Top Ten Ways to Succeed As an Evil Villain
The Top Ten
1 Make sure your army/minions can ACTUALLY USE the weapon they wield.
Surely 50 men with shotguns should be able to shot someone... At close range... With no armour... No?
2 Don't ever hold a public execution or some slow execution method. The victim will escape.
3 If you're going to make a bomb, don't put a massive LED flashing countdown on it. And make sure it will go off in a few minutes, not hours.
4 Also, make sure all timers work correctly. Strangely, most work fine when you are staring at them, but look away for a few seconds and they seem to stop.
5 Don't disregard prophecies or advise from old people or magical beings. At least consider it!
6 If your advisers say a plan won't work, it probably WON'T WORK!
7 Don't have a simple 4 digit password.
Indeed. If your memory is poor, the hero might also be cracking your iPod Touch password or PIN number.
8 Hire kids. They never seem to die (except from illness) and all seem to be master hackers or parkour masters.
9 Swords don't belong in this day and age. We have tanks and machine guns, use them!
10 Don't fight the hero 1v1. Surround them.
The Contenders
11 If there is a prophecy that a kid will grow up to defeat you, kill them while they're still a kid.
12 Just because you shot someone doesn't mean they're dead. Check pulse and breathing. Shoot them again if anything seems off.
13 Don't be a coward that sits around eating Jaffa Cakes or something whiles your army does the work for you
14 Don't have a plan with a really complicated, time consuming ending.
Less like:
Get the stone of Everything, go to the forbidden cove, climb the snowy mountain, fight off the two-headed dragons, answer the riddle from the spinx, then get the stone of Everything, enter the 6 digit password, and recite the poem which takes up 53 lines.
More along the lines of 'Press the Button'
15 If you're about to fire your super weapon, and the heroes stand there smirking in front of a large object that could collapse or explode, don't fire
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