A Sarcastic Overview of TheTopTensPetSounds According to Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, essays only begin with "according to [insert book here]" when the author cannot generate an original introduction. However, I don't have the luxury of name-dropping Merriam-Webster, Oxford, or Urban, since, according to all reliable reference resources (including the infallible Wikipedia), TheTopTens does not exist. This creates an awkward and unfortunate paradox.
Yet, I unquestioningly accept TheTopTens' existence, because I have seen it. This hearsay evidence is scientifically unsound and would not hold up in a court of law. Have I really seen this website? Or has my mind created an alternative dimension, flooded with characters and information, into which I can escape any time? Are you, dear readers, imaginary? To quote Ernest Hemingway: "Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"
Perhaps YOU are the one trapped in an alternative dimension. Perhaps this blog post and its author are figments of your imagination. After all, what proof do you have that I exist? Maybe you're actually asleep--dreaming. Tomorrow, you'll wake up, and this internet utopia will be forgotten. In the words of Leo Tolstoy, you'll "break on through to the other side."
After all, TheTopTens is too good to be true. An elite group of talented, brilliant, mature individuals come together to form a community rich with information and entertainment. New lists are always immaculately ordered and formatted. Where else could you read about the best pizza delivery services in Bangkok (which I am sure will be very useful, if I ever get a passage there) and scroll down to a list of serial killer victims (all slaughtered by Max the Axe in Gospel Heights, Tennessee) that will make your blood run cold? And once you're through with those, listen to samples of the best songs from Manure Spreader's album Gory Watershed.
But the people are what give TheTopTens its colour and flavour. The users' intelligence practically glows. Their social skills are as well-honed as a freshly-sharpened knife (or axe)--after all, we'd never be on here if we weren't already too advanced for real life friends--which makes conversation as crisp as a greenback in a blizzard. Arguments are conducted rationally and with mutual respect. Occasionally, a debate about whether or not Blues Clues is better than Roger Moore's eyebrow gets out of hand, but surely, given the intense emotional attachment to each subject, that's excusable. Peer pressure is non-existent. Sure, once in a blue moon, somebody asks to be followed and guilt trips others into voting on his lists, but he never gains popularity. Other members recognize him for the attention seeker he is and simply ignore him. He never even cracks the top 100 on the master User Ranking list.
It's easy to see why this website draws people back. It offers entertainment and enlightenment at an exclusive level. It offers the chance to meet and interact with exciting new people from around the
I can't quite prove that this blog exists. - PositronWildhawk
You gek! - visitor
You ned! - PositronWildhawk
You dok! - Puga
You dweb! - PositronWildhawk
You amatur! - RiverClanRocks
Geko - visitor
You jark! - Gamecubesarecool193
You but! - WonkeyDude98
You motherfacker! - Gamecubesarecool193
Where is this blog? A non-existent wasteland? - Puga
It's only teenage wastela-a-and. - PetSounds
It's only teenage wasteland
Oh yeah, teenage wasteland
They're all wasted - gemcloben
Woops, my comment was meant to be a reply - gemcloben
Absolutely rolling. Haha! - keycha1n
Is this sarcastic or... - PetSounds
Was THAT sarcastic? - keycha1n
Oh yeah, totally. - PetSounds
Where AM I? - MrQuaz680
Striat-Er, the Internet. - RiverClanRocks
This is the most passive-aggressive thing that wasn't argumentative I've ever read. - visitor
That's the point. - PetSounds
It works in comedy, but sometimes it's really hard to get your point across when you use it. That's just my opinion from what I've seen, though. - visitor
I don't have a point, so that doesn't really worry me. - PetSounds
This was the best one I've read so far! - Turkeyasylum
So creative and well-written, but most important of all, I laughed out loud nearly every step of the way - Billyv
That was perfect! - Garythesnail
Did you... Did you just... Make a Kurt Cobain reference at the end? - MontyPython
I don't get it. - visitor
I made all those serial killer victims lists. Y'all can thank me later. - bobbythebrony
Huh. How much of this applies today? - ProPanda
Did I really write this two years ago? Sheesh.
To answer your question, I have no idea. - PetSounds