Swellow Rants - Birthday Cake

Swellow
2011/2012 were clearly the years of Rihanna turning downhill and transitioning from catchy pop music to the more mature style music. Was it successful? Somewhat. You had Only Girl In the World, where she does traditional catchy pop, to Rude Boy, a more mature take. Sadly, we also got the infamous incident involving Chris Brown beating her up brought back up, and I was hoping the vile song wouldn't come back. It did, and they both made a terrible collage for no reason at all; Birthday Cake.

"Is this a birthday song" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--- No. It's clearly not. Never judge the song by it's title.

Let's start with a song where the title should not fool you into the meaning, starting with Rihanna's first hook part: "Come and put your name on it (put your name on it)[4x]/Bet you wanna put your name on it[4x]Come and put your name on it"

OK, first of all; Why do you sound like Kesha if she had more autotune in her voice--- Wait, Kesha with the autotune is much more bearable than this. Also, "put your name on it"? What are you, a possession? Whatever. Let's move on to the next part.

"It's not even my birthday, but he wanna lick the icing off/I know you want it in the worst way (the worst way), can't wait to blow the candles out/He want that cake, cake, cake cake, cake, cake, cake (come and put your name on it)/Ooh baby I like it, it's so exciting/Don't try to hide it, I'mma make you my glitch/cake, cake, cake cake, cake, cake, cake (you wanna put your name on it?)"

OK, I guess you should know by this point the song is not about a birthday. She repeats cake a million times without virtually any meaning or charisma to it, without lyrics helping it. "And it's not even my birthday, but you wanna put your name on it/And it's not even my birthday, and he's tryna put his name on it" OK, stop with the possession stuff. It's creepy.

Now we move onto Chris Brown's part, which sounds as if Justin Bieber had sang it to Selena in an attempt to keep their relationship normal:

"(Let goooooo)Girl I wanna love you right now/Been a long time, I've been missing your body/(Let me) Let me turn the lights down, when I go down, it's a private party" Oh god, what the heck!? "I've been missing her body" Ummm... you beat her up 2 years before you wrote the song and got in jail over it, why the heck would you miss it? I'm already hating this moron... His next chorus is basically Rihanna's part sang by him with little changes, so skip. To his next part:

"Doggy want that kitty, give me a heart attack and throw it back/Now watch me get it, and I knew this but you get the s***/Damn, girl you pretty/Blowing out your candles, let me make a couple of wishes" What are the wishes, Chris, what are they? To Rihanna's disgusting part:

"Remember how ya did it, remember how ya fit it, if you still wanna get it, come come come and get it/Sweeter than a rice cake, cake worth sipping/Kill it, tip it, cake, fill it/If you sexy and ya know it and you ain't afraid to show it, put a candle on my freaking back baby, blow it/Love the way you do when ya do it like that/Show up with the stats and bring the racks on my racks" The first line is disgusting. The rest, oh god. I'm just going to do one last part and then move on:

"Wrap it up wrap it up boy while I take this bow off/Talk that talk yeah, I know I'm such a show off/Daddy make a wish, put this cake on your face and it's not even my birthday" I'm not even doing the rest. The fact she collaborated with the same man who beat her to a pulp in 2009 and the fact she still trusts him is gross.

The beat isn't a help either. It sounds like students driving through a school to get to class while the bell rings, and then them speeding off because they got a suspension. It's non-existent, so yeah, no beat to save it. No starting on the video, too bad. I'll give it a -9/10 for trash and move on.

Comments

Cripes, this song is tripe, right? Also, process these lines more:

"Give it to her in the worst way" - Chris Brown

"Been a long time I've been missing your body" - Chris Brown

"Remember how you did it? " - Rihanna

So do the writers hate Chris Brown as much as me and BDFR do? - WonkeyDude98

Obviously, it's terrible. Here are the explanations of the lines:
"Give to her in the worst way" Umm... you already did give it to her in a bad way about 2 years before the song was made. Why in the name of the lord would you do it again? Back to prison?
"Been a long time, I've been missing your body" If it's the talk-that-talk stuff, ok...? If it's the beat-up stuff, ugh, no.
"Remember how you did it? " Talk-that-talk or beat-up, still disgusting. - Swellow

Yes Chris Brown, it has been a long time. BECAUSE A RESTRAINING ORDER GOT PLACED. And yes Rihanna, he remembers how he punched you, put you in a headlock, and bit your ear. - WonkeyDude98

I wonder if Chris Brown is mentally sane at this point. - Swellow

"It sounds like students driving through a school to get to class while the bell rings, and then them speeding off because they got a suspension.".
You made my day. - Hotheart123

Good Rant - VideoGamefan5

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