Top Ten Worst Analogies Ever Written

My god these similes and metaphors are terrible. Who come up with these awful things?

EXTRA: It was too long to write in a space.

"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."

The Top Ten

1 He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Really... really... I can't believe this was written by anybody. No, I don't want to live on a planet where you get analogies this bad. - Cazaam

I love it

2 The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

Because you said nothing but the obvious. - Cazaam

3 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

This statement means nothing. Did the little boat spin around as it was travelling down the pond? - Cazaam

These all were hilariously stupid. Gotta love this type of stuff though. - notyetsaved

I can just picture a bowling ball floating towards me... - PositronWildhawk

4 Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Because her eyes were brown -_- - Cazaam

5 From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30


Need I say more? - Cazaam

6 Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

You can stop after "Freight Trains" You destroyed yourself after that. - Cazaam

7 She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

Surely there's a better comparison than this... - Cazaam

8 Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Haha! All these elements on this list are so funny! - keyson

Well this list is really awesome. - Kiteretsunu

I guess that's true... in a way. - Cazaam

9 The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
10 The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease

Just like my fecal matter bouncing off a spring. - Cazaam

The Contenders

11 He was as awesome as an awesome thing


12 The mint ice cream was like mints and ice cream.
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