Top Ten Worst Things to Say On Your Dating Tape

The Top Ten

1 Hi, I'm [NAME] date me, please date me. Date me and you'll get a date... with me. Just DATE ME! DATE ME, YOU MISANTHROPIC HOOKER! DO IT! JUST DO IT! I'm sponsored by Nike and I'm telling you to just... DO IT! DATE ME! PLEASE!

Sounds exactly like what SuperHyperdude would say on a dating tape. No wonder they're hot for him right now! - PositronWildhawk

2 A bit about me Well I was arrested for smuggling drugs in breast transplants, DUI'ing whiles in my furry suit and I'm currently in probation for assaulting a midget from the guy not accepting the Leprechaun costume. But other than that, I'm pretty normal.

Leprechaun costume?! You monster! - PositronWildhawk

3 I don't know what I want in a girl, maybe if they're willing to make me a sandwich with the PRECISE measurement and the PRECISE placement unlike my last one... Maybe.

Perfectionist... I guess. - Fandom_Lover

4 I'm the loyal person ever. Everyday, I'll write you poems about my love for you, give you clothes made from blood, sweat and tears and I'm not meaning it metaphorically, I will slash my blood and cry out love traumas for you.

Better: "I will slash my rival's blood and laugh hysterically while doing so." - Fandom_Lover

Then next day, the lover will make clothes made of my skin. - Delgia2k

5 ... Sorry but I'm a certified asexual, so...

Well, that only relieves us of commitment issues. - PositronWildhawk

6 So about my past dating experience, I once dated a Siamese twin, which I have an undying fetish of but what turned them off was the song '2 Become 1' by Spice Girls, playing in my iPod.
7 Lemme sing you a song... Lost my guitar again, sorry. How about my kazoo? You should know that when I start blowing into it, you'll get wet, no pun intended... Yeah, can't find that either.
8 Well, in case we get to the point that we end up living with each other, it's best for me to show you some stuff I got in my room but if you hear something in the closet, just think of it as R. Kelly and no-one else
9 Before I begin, I just wanna throw out there that I'm only doing this because my mum was being a right Neanderthal up my ass for not having a decent job insurance and a relationship so if you find me devilishly handsome, I'm not fully ready yet
10 I'm not gonna brag or anything but girls call my penis "The Turtle" because it recoils and shys back on itself. In fact, my last date ended up with a heated argument on whether or not I was transsexual
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