DCfnaf Rants: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul Trailer

DCfnaf Let's all chat for a second. First of all, I haven't had a good rant in a while. Second of all, I've wanted to rant about a movie trailer for a while. I asked myself "What do I want to rant about"? I had two choices. I could rant about the trailer for The Emoji Movie, which practically everyone on this site has ranted about...or I could fulfill a request of Frodomar49 and rant about the new Wimpy Kid trailer. Yeah...the latter sounds far more interesting, doesn't it?

Diary of a Wimpy Kid is one of the most overrated franchises of all time. I've read the books and laughed, but the movies...meh, they were pretty boring. Dog Days was so awful that I was GLAD when I...THOUGHT...this crappy excuse for a movie franchise would be dead afterwards. (Seriously, why would you have Rodrick sing "Baby" by Justin Bieber even WORSE than the original artist to be romantic??) Now, we get a trailer that teases a movie that will probably be even WORSE.

The trailer starts off with a superhero-like narrator...but then we get to the anticlimactic DOAWK part of the trailer. We get to see the new Greg complaining about how he has no control over his life and then we see his parents talking about the great Heffley road trip. The trailer tells us that "A new generation of wimps hits the road" but apparently this is continuing the franchise that was started a few years ago so...I was confused. We see Greg and the seagull issue, but it's not on a bridge for whatever reason at all. We also get a glimpse of the atrocious new Rodrick putting a frozen pizza into a safe and locking it inside. They also have Rowley for whatever reason at all, Manny and his annoying pig, and the idiotic parents who are into crappy rap music (they even sing in the trailer and that automatically made me want to review this trailer). They also show a scene of Greg saying that the place he wants to go is "2 inches away" from their house by looking at a map, but the stupidity of it is that Greg is not THAT stupid and has a better IQ. The trailer also acts like this is a brand new series and there are new faces, but we've seen all of these faces before, they just changed the cast to get more money. We also see a scene with the Bearded dude, a mud scene, and a bunch of clips from the actual book that were out in the movie. The pig crapping into the toilet and everyone getting disgusted was horrible and unfunny as heck. Then that was the end of the trailer.

Horrible.

Let's get the biggest problem with this trailer out of the way, and this SAME PARAGRAPH will probably be in my movie review: The New Cast. I'm not going to be that typical person who says "gah, the cast is not the same it SUCKS!!" The problem with them doing this is that they are continuing the exact same franchise...with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CAST. At least in the new "Ghostbusters" it wasn't a continuation of the same franchise, just that they changed all of the actors. Zach Gordon had a deep voice and was the perfect age for an 8th grader over the summer. This new Greg looks and sounds much younger than an 8th grade child, and that will automatically take you out of it. Then there's Rodrick...oh my god...#NOTMYRODRICK!!!! Finally, a meme I LIKE!! Rodrick in the previous movie kind of reminded me of a poor man's Adam Lambert with the eyeliner and the band. Now, he looks like a member of BOTDF with no face paint. The other changes are not as big of a deal, but they were still really stupid.

Another problem is that the humor seems half-assed and a little ridiculous. The pig crapping into a toilet isn't funny and everyone getting grossed out isn't funny. The pandering music joke is not funny. The map joke isn't funny. All of the jokes were unfunny, meaning this is probably going to be boring or disgusting.

It looks atrocious. The acting is atrocious. The cast is atrocious. The jokes are atrocious. Just everything is atrocious!!!!

I don't understand WHY this franchise needed to continue. Nobody asked for a 4th movie, especially when Zach Gordon said that the cast was getting older and probably wasn't gonna make a new movie. Now, they've switched the cast, made it pandering to the lowest IQ, and they've single handedly gave us the impression that they're making this for the sole intent of making extra money. This movie will suck.

My review for this trash will come sometime this weekend or next weekend.

Anyway, today's rant equation:

Rodrick
————= #NOTMYRODRICK
🎸🎸🎸

What's Happening Guys, this is DCfnaf! I hope you enjoyed this rant. If you liked this, be sure to stick around for more high quality reviews, responses, and rants. See you all next time!

Comments

Great rant. This movie looks so bad that even kids at my school are against it and the New Rodrick looks like Lord Farquad. - visitor (5/20/2017)

Phenomenal rant. I was never a big fan of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies (I watched only one of them that was airing on Cartoon Network, but I could have seen better movies than that. I forgot which one it was though.), but based on all the flaws you pointed out in this upcoming installment ranging from the new cast to the disgusting and pandering humor, I can't wait to see you tear this movie apart. - visitor (5/20/2017)

This move franchise is a guilty pleasure of mine, even Dog Days. I will still see this movie out of curiosity, but I agree with the unnecessary cast change. I understand the change for Greg, since Zachary Gordon is like 20 now, but why change the actors for Rodrick and the parents? - visitor (5/21/2017)

Good review. - ProPanda (5/21/2017)

Zachary Gordon is already an adult. Devon Bostick still looks like a Rodrick instead of Loord Farquaad or (CENSORED) like what Shrek said. NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS. - TristGamer (5/21/2017)

Agree- I would reccomand seeing the Wall (not the great wall) - visitor (5/22/2017)

The books were not bad actually. I actually liked them. But I never read the books after the 8th one. The first movie was decent. The second movie was Mediocre I vaugely remember The 3rd one but I'm sure that Not even the biggest Diary Of a Wimpy Kid fans asked for a fourth movie. - visitor (5/22/2017)

I haven't read the latest book in the series, but I've read all of the others, and they were good. The movies were at least decent. But this movie... just based off of the trailer and your rant... should have all evidence of it erased from the universe and people's memories. - Skullkid755 (5/22/2017)

I haven't watched the movie (and probably won't) but it definitely looks horrendous. - MegaSoulhero (5/22/2017)

I read all the books of the series and if they focused more on them maybe the movie would be better - TwilightKitsune (5/23/2017)

Oh and why not review Baywatch, I mean I dunno why but its dumb but it knew it was. I kinda found it enjoyable for some weird reason. - visitor (5/24/2017)

Also please check my new post - visitor (5/25/2017)

This was probably the worst movie of 2017 besides Fifty Shades Darker. - Absolite (6/10/2017)

I honestly like Diary Of A Wimpy Kid movies, but this new one looks bad. And they replaced all the actors in the original movie series. - visitor (6/13/2017)

Lol, the new actor for Rodrick does look like a BOTDF member, lol! - visitor (6/13/2017)

Why did they change the parents though I mean the adults are not like fifty or sixty (I think) so why change them - Tyoshi (6/16/2017)

I still like the books and the three movies, but yeah, it sucks. Even the book is better, and that is saying something! - IcetailofWishClan (7/13/2018)