Every 2017 Hit Song Ranked!

WonkeyDude98
"2017 made me wanna 20-kill myself" - TheDoubleAgent

Except for real this time.

SAM HUNT TIER (-3/5)
#100. Body Like A Back Road: If you like this wholeheartedly, you are part of the problem.

PYONGYANG TIER (-2/5)
#99. Tunnel Vision: What a terrible human being.

BLEACH TIER (-1/5)
#98. Look What You Made Me Do: The biggest flop in pop history, and for good reason.
#97. Swang: This is a below-average Rae Sremmurd bonus track that we made one of the 70 biggest hits of the entire year. Good job America.
#96. Juju on that Beat: Vine's last dying breath, if only it brushed its damn tongue.
#95. Closer: With the benefit of hindsight, this would have stayed my #1 worst hit song of 2016 by far. It's not any better here.
#94. Mi Gente: The fact that the same song was made three times and it actually worked as one of the biggest hits of all time makes me start convulsing.
#93. Thunder: lIgHtNiNg AnD tHe ThUnDeR
#92. Believer: The chorus is fitting, because pain is the only thing I feel when listening to this.

SCRUB TIER (0/5)
#91. Fake Love: If this year weren't so bad, this would be the worst vocal performance of the year by far.
#90. Do Re Mi: This made the year end, HOW?
#89. Look At Me: This song is about as pleasant as reading through the crimes XXXTENTACION has committed.
#88. Bad Things: Camila Cabello was the worst.
#87. Treat You Better: BED OAR DANNY CAN
#86. Strip That Down: Liam Payne is the antithesis to musicality.
#85. Down: This is as bad as Gold. Just keep that in mind.
#84. Paris: It wasn't as inexplicably huge as Closer was, but even that song had the decency to semi-accurately portray one side of millenials.
#83. Rake It Up: The Laffy Taffy of 2017.
#82. Chained to the Rhythm: This song would be so-stupid-it's-funny if it wasn't so serious.
#81. 1-800-273-8255: Who can relate? W H O O!
#80. Don't Wanna Know: This doesn't even have enough effort for it to be annoying wow.
#79. Shape of You: Concentrated noneffort, and it's the biggest hit of the year. Go figure.
#78. No Promises: Third song in a row that's awful because it's just lazy, except this is also a mess.
#77. XO TOUR Llif3: What a contrived, pseudo-introspective, agonizing atrocity.
#76. Now or Never: Who wanted a brighter Needed Me? From Halsey?
#75. Attention: The one Charlie Puth song that a good bassline couldn't redeem.
#74. Can't Stop The Feeling: Why did it take me so long to realize just how much of an atrocity this was?
#73. Issues: hurr durr fittingly titled
#72. Say You Won't Let Go: The ultimate WGWAG song.
#71. Bank Account: This would be way lower if I had any emotional attachment to this whatsoever.
#70. Magnolia: I didn't expect this song to be so annoying when I started relistening to the year end. Also Playboi Carti can go to hell.
#69. The Fighter: This is so insanely not-country that it's no surprise it only became a small hit because of an awards show.
#68. I'm the One: This was a #1 hit and that says more about 2017 than I could ever hope to.
#67. T-Shirt: At least it isn't Thomas Rhett's...
#66. Slippery: Oh yeah it's Migos again.
#65. I Don't Wanna Live Forever: This sounds like a Charlie Puth sex song if it wasn't Marvin Gaye.
#64. Despacito: This would be in the Great Tier without Justin Bieber. Just keep that in mind.
#63. Bad and Boujee: The fact that we gave Lil Uzi Vert a #1 hit is flat out disgraceful before you consider song quality.
#62. Mask Off: I've listened to this like four times in full and have had that flute loop roughly stuck in my head multiple times... I'm still not sure this exists.
#61. Rolex: Obnoxious Rae Sremmurd wannabes. And they're somehow better than the original.
#60. What About Us: At least it's not Just Like Fire.
#59. Sorry Not Sorry: Bryson Tiller... okay he didn't do it better but this still sucks.
#58. Something Just Like This: This combines Coldplay's twee with the Chainsmokers' calculation. It's basically EDM hell.
#57. Small Town Boy: yeehaw
#56. Starving: How many synonyms are there for "mess"?
#55. Caroline: One of the more adored songs of the year, for reasons unexplainable by man.
#54. Rockabye: This sounds like if Kygo did a song with AJR.

BAD TIER (1/5)
#53. Both: Drake's verse is hot garbage wow.
#52. Stay: A disaster, a disappointment from Cara and run-of-the-mill from Zedd.
#51. Wild Thoughts: This has actually grown on me quite a bit.
#50. Hurricane: Such a nothing song.
#49. Mercy: Fittingly titled.

MEH TIER (2/5)
#48. Passionfruit: Ironic that passion is part of the title because this song is the antithesis of it. Also yes, less than half the year end is even close to passable.
#47. It Ain't Me: I like the concept of the song way more than the song itself, which is not at all. And all of that is Kygo's fault.
#46. Everyday We Lit: What a nothing song. There's one cute line that keeps the song from being utterly worthless but that's it.
#45. ispy: KYLE is such a horrible boyfriend lol
#44. That's What I Like: The ULTIMATE shrinker.
#43. Bodak Yellow: If there was ever a song that pulled you in only for a sucker punch of boredom, this would be it.
#42. Love on the Brain: It's a well-formed song overall, but there are so many flaws in the vocals (Rihanna's and the backing's) and lyrics that it constantly feels like it's assaulting my eardrums despite the amazing production.
#41. HUMBLE.: This song fluctuated a lot for me. At first I hated it with such a passion that it would be in the bottom 20 if I had the same opinion of it. Then it grew on me when the album came out and I found it decent. Then I realized I didn't know why I liked it.
#40. Let Me Love You: Justin Bieber is actually good here. Go figure.

DECENT TIER (3/5)
#39. Too Good At Goodbyes: Great composition and Sam Smith sounds remarkable, but these lyrics are godawful. If you turn your brain off it's like 30 spots higher.
#38. Malibu: The most inoffensive song on the year end.
#37. rockstar: This is a very nice, calm, mellow, dark song that shouldn't be. Also it's not Candy Paint.
#36. Location: Preciously awkward.
#35. Scars to Your Beautiful: It's shrunk on me pretty hard but I could see how this could have power for someone.
#34. I Get The Bag: The one Migos song that doesn't make me want to punch Quavo in the nuts. Hell, the one Quavo song this year that doesn't make me want to punch Quavo in the nuts.
#33. Congratulations: It's no Candy Paint, but it's catchy enough.
#32. There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back: This is objectively pretty great, but I genuinely never want to hear it again.
#31. Cold: This would be a lot higher without Future.
#30. Bounce Back: Is this even that special tho?
#29. Slow Hands: This song has a great groove and melody and I actually like the vocal layering, but that first verse is terrriiiblllleeeee.
#28. In Case You Didn't Know: This is the Photograph of country music and of 2017. And yet it turns out slightly better than that song.

GOOD TIER (4/5)
#27 Side to Side: It's not Into You so I'm mad.
#26. Love Galore: SZA doesn't need autotune so it just sounds messy on the hook, but this is still a really potent song. Yes, including Travis Scott.
#25. LOYALTY.: Solid song, one that Rihanna should do more of, but that 24K Magic sample is kind of irritating.
#24. Drowning: I'm not including Kodak Black in my opinion of this song because frankly I have no reason to.
#23. Feels: Would be probably top 15 without Katy Perry.
#22. Feel It Still: A summer jam for the autumn.
#21. Black Beatles: The ultimate grower and trap song. Swae Lee makes me upset because he's so good.
#20. Unforgettable: Swae Lee makes me upset because he's so good. [2]
#19. Swalla: Jason Derulo is my spirit animal.

GREAT TIER (5/5)
#18. What Lovers Do: Sometimes the groove redeems it all.
#17. Young Dumb and Broke: I'mma hate high school, aren't I?
#16. Slide: The ultimate summer jam.
#15. What Ifs: THAT BRIDGE. THAT CHORUS. THAT EVERYTHING. Country at least got some justice.
#14. Goosebumps: Dark, eerie, grating, yet catchy and swaggering as hell at the same time.
#13. Water Under the Bridge: How did 25 get hits all the way into 2017?
#12. All Time Low: The example AJR should follow.
#11. I Feel It Coming: WHY COULDN'T IT BE FALSE ALARM
#10. 24K Magic: It's no Uptown Funk, but hey, I'll take what I can get.
#9. Sign of the Times: Who would have thought that a One Direction member would go down THIS path?
#8. Redbone: The fact that this was one of the biggest hits in this drainingly awful year is mindblowing.
#7. Havana: It's pretty telling that I was so addicted to it that I burned myself out on it not even five days after first hearing it.
#6. Heathens: Still a dark, overwhelming masterpiece.
#5. Starboy: WHY COULDN'T IT BE FALSE ALARM
#4. Castle on the Hill: A simple song, but one of Ed Sheeran's best and most powerful regardless.
#3. Broccoli: It's still absolutely irresistible, even with Lil Yachty.
#2. Praying: I'm kind of irritated by the whole "new Kesha" mindset, because really this is what Kesha was this whole time, people just never bothered to look further than the pop artifice. That said, the fact that this was able to convince so many people of its quality shows just how amazing it is.

GOD TIER (6/5)
#1. DNA.: Kendrick Lamar is truly a revolutionary, being able to switch up his style and themes so wildly between albums and even songs while staying awesome in all of them. The fact that this, even with Mike WiLL Made-It producing it, became a hit, is honestly mindblowing.

Sadly, Kendrick was only barely the saving grace of this awful year end. This scored identically to NiktheWiz, a 174/500, or 34.8%. This is inexcusably horrid, in a way even 2016 couldn't match. And let's not forget 21 of those points coming from the 9 songs that made the year end last year, leaving this year with a 153/455, or 33.6%, and average so atrocious I didn't think was possible even in my least generous hayday in 2015. This year left me in a state of unprofessional career depression not even mentioining anything beyond music, and I'm so glad it's over. Happy New Year from WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Comments

Love on the Brain genuinely shocks me. - DCfnaf

damn son - ProPanda

Thank you for giving Havana a good rating! Welcome to the Camilizer fandom! - CamilaHavana

W H O C A N R E L A T E - ReltihFloda

My favorite songs:
Fake Love
Attention
Love Galore
Motorsport
Treat You Better
Side to Side
Wild Thoughts
Rake It Up
1-800
Attention
Thereโ€™s Nothing Holding Me Back
Slow Hands
Stay
It Ainโ€™t Me
Mercy
HUMBLE
DNA
Location
Young Dumb and Broke
Love On The Brain
Bodak Yellow
HAVANA ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–
Sorry Not Sorry
I Donโ€™t Wanna Live Forever
What Lovers Do
Canโ€™t Stop The Feeling
Praying
Thatโ€™s What I Like
Malibu
LOYALTY
Never Be The Same
The Weekend
No Frauds
Regret In Your Tears
Wolves - CamilaHavana

I HATE BELIEVER! IT'S SO OVERPLAYED! - railfan99

Cool post although, um...Now Or Never? 0/5? - visitor

The ultimate white guy with Asian girlfriend song? - spiritofhiphop

You know, it's funny considering I also believe DNA. was the best hit song of the year, and it's probably not even top 5 Kendrick songs in my opinion. - hiphopgod

This year was absolute trash. On mine I got about a 136/500. - visitor

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