Album Review: Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven

WonkeyDude98
Mini-Description: In my fourth album review, Kid Cudi reads from a teenager's LifeJournal, dedicated to their Kid Cuddli teddy bear.

Best Song: "Handle With Care"
Worst Songs (from absolute worst to just bad): "Adventures", THE WHOLE DEMO SECTION, "Red Sabbath", "Worth", "Man In The Night", "CONFUSED!", "AMEN", "Séance Chaos", "Wedding Tux", "The Nothing", "Angered Kids", "Screwed", Trauma", "Fuschia Butterflies"

0/10


Hello everyone, WonkeyDude98 here, and it's time to review the latest...rock...album...from...Kid Cudi. Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven.

There's no easy way for me to do this review.

Kid Cudi is a fascinating man. He's always been a rapper that where he lacks in technical and vocal abilities, he makes up for with raw emotion and anger. I haven't listened to much Cudi, but he does know how to emote, even with some pretty mediocre songwriting skills. Simply put, he's very good at what he does, only problem is what he does isn't very good.

So WHY DID THIS HAPPEN?!

I'm not sure what snapped in Cudi's feeble little mind when crafting this awful, awful record, but something must have happened, because this is unforgivable. So...he's a rapper, right? SO WHY IS HE BRINGING BACK GRUNGE? Let, say, Shinedown (whom is post-grunge) or even Megadeth (whose album I came very close to hating), but not you, Scott.

This isn't the worst album I've ever heard, but this along with Thomas Rhett's Tangled Up is the closest that any album has ever come to that dreadful "album" SremmLife by Rae Sremmurd. Worse than Miley Cyrus' disaster of titanic proportions. Worse than Chris Brown's Fortune. Worse than Future's Honest. And it's across the board too. Lyrics, production, instrumentation, themes, VOCALS, this is one of the most incoherent excuses for an album I've ever heard.

Where to start? Okay, let's start where the most potential shined through: the instrumentation and production. This is Kid Cudi trying to do punk rock, and instead he mixes NickelBack with Mumford and Sons. It's a catastrophe to say the least. And to think, there's actually a few riffs here and there I almost like. But other than those riffs, nothing is enjoyable about the way this album sounds. The smoggy drum drizzle that opens up Post Mortem Boredom, the off-kilter acoustic and electric guitar transition that anchors the mind-numbing Screwed, the whiny squeal midway through Fade 2 Red, the autotuned farting that layers the guitars on the atrocious Adventures, the naked minimalism that haunts the fittingly named The Nothing, the scratchy guitar sizzle that opens up Séance Chaos, the off-beat fake horns and plucky guitars on the title track, and THAT'S BARELY EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH THE ALBUM. The production makes it all so thin and dull that it makes a 91 minute record seem like 182.

Lyrically, this is one of the most splattershot records I've ever heard. It tries to reach out to the themes of early grunge such as Nirvana (Cudi even hails himself as the second coming of Kurt Cobain), but overshoots and ends up being a bad emo album. There's no better example than the insufferable CONFUSED!, in which rambles incoherent madman thoughts like "who am I? who are we?" and "my color's blue". Don't forget this gem, "the walls ain't talking back, might as well finally paint them black". First off, walls don't talk unless you're Kendrick Lamar. Second, the whole world would be black if you applied this logic, because NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYTHING YOU SAY.

Yet another lyrical dud is Man In The Night which has to have one of the most awkward choruses ever set to audio. "I'm in love with the night/Yeah she's good for some fun/Yeah she's dope for my head/MM SHE'S GOOD FOR ME YEAH". Combined with Cudi's muffled slightly breathy delivery (we'll get to that later), it makes the wording of this sound...deathly uncomfortable. Also, am I the only one irked by the light lyrical and instrumental tone on a song called Man In The Night? But yet again....you can do a lot worse. This priceless line from Adventures: "No more chicken sandwiches/I'll pay for the damages", which has to be the single saddest line on the album. What relevance do chicken sandwiches have?!?! There's also the melodramatic Wedding Tux ("everything everyone sucks"), Worth, and Red Sabbath, but they have nothing on the inanity (made up a new word yay) that is chicken sandwiches. Simply put, these lyrics are the ramblings of a madman.

But my biggest issue with the album itself is....Kid Cudi. He's one of the worst singers I've ever heard in my life. Breathy, frail, thin, throaty, and too rough to be enjoyable but too smooth to be hardcore. Whether it be CONFUSED!, Man In The Night, AMEN ("American evil ban Stan"), Worth, or Trauma, it is a chore to listen to Kid Cudi extend syllables for 30 seconds with his awful warble.

But do you want to know what's worse than that? Do you? THE BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD SKITS. On Man In The Night, Adventures, and I believe Red Sabbath and Wedding Tux, they have these...awful...Beavis and ButtHead sketches basically worshipping Scott as the god and savior of punk rock. Hey, wanna know what would actually be funny? Them making fun of Cudi. Granted, it'd be a red flag for the album, but at least it isn't a desperate ego boost on one of the messiest albums ever created.

So...you've nearly finished Side A. Congratulations. The title track and then Embers, and when that's finished, you'll be going into the depths of hell that the Mephistopheles disguised as Scott Mescudi calls the Demo Side.

Where to start with this side? I've already talked about the absolute torture of the album, now we have the rehearsal demos, which are the equivalent of blowing up the body of the man you've already shot. There are eight tracks here, but since only four of them are labeled as demos, I only count those. Even with those four versus the rest of the 22 bar Adventures, the demo section basically plunges the already irredeemable album even further.

And it's still across the board. Instrumentally, exactly one song is even remotely tolerable, and that's WAIT!. But besides that, we have the awful sound of a broken harmonica that runs through Anomaly, some of the pluckiest guitars in existence on The Return of Chip Douglas, and the guitars on the acoustic demo of the title track, which are so offkey I'm not sure the key exists anymore. Plus, the acoustic title track has no reason to exist, since the regular title track is just as acoustic.

Vocally.......*gag* We have his uncontrolled warble in Anomaly, his whiny moan in The Return of Chip Douglas, his awful screeches in WAIT!, and his breathy mess im the acoustic title track. I was about ready to blow my brains out by WAIT!, and the other four aren't necessarily better. Lyrically there isn't much to discuss other than that "I hate myself but I want to fix it" bit in Worth.

There is exactly one song on this album that is remotely tolerable, and that's Handle With Care. Despite the pretty uninteresting acoustic sound and his blown-out speaker vocals, it's a pretty emotional warning to those who are around Scott that he's insecure and often times can't control himself. Other than that....

This album is sadistic. How did this get through the recording stage, I thought that stuff like this doesn't HAPPEN! I know bad music gets past all the time, but this....how? There's no song on this album that I can really consider good. And there were some riffs on here and some lyrical content that had promise, yet it was wasted by Cudi's abysmal vocals, the sloppy instrumentation, the Beavis and ButtHead skits, and that abomination they call the demo section. Folks, 0/10, and there's no way I can ever, EVER recommend this. This is WonkeyDude98, and this Speedin' Bullet to Heaven sent me straight to Satan.

Comments

This is the same person on Kanye's pt 1 - ProPanda

That song was terrible. - WonkeyDude98

Exactly - ProPanda

From both you and ArchAces, I now have a reason to never listen to this album. - SwagFlicks

GOOD. - WonkeyDude98

Wonkey died for your sins, SF. - visitor

I AM JESUS CH--nah I'm joking. - WonkeyDude98

The fact that he titled one of his songs Red Sabbath is enough. - Elina

And it just so happened to be among the worst on the album. - WonkeyDude98

"Red Sabbath"
I will never think of Black Sabbath (who mind you are actually dcent) the same way again. - Swellow

AND he has a song called Fade 2 Red?!? I just noticed. Why would anyone do that? - Elina

Wow, did he really fall THIS far? I liked Man On The Moon, but haven't listened to much of his other stuff. Out of morbid curiosity, I have to check this out. - Zach808

DON'T DO IT ZACH, YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. - WonkeyDude98

Wow... You weren't kidding about this album. I'm just dumbfounded at how bad this is. It's the worst album of 2015. I may still hate sremmlife more than this due to how much it pissed me off, but in terms of pure composition, this is the worst. If this album had anything on the same level as Up Like Trump, I would've been VERY tempted to give it a 0. Unfortunately, Handle With Care and Judgemental C**t are just tolerable enough to keep it a 1/10. - Zach808

It was the worst album of 2015...but SremmLife was worse? I mean, I agree with the latter, but that was a bit contradictory. Minor nitpick.

Yeah, I wasn't kidding. This album was both an utter borefest and an unlistenable act of sadism from Cudi. Screw Up Like Trump, I'm glad nothing from this album was like My X (holy sh*t, My X was awful. One of the worst songs of all time), though Adventures did come close. I did like Judgemental C**t when I was bandwagoning on theneedledrop's review of it, then I started to hate it when I listened to the album itself. Yeah, abysmal song from an abysmal album from a man who has...suffice to say, lost his mind. - WonkeyDude98

I kind of meant to say that, while I personally hate listening to Sremmlife more due to how much those two incompetent little s***stains make me angry, this album just leaves me amazed at the fact that something this bad managed to become popular. It's definitely the worse album, but it doesn't fill me with the same kind of rage. - Zach808

I'd say that these two are about as grating in sound, and having to listen to those two sh*tstains is basically the equivalent of listening to Chris Brown's discography twice over. It's the only album I've ever rated a -1/10 for a reason.

As for SBTH, it's just...bewildering how something with "no more chicken sandwiches, I'll pay for the damages" and "her v****a is m**st and warm" and a Beavis and ButtHead skit all in one song got passed. That is a question we will ponder forever. - WonkeyDude98

I guess I'll take a listen... - Swellow

PLEASE...PLEASE. - WonkeyDude98

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS! - WonkeyDude98

This album got me laughing my ass off when I first heard it. It reminds me when Megadeth attempted to get more famous by switching from Thrash Metal to Alt rock. And that was on their album "Risk" - Mumbizz01

Is it worse than Dystopia? - WonkeyDude98

I think what I like about this review is how dumbfounded I was at how bad the album turned out to be. It deserves it. - WonkeyDude98

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