A Sarcastic Overview of "Who Should Date Who" Lists

PositronWildhawk Love is in the air, on on the web, so to speak. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and the Web just gives remote access to the seas across the world. There must be someone for everyone. Literally everyone. At least ten, in fact.

The sound mind of the thoughtful and mentally stabilised person who makes these lists speaks out to these bystanders, telling them that they don't have to be like him: spending day after day living in a box in the corner of their parents' attic, with an iPhone with a cracked screen that fluoresces in funky patterns under a UV Light. Instead they can be one of ten who should date someone they both know, or at least he knows, over the Internet! At which point that person is brought to that dignified and refined level of social dynamism. And don't feel left out if you don't make the ten, for absolutely anyone has a great chance of being nominated! These creeps are so wonderful, for sticking their necks out for everybody.

But of course, the creator of the love list is at the top of the bone bunch. Well, not literally, unless you consider what he's doing with his screen. He's on the top of the list, because there's something about that crown on the #1 item of every list, but it may also have occurred to him that that chick may want to check out his swag in particular. It may be just an inch, but it is often the small chilli peppers which pack the largest punch! The following philosophy gets across: "Oh, baby, my jalapeño resonates for you. We shall wed in the clinic of love: my sensationally transmitted infection, be serenaded by Lil' Wayne day and night, and if you wish to know more about me as a person, ask the FBI." Clearly, he has a way with the chicks. Even I'm kinda keen to know more about this classy gentleman.

So what about meeting women in person? Who the hell still does that?!?! The Internet has improved our world, allowing the population to make the pitch perfect replica of a superstar online, allowing them to wimp out when nobody looks. It's perfect for creating lop-sided relations with people on the outside world! Why learn to talk to girls in the flesh and develop intimate feelings for her when you can dance with a digital chick behind her back? You can sell yourself out with no shame, and she'll be none the wiser! The Internet is your Oyster.

These lists really reflect on a subset of the world's modern culture, and may I say, a sophisticated subset. By teaching the users of TheTopTens that there is more to life than getting to know your loved one, as the imagination sparked by a seemingly obscure fantasy can come to life, all with the power of fibre optics. I, like many, hope to see more of these, for their incredible disturbances in the multitude of web links.

Comments

Jeez, Sillykitty got one of those lists too? Who's next, I wonder. - PetSounds (2/22/2015)

Very well-written, humorous, and poignant commentary. - Billyv (2/24/2015)

Legit hilarious. Ha! - keycha1n (3/1/2015)

This is really funny - JaysTop10List (4/19/2015)

Can you do a sarcastic overview of the "All your base are belong to us" thing? - NuMetalManiak (4/19/2015)

Nailed it. - visitor (10/24/2015)