DCfnaf Movie Reviews: La La Land

DCfnaf WARNING: Some viewers may disagree with this opinionated review. If you do, PLEASE respect my opinion and let me know why you have yours NICELY. Thank you.

La La Land starts off strong. We get to watch and listen to our ensemble cast sing and dance to "Another Day in the Sun", a unique musical number revolving around singing and dancing on a traffic-filled highway. Despite the fact that this song was not memorable in the slightest, I will admit that I enjoyed the scene's unique take and interesting visuals. Not to mention, this movie was praised by critics and audiences alike. Rotten Tomatoes' critics gave this movie a 93% and 85% of Rotten Tomatoes' audiences liked it. Metacritic gave this movie a 93%. IMDB gave gave this movie an 85%. So at this point in the film's runtime, I felt like I was going to see a decent musical with a charming story and memorable songs. Unfortunately, that initial burst of fun, creativity, and entertainment quickly squanders as the movie progresses. I'm going to get strong hate for this but...this movie is awful.

1. Plot Synopsis

For those of you who have not seen the trailers or the critic website pages for this movie, the story is that an aspiring actress named Mia [Emma Stone] and a dedicated jazz musician on the piano named Sebastian [Ryan Gosling] are trying to make ends meet in a city where your hopes and dreams are crushed like an ant under a boot. On Rotten Tomatoes, it describes it as an "original musical about everyday life [that] explores the joy and pain of pursuing a dream". I would love for one viewer of this movie to please delve deeper into this plot and tell me how this movie is an "original musical" because the "joy and pain of pursuing a dream" garbage has been used over and over again in musicals.

The characters in this movie were not very likeable or memorable either. The only characters that you will remember after watching this movie are the two protagonists, the only characters that get any depth. Mia got under my skin very quickly. She didn't catch my attention at the beginning of the movie, but then she started to act selfish and make ridiculously stupid decisions at the end, so she made me lose the tiny bit of interest I had in her. Sebastian also aggravated me and was really rude. After getting fired from his job, he's about to get a compliment from Mia, but he rudely shoves past her. Look, I get that you lost your job pal, but don't you think shoving a girl out of your way is a little extreme and childish? (Plus, his singing was AWFUL). The rest of the cast was just there to exist and really didn't interest me.

2. How is this Considered a MUSICAL???

On Google, I took the liberty of researching the definition of "Musical" and this is what came up: "a play or movie in which singing and dancing play an essential part.", the key phrase here being "AN ESSENTIAL PART." The only times I remember hearing songs and watching people dance throughout this film were at the first 30 minutes, and the last 15 at the end. This was a 2 hour movie, and we only get 45 minutes of singing and dancing. If you are wondering why this is the case, my theory is that the movie thinks that the moments where Sebastian would play the piano count as musical songs. They do not count as musical songs in the slightest and do not belong in a musical, as there is neither singing nor dancing in these scenes. All you are doing is sitting there, watching a fictional guy play a piano, and watching a fictional audience watch said fictional guy play the piano. WOW!!! That sounds so interesting to watch, doesn't it? 😒

3. It's not Immersive and is as Interesting as Algebra

Speaking of which, this movie is pathetically uninteresting. This movie had way too many scenes of people standing around, doing nothing interesting. Most of this musical's songs were unmemorable because the scenes that we were expected to enjoy were utterly boring. The story was unoriginal. Every single joke fell flat as cardboard. The characters were nothing special. The performances were cringeworthy. In fact, this movie was so uninteresting that my brother's friend, who came with my family, fell asleep during one of the jazz music scenes. (Unfortunately his nap was unpleasantly interrupted when one of the trumpets was blown into louder than a megaphone.)

La La Land's missing immersion is caused by Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling's lack of chemistry. Their love never felt convincing to me. They first "interact" on the highway as Mia flips the bird at Sebastian. Then they stumble across each other at a restaurant where Sebastian played a few songs and got fired. As he was leaving, Mia walks up and tells him that she heard him play, and he just shoves past her. The third interaction between the two is at some sort of party where Mia makes the present band perform "I Ran" and Sebastian confronts her about it. Then they walk to Mia's car together, sing a little song about how they feel no romantic feelings for each other (because...that makes sense, right?), and they go off into the night. Then they meet for a fourth time at the coffee shop Mia worked at, and they walk around the shop's studio lot. Sebastian then asks Mia to go to a movie with him, and Mia accepts. However, she forgot that her boyfriend's dinner party was on the same night. So she goes to the dinner party, but then abruptly leaves during it to go see the movie with Sebastian because she now totally likes him. At the theater, we even get a little moment of them trying to kiss. It's a sudden change in their character emotions and they each have little to no motivation for their feelings. They love each other because the movie needs to progress.

4. Dumbfounded Scenes

WARNING: This section of this review contains large amounts of SPOILERS and RAGE. If you do NOT want this "movie" to be spoiled or trashed angrily, then skip over these next few paragraphs!!!!!!

So I'm going to use this section to rant about how stupid three scenes of this movie were.

So now Sebastian reluctantly accepts a job offered to him by an old friend to play in a Jazz Band. It wasn't his dream job but it provided him with a steady paycheck and he was able to provide for Mia when she moved in with him. Ironically, it also caused them to see much less of each other because the band was on tour a lot. On a one-night break from the tour, sebastian stops home to make a surprise dinner for Mia. Then they get into an argument when she questions whether he should continue to tour with the band instead of pursuing his real dream. The argument escalates quickly and she storms out. It's a completely unrealistic scenario, as I've seen plenty of debates between couples and I can inform you that you rarely break up from a simple argument. Anyways, he misses her performance in her individual play, which was so poorly attended that she didn't sell enough tickets to cover the cost of renting the theater. Even though Sebastian wasn't there, a producer conveniently was and she liked what she saw enough to call her in to audition for a show. Sebastian gets the call at his apartment drivers clear across town to tell her the good news. She wants to give up but he persuades her to go for it. This leads us to the dumbest scene in this entire film.

When Mia is finally convinced to accept the offer, Mia goes into the audition room, only to find out that the people making this "play" don't have a script, story, or characters, and the reason that she is there is to help them come up with a story. All they have is that they want the play to be set in Paris, France. This causes Mia to remember that her aunt that we barely talked about (the only time she was mentioned was for Mia's little backstory about her dreams) because she conveniently lived in Paris. Then she sings a song in front of them, without moving or doing anything interesting...do you see how stupid this scene is? First of all, why would a playwriter/producer be at this play that nobody showed up for or talked about? Second of all, why would you offer this girl to audition for something, when there's NOTHING TO AUDITION FOR??? Not to mention, if you are a script writer, WHY CAN'T YOU COME UP WITH YOUR OWN STORY AND WHY ARE YOU EXPECTING AN ASPIRING ACTRESS THAT YOU BARELY KNOW TO COME UP WITH ONE????? Man, how the HELL does this lady have a JOB??? Finally, the movie conveniently reveals that 1. The writers want this play to be set in Paris, and 2. Mia's aunt just so happens to live in the same place. That's basically what you call a plot contrivance disguised as the end of an emotional arc!!

I also want to rant about the monstrosity known as the ending. After the audition, Mia and Sebastian talk about how they'll always stick together and how they'll never stop loving each other. We then fast forward 5 years later and we learn that both have gone their own separate ways (as if the movie thinks it is shock value), with Mia ending up as a rich and popular actress with a husband and child. Sebastian ends up being the jazz artist he wanted to be and he was able to perform the songs he wanted to perform. Mia and her new husband conveniently go to Sebastian's new Jazz Club and they both watch him perform. Mia then has these thoughts of regret and guilt because she didn't get together with him and she moved on from him. Then the movie ends with Mia leaving, but not before staring at Sebastian with a smile. Wow. Worst. Ending. Ever. Let's list the problems. 1. Mia and Sebastian don't end the movie as a couple because??? 2. Why does Mia have these thoughts of guilt because she didn't marry Sebastian?? There was absolutely no reason for this movie to end that way because 7 minutes earlier, we saw them liking each other again! This is one of the most FORCED endings I have ever seen in a film. (Oh, they're together. Oh wait, they aren't. Oh wait, they are. Oh...wait...they aren't.)

The SPOILER and RAGE section stops here, so for the rest of the non-spoiler review, continue from here on out. Thank you for hopefully following directions.

5. Conclusion

Overall, I was marginally disappointed by this. Before you all accuse me by saying, "Bruh, you've nevar weveewed da moosikal b4 su u kannot h8 dis muvei!!!", I want to inform you that I LOVE musicals. I've seen (and will always see) the School Musical every year. They were all pretty great and most of the performers that had songs to sing really impressed me with their talent. All of the performances I've seen of Les Miserables ranged from good-wonderful and I loved The Muppet Movie as well. So me hating this movie has nothing to do with the genre, but rather the structuring, runtime, and dumb plot contrivances. Apparently this movie is Number 9 on this website's "Best Movies of 2016" list. I'm not really sure why, as the movie sucked, but I'm not gonna bother fighting it since this is the same list that has "Suicide Squad" and "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story" in the top ten despite the fact that they're 99% pandering references and 1% quality. Anyways, this movie really doesn't deserve the "Highly Recommended" status that critics on Rotten Tomatoes have been giving it, but I'm not going to bother highly recommending or not recommending this one. Other critics and audiences have given this movie high ratings and if you like musicals then I guess you'd enjoy it. However, if you're like me and you view movies objectively, I highly doubt that this is going to win you over and I would recommend (not highly, since you'll probably see it anyway) that you give this one a pass.

3 -- Poor (La La Land went wrong somewhere along the line. The original idea might have been promising, but in practice this movie has failed. It threatens to be interesting sometimes, but rarely.)

How I Review Movies/Games: https://www.thetoptens.com/best-movies/48379.asp

Next Movie Review: TBA

What's happening guys, this is DCfnaf! Thanks for reading this movie review. I hope it helped those of you who were curious to watch this film. If you liked this, be sure to stick around for more high quality reviews, responses, and rants. See you all next time.

Comments

3/10, Wow - VideoGamefan5 (2/21/2017)

So...much...hype for such an awful movie. - DCfnaf (2/21/2017)

I enjoyed the movie, but I have to really agree, reviewers like metacritic and rotten tomatoes and ESPICALLY The Oscars have to give more respect for blockbusters, (if you see supersonic17's list you'll see what I mean) - VideoGamefan5 (2/21/2017)

I heard this movie got something like 276274637644646 Oscars - TwilightKitsune (2/22/2017)

A mess gets that much praise. Unbelievable. This was not even CLOSE to being the best movie of the year. God, that Audition Scene... - DCfnaf (2/22/2017)

La La Land is pretty much Torture Land and is featured guest star...or guest moon from AlphaQ's EVIL older brother, Bikini Ass Face aka Ben. He's is 174829739284828 worse than Disney1994 at his worst. - AlphaQ (3/23/2017)

@GamerMike35 eh, id go with Passengers as the worst movie. 2016 was actually excellent for movies. - AlphaQ (5/5/2017)

I love this movie but I have to agree with you on the part where you questioned how this movie is a musical. It's kind of how I feel about some Disney films that are considered musicals. Cinderella for example. - MegaSoulhero (2/22/2017)

It's sad that critics hyped this up so much since this really shouldn't be called the best movie of the year. Yeah, I came to see a musical not a soap opera. - DCfnaf (2/23/2017)

La La Land was just a huge disappointment. - visitor (2/23/2017)

Top 5 best Movies Of 2016
5. Ice Age: Collision Course
4. Ghostbusters
3. Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justicie
2. Suicide Squad
1. Norm Of The North - VideoGamefan5 (2/23/2017)

Also La La Land, Rogue One, Nine Lives, The Darkness, Gods of Egypt, and others were also fantastic movies. :P - DCfnaf (2/24/2017)

@DCfnaf, Hm... Strange Because I Hate Dork Of The Dorth, Suicidal Cancer Squad, Batman V Depressedman: Yawn Of Justice, Flopbusters, Rice Rage: Collision Cash Grab, La La Bland, Rogue Zero, 69 Lives, The Porkness, And Devils Of Crap - VideoGamefan5 (2/24/2017)

@VideoGamefan5 Suicidal Cancer Squad, lmao - TristGamer (3/1/2017)

Best films of 2016:
25. Blandman vs Salamiman: Yawn of Cheeseburger
.
.
.
7. The Dankness
6. 69 Lives
5. Bla Bla Bland
4. Lice Rage: Colission Of Bad
3. Manchester By The Shtty
2. Da Space Between anUs
1. Noom Of the North - AlphaQ (12/2/2017)

You should review a horrible movie like FoodFight, or Norm Of The North. - TristGamer (3/1/2017)

I'm definitely gonna review The Emoji Movie when it comes out. I don't think I need to sit myself through Norm of the North currently. - DCfnaf (3/1/2017)

I stopped after half than hour it was so bad and slow - visitor (4/22/2017)

I can't believe Common Sense Media changed the movie rating to a 5/5 AND deemed it as "great for families." HELLO, there were several cuss words in the movie! Not what I call family-friendly! - visitor (5/1/2017)

so bad... - visitor (5/14/2017)

I'm Neutral Towards This Movie - JPK (5/18/2017)

I loved the ending. - djpenquin999 (5/19/2017)

I don't plan on watching Blah Blah Bland anytime soon. - Absolite (6/10/2017)

I'm gonna get hate for this, but I loved it, sure the story was pretty cliche, but damn the musical numbers were outright fantastic! The music is just great and it has neat choreography. Although the love story is something that we've seen a lot before, the movie handles it well, and Ryan goslings/ Emma stones chemistry is really good! I'm sorry everyone but I just cannot bandwagon on this one. Not a 10/10 movie, but I would give it an 8-9/10 in my own personal opinion, it's a love it or hate it and I will review it maybe soon - Phillip873 (9/25/2017)

A lot of people liked the movie, so I knew people would disagree with this review. You're not getting hate, I'll make sure lol - DCfnaf (9/26/2017)

I'd also like to add that the scenes where sebastian sits and plays piano were brilliant for me, I love jazz and that was definitely an example of how pianos should be played in jazz. I view movies objectively just like you, but I just cannot help but really like this movie - Phillip873 (9/25/2017)

Eh. Felt like a waste of time and a way to pander to jazz fans - DCfnaf (9/26/2017)

I felt like it didn't pander because the soundtrack was actually original and not ripped from a top 50 jazz list - Phillip873 (9/26/2017)

You know, I'm not even surprised this site hates this movie.

Good review I guess. - ProPanda (9/26/2017)

I know that the movie was well received by everybody, but there was something about it that always brought my blood to a boil.

And thanks. - DCfnaf (9/26/2017)

I personally think this is the best musical ever. I cannot wait for Chazelle's next movie, First Man. - iliekpiez (10/7/2018)