Billboard Top 20 RANKED: March 18, 2017

WonkeyDude98
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!

And I get this.

The DIE Tier

20. Body Like A Backroad
I saw this song debut in the top 40. I thought it was just a fluke and it would fall off immediately. Then I found out it was because of sales. So I thought that people would wake up to what they've done and it would plummet off the charts. Then it gained again. Then I found out it was still because of sales. And now it's here. Why do I even review pop music anymore?

Do I even need to say anything? It's a song about Sam Hunt (after the abomination that was Drinkin' Too Much) comparing his fiancée's body to a dirt road that's beaten up and unused. I mean I could go on by saying that even with that it's musically broken in the least interesting way possible, but I think this really speaks for itself. The only thing more I could say is that this is the worst song to hit the top 20 since Anaconda by Nicki Minaj. Negative one point, I think that about sums it up.

The SCRUB Tier

19. Fake Love
So...this still exists. And also I forgot to mention this song has a Charlie Puth impression.

18. I Don't Wanna Live Forever
I swear this chart is good besides our top 5...this is Taylor Swift's first charting song since Wildest Dreams. And it's possibly worse than Bad Blood. This is a collaboration with Zayn Malik for the Fifty Shades Darker soundtrack, and it doesn't even try to hide it. The burbling synths, clumsy trap percussion, snaps that stick out way too much, Taylor Swift being an utter nonpresence, Zayn doing a Charlie Puth impression [2], and the whole vibe of the song (it has to be a crime to make two soundtracks to porn movies and have them both be this unsexy) just give off this feel of mutual apathy, and that's not a good thing.

17. Bad and Boujee
Bad and...yeah, that sums it up.

16. Closer
The Chainsmokers.

15. Paris
The Chainsmokers.

14. Something Just Like This
The Chainsmokers.

13. Bad Things
How on this green earth have we given Camila Cabello two #4 hits in the past two years? And why are they both terrible?

12. Shape Of You
I swear I would like this song a lot if it weren't a tropical house song especially given that TROPICAL HOUSE SHOULD DIEEEEE

The BAD Tier

11. Tunnel Vision
This is just Everything 1K, except somehow even less insightful, interesting, or intelligent as that. And given Kodak Black...yeah, you should know how that would go.

10. Chained To The Rhythm
A Katy Perry comeback that's somehow more boring than Rise made it into the upper half of this ranking.

Bad chart.

9. Can't Stop The Feeling
For some ungodly reason, this is back.

The MEH Tier

8. Mercy
This is easily the best song off of Shawn Mendes' last album.

It was not a good album.

The DECENT Tier

7. Bounce Back
It's pretty generic, but there are some pretty awesome punchlines and wordplay in here. Definitely better than half that album.

The GOOD Tier

6. That's What I Like
How did Bruno know that luxury porn is what I like?

5. Love On The Brain
Bluesy, raw, and honestly beautiful. This would have probably topped this ranking if not for the backing vocals...

4. iSpy
Yeah it's nowhere near as good as Broccoli (at least not right now), but it's definitely more balanced.

The GREAT Tier

3. Scars To Your Beautiful
This is getting slightly old, but I still can't deny how dark and honest this song is about the teen demographic. And yes, the chorus is generic, but this song presents more than one situation, and wants to provide solace for them all, so it really does work for me.

24. K Magic
Yep. Still awesome. Which means...

1. I Feel It Coming
Sometimes I wish the Weeknd had worse instincts for singles so he'd stop topping these lists. But yeah, this is amazing. It almost feels like a closer to his career, with the very Michael Jackson harmonizations, the tropical beat, the vocoders, the brighter, happier lyrics, this is a miracle of a song that really deserved a better album.

And it also deserved a better chart. December scored an average 51/100. This chart got a 34/100, which is just plain pitiful. This is the worst the charts have been since...man, after The Hills grew on me, I don't even know. 2017 is starting out terribly, and I just hope it gets better soon. In order to do that, I need a musket and Sam Hunt's address.

Anyways yeah, it's my birthday today. Kinda makes this already miserable chart even worse. This is WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Comments

Too harsh

Awful
20. Body Like A Backroad
19. Fake Love
18. Tunnel Vision
17. Bad Things
17. I Don't Wanna Live Forever
Bad
15. Bad And Boujee
14. Shape Of You
13. Chained To The Rhythm
12. Can't Stop The Feeling
11. Closer
Meh
10. 24k Magic (honestly being REALLY generous to American Pop Charts right now)
9. Scars To Your Beautiful
Decent (normally don't do this, but whatevs)
8. Love On The Brain
7. Mercy
6. That's What I Like
Good
5. iSpy
4. Something Just Like This
Great
3. Paris
2. I Feel It Coming
1. Bounce Back.
Ok, now I see where you're coming from. - ProPanda

Why did you rate Body Like A Backroad so high? - WonkeyDude98

This is as low as it goes... - ProPanda

Heathens: -1/5
*asks about Body Like A Backroad*
That's as low as it goes... - WonkeyDude98

Well BLABR is a -2/5, but it (and Heathens) are gonna be in the Awfuls 4 now - ProPanda

K good - WonkeyDude98

Also your score is 46/100. - WonkeyDude98

If Body Like a Back Road becomes the #1 country song of the year, that'll be a terrible sign for the country charts. - NiktheWiz

Nothing can stop it now, so I'd count on it.

End my life. - WonkeyDude98

The Chainsmokers And Florida Georgia Line have a collab coming up. That might do it, if Billaord calls it country. - ProPanda

Rumor has it that there is going to be collab between The Band Perry and Nicki Minaj this year on a song titled, Won't Grow Up; if it's true, then I won't be surprised at all. - NiktheWiz

Except The Band Perry haven't been relevant since forever. - ProPanda

Nils:
20. Tunnel Vision
19. Body Like A Back Road
18. Bad Things
17. Fake Love
Ones:
16. I Don't Wanna Live Forever
15. Bounce Back
Twos:
14. Bad & Boujee
13. Can't Stop Charting
12. Closer
11. Shape Of You
10. Chained To The Rhythm
Threes:
9. Paris
8. Mercy
7. Scars To Your Beautiful
6. Something Just Like This
5. iSpy
Fours:
4. That's What I Like
Fives:
3. I Feel It Coming
2. Love On The Brain
1. 24K Magic - ryansliao

Your score is also 46/100. Weirs. - WonkeyDude98

*weird - WonkeyDude98

EDIT: Tunnel Vision is now #19 in the SCRUB TIER. That'd a 33/100, half of the entire top 20 are songs that are absolutely reprehensible, that's just sad. - WonkeyDude98

I guess I'll use the 5-star system for once:

Crap:
20.) Body Like a Back Road
19.) Shape Of You
18.) Can't Stop the Feeling
17.) Tunnel Vision
16.) Bad and Boujee
15.) Closer
14.) 24k Magic

Bad:
13.) Bad Things
12.) Chained to the Rhythm
11.) Fake Love
10.) I Don't Wanna Live Forever
9.) Bounce Back
8.) Something Like This
7.) Paris

Meh:
6.) Scars To Your Beautiful
5.) Mercy

Decent:
4.) iSpy

Good
3.) That's What I Like

Great:
2.) I Feel It Coming
1.) Love on the Brain

Overall: 28/100. Absolutely dreadful. - NiktheWiz

Your hate of 24K Magic is incorrect.

And Bounce Back lol - WonkeyDude98

Why Do You Hate Bruno Mars Songs Like 24k Magic? - VideoGamefan5

Update: Move Tunnel Vision to the Die Tier (-1). Now my score is 27/100. - NiktheWiz

Edit:
24k Magic and Closer up to Bad (+2)

Score is now 29/100. - NiktheWiz

Something Just Like This should've been much higher. - LightningBlade

There really isn't anything technically wrong with it, but everything about it just makes me groan with exasperation and screams at me to turn the station. - WonkeyDude98

I know it's a sound-alike... - LightningBlade

I didn't even consider that. - WonkeyDude98

Also, BLABR is worse than Anaconda. - WonkeyDude98

EDIT: Tunnel Vision maintains #19, but is moved to the DIE TIER.

The score would be 32/100, but Something Just Like This is moved up to the DECENT TIER, so it's a 35/100. - WonkeyDude98

Edit: SJLT wants something just like the BAD TIER 33/100 - WonkeyDude98

Actually die. - ProPanda

Bad and Boujee, Fake Love, Bounce Back and iSpy turned out good. - AlphaQ

For me Love on the brain is number one, her voice is amazing and the old school vibres are surprising. - DaisyandRosalina

Redoing this because WOW

Awful
20. Bad Things
Bad
19. Body Like A Backroad
18. I Wanna Die
17. Tunnel Vision
16. Shape Of You
15. Bad And Boujee
14. Closer
13. Can't Stop The Feeling!
Meh
12. Chained To The Rhythm
11. 24k Magic
10. Scars
Decent
9. Mercy
8. iSpy
Good
7. Love On The Brain
Great
6. That's What I Like
5. Something Just Like This
4. I Feel It Coming
3. Fake Love
2. Bounce Back
1. Paris - ProPanda

SCORE: 53/100

Good, I guess. - ProPanda

Move Bad And Boujee to the meh tier, making the score a 54/100 - ProPanda

S*** Tier:
20. Fake Love
Bad Tier:
19. Mercy
Meh Tier:
18. Scars to Your Beautiful
Decent Tier:
17. Body Like a Backroad
16. Love on the Brain
Good Tier:
15. Bad Things
14. Can't Stop the Feeling!
13. Tunnel Vision
12. Closer
11. Bad and Boujee
10. That's What I Like
Great Tier:
9. 24K Magic
8. I Feel It Coming
7. Bounce Back
6. Shape of You
5. Chained to the Rhythm
4. Something Just Like This
3. iSpy
2. Paris
1. I Don't Wanna Live Forever
I got 78/100 lol, a C+ - Anthony_Gaming1

OK FOR REAL THIS TIME

DIE TIER
20. Body Like A Spit Take
19. Rape

SCRUB TIER
18. Fake Love (wonder why)
17. Paris
16. Bad Things (like this)
15. Closer
14. Chained to the Rhythm
13. Bad and just Bad
12. I Don't Wanna Live
11. Shape of You
10. Something Just Like This
9. Can't Stop The Feeling

BAD TIER
...

MEH TIER
8. Mercy

DECENT TIER
7. Bounce Back

GOOD TIER
6. That's What I Like
5. ispy
4. Love on the Brain
3. Scars to Your Beautiful

GREAT TIER
2. 4K Magic
1. I Feel It Coming

TOTAL: 29/100. Much more 2017-y. - WonkeyDude98

Well here is this rank
20. Body Like A Crack Road (-5)
19. Tunnel Vision (-5)
18. Very Heavy (-1)
17. Mercy (0)
16. Shape of You (0)
15. I Wanna Die - Zayn (0)
14. Bat Things ft. Batman (0.5)
13. Chained To Katy's Bedroom (1)
12. Bad and Boujee (1.5)
11. Syrup (1.5)
10. Can Stop the Feeling (3)
9. Something Just Liek Piss (3)
8. Love on the Brain (4)
7. That's What I Like (4.5)
6. Fake Love (4.5)
5. 24 Magic (5)
4. Scars To Your Beautiful (5)
3. Bounce Back (5)
2. iSpy (5.5)
1. I Feel It Coming (6)

OVERALL 38/100. WEAK. - AlphaQ

You need to fix this and put Tunnel Vision at 19 lol. - DCfnaf

Why is Boobies Liek A Black Toad on here so long? - AlphaQ

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