Top 10 Unusual Options on a School Answering Machine Message

Imagine you or your parents dial the number of your school and you hear this:

"Hello, you've reached the Automated Answering Service of your school.
In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection".

Here are some unusual options (feel free to add more):

The Top Ten

1 To swear at staff members, press 1

*50 Million F bombs later* Can I press 1 again? - BoredJeff02

2 To lie about why your child is absent, press 2

This is too perfect. I'm sure it wasn't just me who got out of school occasionally and my parents had to lie. - kempokid

3 To ask us to raise your child, press 4
4 To complain about a classmate, press 3
5 To complain about homework, press 4
6 If you want to hit someone, press 5

Haha, if you choose this option you'll be probably connected to the Police. - Metal_Treasure

7 To complain about school lunches, press 6
8 To ask us to adopt your child, press 9
9 To make excuses for why your child didn't do his or her homework, press 8
10 To complain about bus transportation, press 7

The Contenders

11 To hear this message in another language, move to a country that speaks it
12 To complain about weather, press 9
13 If you want free Adderall, press zero
14 To complain about your parents, press 5
15 To complain about what we do, press 6
16 To complain about your child, press 3
17 To complain about your siblings, press 5
18 If you want to touch someone, press 0
19 To complain about your neighbors, press 7
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