Top Ten Weirdest and Funniest Out of Context Quotes from Song of Songs/Song of Solomon in the Holy Bible

King Solomon was truly one of the greatest poets of his time...
The Top Ten
1 I wish you were like a brother to me. I wish my mother's breasts had nursed you. Then if I found you outside, I could kiss you. No one would look down on me.

Sweet home Alabama! Where the skies are so blue!

Sweet home Alabama! Lord I'm comin' home to you!

2 Your voice is so sweet. Your face is so lovely. Catch the foxes for us. Catch the little foxes. They destroy our vineyards.

Well that certainty escalated quickly...

3 The woman says to the King, "Under the apple tree I woke you up. That's where your mother became pregnant with you. She went into labor, and you were born there."

So romantic and dreamy am I right?

4 Your nose is like the towering mountains of Lebanon that face the city of Damascus.

My girl's giving Pinocchio a run for his money.

5 Your navel is a rounded goblet; it lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat, set about with lilies.

Heap waist and goblet navel, the king is getting all the single ladies with compliments such as these.

6 King Solomon, I love you. So tell me where you take care of your flock. Tell me where you rest your sheep at noon. Why should I have to act like a prostitute near the flocks of your friends?

That's a mighty good question. Why should she have to act like a prostitute near the flocks of his friends?

7 The woman's brothers say, "We have a little sister. Her breasts are still small. What should we do for our sister when she gets engaged?"

These brothers should really be investigated...

8 You are graceful as a palm tree. Your breasts are sweet as the freshest fruit. I said, "I will climb the palm tree. I'll take hold of its fruit."

Palm trees were certainly graceful those days.

9 While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me. That lies all night between my breasts.

*Insert Lenny Face here*

10 Turn your eyes away from me. They overpower me. Your hair flows like a flock of black goats coming down from Mount Gilead.

Pretty sure if I called a girl's hair like a goat, she'd headbutt me all the way back to the shadow realm.

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