Top Ten Ways to Protect Superhyperdude from the Evil Forces

The prophecy has come to capture me to rigor mortis.

The "*Gasp* testicles are like male boobies" have gone too far.

And incase I succumb to my inevitable fate, I must make this list to help protect the many ways to defend myself.

The Top Ten

1 Find the culprit who began this monstrosity and bring them to their knees

You could make them be ashamed of themselves.

It was all Joy's idea! I swear on my life, Duncan!

2 Burn down a stack of hays and sing "Revolution 9" backwards whiles slitting a chicken's neck

3 Hijack a radio signal so that it plays "Crazy Loops" on repeat for eternity

I think you should exchange "Crazy Loops" for another certain phrase. One that shows a minor epiphany about what balls are.

4 Hire a bearded person with no purpose but to wash SuperHyperdude with holy water

5 At night, write down the words "Duking Duncan Can Dunk Cans, Dunking Duncan" on a sheet of paper and light it up with a lighter.

6 Break all of the windows in your room, except for your bedroom, and spit over it to wash away the bad sins

7 Pray for the God of Subway everyday, welcoming him and thanking SuperHyperdude for leading them to him

I swear I will pray for All Mighty Subway and eat it's burger balls

8 Eat all of the foods that users has forbidden everyone to consume but themselves

Nobody eats and touches my doritos...except if you are the Illuminati

So I assume that users ate my toxic pizza.

9 Climb up a tree and scream like a howler monkey loud enough to alert all of dogkind

All dogkind? And alerted by a monkey? Well, there is only one "kind" that is the combination of both.

I have been alarmed. What seems to be the problem, Mr. Croucher? Oh wait, I said it too.

10 Sacrifice a living goat and drain it's blood, give it to him so he can absorb it and strengthen his ginger roots

Have you been playing goat simulator or somethin'?

The Contenders

11 Bless him with the prayers of Lord Gaben

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