The Anonymous Post: New Moon Book Review
Anonymousxcxc Hey guys it's Anonymousxcxc again back with my Twilight Saga review saga thing? Anyways today I'm going to be talking about New Moon, a Twilight book that apparently Twilight fans even hate. Look before I dive into this review I would like to acknowledge that if you like these books, that's fine, I respect you for it after all this review is only my opinion. Okay with this being an experimental post series this review may be different than my last one and if you want to leave criticism on it then you can comment below or just message me. Now let's jump right into the tank and plunge into the book that is New Moon.The book starts out with Bella having a dream where she sees her deceased grandmother or something and something bad happens to her oh so precious Edward (note the sarcasm). However she awakens to find that it is her 18th birthday and complains about it. Hold on I have to pause for a sec. She freaking complains about her own birthday?! What is this?! Why the hell would you complain about your own birthday, I'd be thrilled on my birthday. Anyways she's complaining because it means that she's turning older than her beloved Edward (or as I'm going to call him from now on Boulder Face/Poker Face, not to be confused with the Honest Trailers nickname for him which is Shovel Face) and for her own selfish reasons she does not want that. Also her senior year of high school is starting and it goes into that a little bit but because nothing really happens -other than mentions of the royal vampire family, the Volturi, and some of their history- there I'm going to skip over to her birthday party (which she didn't want for stupid reasons). So at her birthday party she is greeted with warmth and affection from the Cullen family as they happily celebrate Bella's birthday. At this party she also learns some backstory about Boulder Face from Carlisle which is oddly enough almost never brought up again and in the end ends up getting injured for the 80 millionth time (which results in Edward's adopted brother Jasper to go ballistic).
Of course shortly after this party she finds out that the Cullens have to leave Forks simply to protect her from any more severe harm, which actually sounds like a good idea since they're only trying to keep her safe. However our main protagonist goes into depression for MONTHS because of this. I mean I'd get it if you go depressed because your parents or your best friend died but really? She had only known Boulder Face for like less than a year and because he ended their relationship and moved away, which is a realistic thing for people- erm "vampires" in this case- to do, she gets depressed for several months. What? That makes no sense. Okay to continue staying on track I'm gonna speed up this part by saying that after an unsuccessful attempt to spend time with her friend Jessica (even though she hadn't talked to Jessica or the rest of her human friends in a VERY long time) she decides to visit old family friend Jacob Black (who was very briefly around in the previous book). Things with her and Jacob go well, with her even getting to meet Jacob's best friends, and they start becoming close friends.
Also some stuff about bears starts to happen and while spending time with Jacob Bella also discovers that by doing life-risking things that she'd be able to "hear" Edward's (Boulder Face's) voice so she does them anyway because why the hell not? Plus there's some side stuff about this "cult" thing happening at Jacob's home area that he's scared about. As the book progresses it is noted that Jacob goes through a horrible sickness after a night at the movies and it causes a change in him that seems to be for the worse.
Bella then discovers this change is because Jacob has become a werewolf, although hints were given earlier in that day as she had encountered an old "foe" of hers. The friendship between her and Jacob is strained even further but despite this she decides to meet the werewolf pack Jacob is in. Oh yeah and sorry to interrupt this summarizing portion of the review but as it turns out EVERYONE is after Bella, romantically Mike (minor character) and Jacob want her and then some lady named Victoria wants her and that vampire royal family, I'll get to them later, want her too.
Oh but one important scene I feel like talking about is that of the cliff scene that everyone keeps on complaining about. No she didn't try to kill herself, she was apparently cliff diving, but she wasn't thinking about anything before then she almost drowns. But she gets saved by Jacob and Alice Cullen makes a surprise return to Forks. However Alice and the Cullen family had initially thought that Bella really was dead because apparently Alice can't "see" werewolves so it gets Boulder Face all mopey. Also the minute Alice jumps into the picture Bella almost completely forgets about Jacob.
This should be the last paragraph on the plot summary and just bare with me a little longer on this section of the review anyways here it is. Basically Alice "sees" that Edward is in trouble and she and Bella take off to Italy all the way to the city of the Volutri family, where Boulder Face is currently at. Once they get to Italy Bella learns further from Alice on who exactly the Volutri are and why they are so important in the vampire world. They then arrive at Volterra, the city of the Volturi, where Bella is reunited with her oh so precious Poker Face and also where we are introduced to the Volturi family. After a rather underwhelming confrontation Boulder Face, Bella, and Alice leave Italy with the notice that in order to protect the secret of vampires Bella would either have to be killed or turned into a vampire (the second one to which she marvels in glee because she complains about wanting to be a vampire in order to be with Boulder Face for the ENTIRE BOOK). Once they get back from Italy everything's all fine and dandy and Bella decides to have the Cullens vote on whether Bella should remain human or become a vampire to which the majority votes for the second option, to Boulder Face and Rosalie Cullen's dismay. So Boulder Face comes up with a compromise that if Bella marries him after their high school graduation then he would turn her into a vampire.
After this she then realizes that Jacob actually exists again, having forgotten about him in her recent excitement and she then starts getting worried about him and calls him constantly but to no avail. Finally after a couple of weeks or so Jacob and Bella do reunite but not in the way that Bella had expected, thinking that Jacob had "betrayed" her. Basically Jacob's mad that Bella would choose to become a vampire as it violates some treaty the werewolves and the vampires have with each other and after realizing that he had apparently done something wrong he starts apologizing. Also Charlie goes all beast mode in this portion of the book, only because he's concerned about his daughter, and the book ends with Bella getting grounded for going to Italy.
Okay now that I have finally moved away from the plot "summary" let's move onto another thing about this book: the pacing. The pacing's kinda off in this, but kinda not at the same time. The first part of the book is super slow and the middle is really slow but then the end is actually kinda fast-paced. But then there's random spouts of fast pacing in the book while there's also random spouts of slow pacing too. Also there's wayyyyyyyyyy too much filler, like seriously I could take out a large chunk of the book and it could easily be condensed down from 568 pages to 400 something pages or hell even 300 something pages and I still wouldn't miss any important details. There is no way that it needed to be as long as it was. Anyways the pacing just felt off and I'm just wondering, isn't that a big no no in books? Isn't pacing supposed to be consistent throughout the book unless some major change happens? Well nothing too major happened throughout the book despite random scenes but I don't know the pacing just felt very awkward and contrived.
Thirdly, I'm not going to bother delving into action as much as I did in my review for Twilight. This book is a romance book so there's not going to be as much action and look in this review I'm not trying to be disrespectful or hateful to fans of this book franchise or anything (again I still am trying my best to respect them for their opinions), but what I have noticed is a trope with Miss Stephenie Meyer is that in her writing she does have this huge action scene build up but it almost always never happens or is something underwhelming during the last few chapters of each book she's written, at least from what I've read. And this trope makes me furious (*said in a way my math teacher likes to say it*). Why? Because you give these subtle hints under this romance crud that is often very contrived and is tedious to read that there's going to be some grand action scene near the end of the book that would make up for the boring-ness of well everything else. But no instead you mildly gloss over that and move on with more romance crud. I'm sorry but what?! There's a crap load of stuff that's still not solved and could actually be totally awesome if written better but no apparently that's totally something readers don't want. Ugh let's just move onto critic's thoughts and stuff.
Okay so apparently the critics liked this book better than the first one which is weird because I felt that this book was worse than the first one. At least the first book hadn't had that seething undertone of,"ha ha we will now represent to you awesome action and stuff but we'll barely use it." Also according to Meyer herself this story was supposedly based off of Romeo and Juliet which definitely confuses me because what part of a horrible tragedy that happened to a group of "star-crossed lovers" simply because of a needless and petty battle between their families possibly connects to a Mary Sue brat going emo because her boyfriend leaves her and then going desperate because of it? Also if Meyer tried to do it based on the themes of Romeo and Juliet, such as time and love (the young and/or doomed kind rather) then how the hell does this book possibly distinguish that? Argh! This entire book series just confuses me.
Some more miscellaneous stuff that I'd like to talk about are the Twilight book covers and book titles. Okay one thing I don't understand is why the books are titled what they are when they have almost nothing to do with the actual story at all and the cover pictures definitely don't help this either. Like what the hell does a pair of hands holding an apple have to do with a romance story about "vampires" (or sparkle-pires rather)? I mean according to Meyer they're supposed to relate to some sort of intricate theme stuff or something but I'm sorry what common reader or even the avid critic reader would even be able to get that? Although Meyer did point out to not liking the cover for New Moon as she apparently had no choice on it, apparently there was supposed to be a clock signifying a theme for time that's somewhere in the book. Also a minor pet peeve of mine is this font where the first letters of a word that's not something like "of the Flies" aren't capitalized. Like no! Just no!
Finally, I'd like to close off with characters. First off I'd just like to say that the villains are underdeveloped as heck and no final conflict is really solved AT ALL with them and also this book made me hate a character I liked from the previous book, and if you saw my last review then you would know that I did not like most of the Twilight characters in the last review. Now here is again my list for least awful (1) to worst (last no.):
- Rosalie- She was one of the few characters I liked from the last book and I still like her now. Although she hates Bella less now, which is one thing I disliked, she's still one of the only likeable characters in this entire book series. I like the fact that even though she hates Bella she still shows concern for her, even when Bella acts like a total biatch, and even warns her that becoming a vampire was a risky idea for Rosalie herself did not choose that path voluntarily. Plus she still has that common sense I liked about her in the last book.
- Charlie- You know what I do like this guy. Some may say that he's a bad parent but I don't really know why. He's easygoing sure but that doesn't automatically mean he's a bad parent. He expresses concerns and genuine love for his ungrateful daughter and he does set some rules for her. Weirdly enough I enjoyed watching Charlie interact with Bella more than I did with her interacting with Boulder Face.
- Jacob- Don't shoot me guys please. I know that a lot of people hate Jacob for crap he did in the later books but come on this book is where we first see development in him. In this book he's actually really really nice and truly cares about Bella and wants to help her cope through her troubles, and he's not creepy about it and he doesn't do stalker-like things such as watching her sleep (unlike another character I know, hm wonder who that could be.........).
- Most of Bella's lunch table- They're pretty forgettable so I didn't bother making them too high on the list.
- Esmé, Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett- These guys are also pretty forgettable so there's no reason to have them super high up.
- Jacob's werewolf pack- Not too bad in terms of characters but they are forgettable.
- Billy- Not a terrible character but still kind of annoying. He gets a pass.
- Laurent & Victoria- They're both underdeveloped and forgettable and they're supposed to be villains. Just wow. That is a bad move to make your villains forgettable as heck.
- Mike- Oh lord. Why book why? Why you do this? You turned my favorite character in the last book into a loser-ish schmuck. Just why?
- Jessica- Still annoying and preppy. However she's still forgettable and bland. Though at the same time I'm just shuddering as to why Anna Kendrick decided to take on this role (in the Twilight films) when I've seen her act in movies that had better quality to them.
- The Volturi- They're all underdeveloped and underwhelming characters. Hardly any antagonistic force if I were to be honest. Most of them are forgettable as heck or are just underwhelming and forgettable. Also Aro is a pretty weak antagonistic type of character compared to antagonists of much better books like Voldemort of the Harry Potter franchise or Dr. L and Ms. Mauvais in The Secret Series (2007-2011, not the one from the '50's).
- Alice- Okay I hate this chick. She's forgettable, bland, and annoying. I don't care if she had a cool origin story or not, she's still not interesting and I still find her much more obnoxious than the other Cullens (besides maybe Poker Face). Don't know why but this character just angers me.
- Edward/Boulder Face/Poker Face- He's still a creep, still possessive, still controlling, and still a stalker. Also despite his controlling nature he has managed to show some nice moments. Some. However he's still bland and obnoxious as well as a complete Gary Stu. Ladies and gentlemen what I'm trying to say is that if you have a romantic partner then don't have them be an Edward. If they are then you should break up with them and move on. The "love" he professes to Bella is not real love, just manufactured and controlling.
- Bella- I could go on forever about the stupid stuff she does. Oh and she still doesn't sound like a real teen at all. But I'm not going to go on forever. Why? Because I'm tired and don't have the energy to get out all of my anger towards Bella. Also I've given her enough attention as is in this review and the one before. Basically I found her to be a damsel in distress type of Mary Sue with blandness galore in addition to being bratty.
Anyways thanks for looking at this long post I call my review and the next time I enter this realm of posts I'll be diving into a real eclipse.