WonkeyDude98's Formal Rage: Break Up

WonkeyDude98
You know...2009 was a very overrated year for music. Ke$ha made a rather polarized debut, Beyonce was worse than ever, and rap barely had a presence with Eminem being at his very worst ever and Kanye West squandering one of the only good rap songs of that year (Forever). But that was just the icing on the cake. It's time to tear to shreds the song that ripped the decade apart, along with FACK and My Humps. There's a reason why Gucci Mane, Mario, and Sean Garett became anonymous a year after this released.

"I love you but I don't think/I can love you anymore". The best part of the song. So many emotions packed into one lyric.

Then the song delves into madness. I wanna start with what brings it down the most: the music. Lemme ask; do you like creepy funhouse music? This is what it sounds like. The whirring melody and the pounding synth and bass that consists of one repetitive note and drills into your skull are painful. Also the presentation in itself is ugly. It sounds like they want to murder the 2nd person (why would you wanna break up).

Let's go into the lyrics. "When I kiss you so good/Why would you wanna break up?/When this loving is so good/Why would you wanna break up?/When I hit that so good/Why would you wanna break up?/When this feeling is so good,/Why would you wanna break up?" Nevermind the presentation. Nevermind the fact that good was rhymed with itself four times. No, look at Mario and Sean's reasoning for the fact that she shouldn't break up. KILL ME. We've already seen four issues with the entire song without it even being a minute in.

"Loving you, loving you, loving you/When I'm, when I'm/Loving you, loving you/Why would you wanna break up?/Do anything for you/Why would you wanna break up?/See I been driving through your hood/Why would you wanna break up?" Advice to men: if you want to keep a relationship stable, visit your girlfriend's hood. That's it. Also, the way Sean asks why she would wanna break up deeply disturbs me.

"Now baby girl have dumped me/She no longer wants me/I'm no longer hired/She says that I've been fired/On to the next one/More fish in the sea/Girls are like buses/Miss one, Next 15 one comin'/Gucci Mane crazy and his ice game stunnin'/Swag so stupid still the b***h straight dumped me/Over, no more smokin' doja/Baby girl went AWOL/She used to be my soulja". I'm confused. Gucci Mane doesn't care, then he's angry, then he's remorseful. PICK ONE BRO!! Also the swag, doja, and AWOL lines made me involuntarily shudder with disgust. One more thing: soulja? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!! You remind me of a soldier, Gucci: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8UFIYGkROII (I had to suffer listening to that again; you're welcome).

"Don't I lace you with the Gucci/(Don't) Don't I deck you in the Louis/(Don't) don't I make your earlobes freeze/(Don't) don't when I dive I dive deep?/I know I be, gone/I know I be, gone/I know I be, (flirtin' with them girls)/I know I be, said I'd be right back, but take to long./I know I be, saying I be faithful but I don't". You know, I like when a lot of emotions are laced into one song, it gives it depth. But here Mario is laying out too many of them and they are too drastically different. Self-inflating and then self-deprecating? What? Mario's voice doesn't help. Did you know all the lyrics here without a lyric site or video? Congrats: you're a liar. The autotune and falsetto silted over Mario's vocals literally gives me physical pain.

"I know I be/Making you them promises/Then breaking you're heart again/Telling you she wasn't, who she was/Then we arguing/But baaaaaaby/I loooooove you/(OOOOOOHHH)" That OH at the end killed the entire momentum of the lyrics which could've actually had some weight.

"You might be from the hood/But to me girl you're a model/Everything that I-I-I ever seen in a model/If you're leaving baby, don't leave me till tomorrow:Tonight we gon' get a little tipsy, with a bottle/You gonna get me up'
I'm take 'em down/I'm gonna change my ways/We gon' work it out/Girl I wouldn't be the same if you was with somebody else/Girl it wouldn't be the same if I was with somebody else". After Gucci's verse, isn't it a little late to be sincere? Also points off for rhyming model with model with tomorrow.

"I know I made mistakes before/Promise you won't get hurt no more/I got what you like it, you know/Once you lay down/It's on". Why is it that I, possibly the person who has had the least luck with girls ever, is criticizing the relationship abilities of a grown man who has probably gotten more girls than I've met?

Bring the spotlight back to Gucci: "Why you wanna leave me/You should wanna tease me/Icing ain't easy, I make it look easy/You should cop you're belly/Mention rock Louis?/Now its for shawty?/I don't like Gucci (Gucci, Gucci, Gucci)". Complete nonsense. Icing? Ewww...also Gucci doesn't even like himself. Lol.

I give up. *stabs himself with a kitchen knife* Everyone paints themselves in a terrible way on this track. Mario presents himself as this weirdly possessive and self-centered brat which isn't helped by his simpering vocals, Sean Garett (who is the best on the track) presents himself as a huge creep which also isn't helped by his Nate Dogg-wannabe vocals, and Gucci Mane (who is the worst on the track) presents himself as an arrogant, hurtful toolbag, not helped by his Snoop Dogg-wannabe vocals. Even with all that, the beat is easily the worst part.

I'm going to give this a -1/5 and I'm crowning it the 3rd worst song of the last decade (behind My Humps and FACK). This is WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Comments

By the way, Kesha no longer has a $ in her name, so basically what I heard was the her manager was body shaming her and ultimately caused her to go to rehab, after that, she removed the $ and is now just Kesha. - KJS2300

I didn't know that. Cool. But I'm talking about her debut when she was called that. - WonkeyDude98

As horrendous as Break Up is, Pop Champagne is MUCH worse. - NiktheWiz

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