1 Well, I certainly don't FEEL guilty. Heh heh heh.
That just leads to even worse trouble
Drops you right in it. - PositronWildhawk
Oh, so I guess you're good to go. - CityGuru
Lolexd! Loved this one and #4, Posirawk! - HezarioSeth
2 Well, you lost the case, but at least we make cash from this
Hahalolz! This is funny! - HezarioSeth
3 They call me up for jury duty, and all I do is doodle and roll the dice!
4 Silence in court. Can't you play basketball elsewhere?
You might hear this if there have been budget cuts in your local area. - PositronWildhawk
5 Oh, nobody would've cared much; the cops all chase people to lose some pork and sleep it off these days.
6 Were you at the police lineup? They're all to judgemental!
7 I should probably have said this earlier...
My eyes rolled back into their sockets when I saw this. This is the very worst thing a lawyer needs/wants to hear five minutes before going back into the courtroom. You've gathered evidence, put a case together...and then a client drops this little bombshell...and the lawyer's little world falls apart in a messy heap on the floor along with the case. People seem to think lawyers are miracle workers... - Britgirl
Yep. You have to let it out sometime. - PositronWildhawk
8 This place looks expensive. You leach off of fines a lot, don't you?
Saying that will get you put away for longer than it takes to hop to the moon
What if it's one big hop? - PositronWildhawk
9 Everything I said was a lie. But I'm not lying about lying; am I lying about not lying.
If this works, you'll win. One problem is that it would never work. - PositronWildhawk
10 He couldn't have seen my face, I was wearing a balaclava!
11 Nice bald spot you got there your honor
This is a HORRIBLE thing to say to a judge! Imagine what he / she would say... - funnyuser
12 (To the judge) Do you compete in hammer throw at the Olympics? You've got a pretty decent hammer (gavel) with you.
That's a Stupid Burn! It's so funny! - Animefan12
13 Where is Superman? I can't find him anywhere.
14 How much salary do you get for sentencing someone to death?
15 I never rob vending machines. If you need more change, I can pay the fine in silvers.
16 (To the judge) I saw your dog poop in front of the White House!
You're in Jail right away. No doubt. - Animefan12
17 Can you put down the hammer I'm trying to play Flappy Birds
This is so funny! - RiverClanRocks
18 Excuse me but you seem to mistaken me as someone who gives a damn
This will automatically put you in jail
19 What did I do?
20 Just say he's guilty already!
21 (To the judge) Can I marry your daughter?
22 What sort of food do you serve at the prison? I love Italian!
23 (To the judge) Can I fart?
24 (To the judge) I love shaving. What's your opinion on this?
25 I stabbed myself with a knife. What punishment should I get?
26 I kicked my friend on his butt, he kicked me on the face. Who's the culprit?
27 (To the judge) Sorry for stealing your daughters virginity, won't happen again.
This happens all the time in Russia
28 If I'm not guilty, let's do rock paper...hey there's Miley Cyrus - what, not guilty!!
29 A Well a Bird Bird Bird, Bird is The Word, A Well a Bird Bird Bird Bird is the Word
30 Oh No
32 (to the judge) I killed your cat
33 I switched seats
34 Is Toblerone The Fanciest Thing in The World?
35 Let's Party!
36 Bird Bird Bird Bird Is the Word
37 F*** you judge!
38 I plead the fifth
39 You're not the boss of me!
40 I forgot armed robbery was illegal
41 You don't scare me!
42 Ooh an audience!
45 I'm going to jail! Wahoo! Free bread!
46 Deez nuts
Try saying this in court. I dare you.
47 Does this place have any WiFi or hotdogs?