A Sarcastic Overview of Video Game YouTubers

PositronWildhawk
HELLO, MAJORITY OF THE INTERNET! ARE YOU READY FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU'LL EVER SEE IN YOUR LIFE?!?!

Oh, sorry, I forget that my virtual country of subscribers pretty much look up to me and idolise my every move. That is their lives, and unlike me, they don't make millions from doing exactly what I do all day. I like to inspire these people not to get a job and to drop out of kindergarten before they spend whatever money they have on in-app purchases and Superman 64, because even I can make those look impossibly cool. My basement-based fans are gullible, and that's what makes me as big a star as them. To all those people without justifiable lives, I say thank you, and I know you'll pick this up, because the only other voice you ever hear is your mum's when she calls you for Maccy D's and Condom Therapy.
Yes, mother, I'm coming! *zapzapzapzapzap*

Now for a very typical video, which I promise you, is not at all the same as everything I've been doing for the past two years! What I do is blabber on for what intelligent people would call an eternity, giving a false and ludicrous but utterly realistic perspective of my character's unhealthy living situation, and blow this hope of making my humour appealing to a civilised audience by filling the vacuum joke void with noises, laughs and screams that give the distinctive sound of me humping a car crusher until my c*** has the surface area I've always wanted. If you want a more comical perspective of that, just wait for my mix of such tomfoolery into a Harlem Shake, Sparta Remix, Gangnam Style and any dead meme you can think of. And just to ensure that this is age appropriate, I'll teach your kids words, obscenities and innuendos that they don't hear on equally traumatising Teletubby medleys, and thus, bring a new life to how potentially world-changing minds will grow up. The Internet is truly a remarkable feat of science and technology, and it's only feasible that its consequences on humanity are making us more refined. Children are our future, unless we stop them now. And children are my future, because once my current fans betray me, the next generation will fill in. My eternal influence on humanity is amazing, is it not? I don't have to live forever, because computers will.

So does my career and support for you all go much further than that? Of course! I may be a millionaire, making me exactly a million times richer than you, but deep down, I'm that worthless sap that wakes up and looks at me on their iPhone every hour of every day. Unlike you, I may have once had a life, maybe even a degree, but I've sunk down to this level to share my inspiring story. When I was a tiny boy living in a basement not unlike yours, I learned how to add two digit numbers when I was eighteen, and then, somewhere in the pattern of fridge magnet numbers, I made a miracle breakthrough. I realised that there was an outside world, and at that moment I leapt from that basement into the virtual outside, obtained PhDs in history, mathematics, Klingon and wanking, all from a rando online, and my grammatically impudent thank-you tweet was made viral on numerous dreadful websites. All this crazy internet attention made me forget about my insecurities, those being that I'm an overweight, pathetic, creepy tiny t*** and that I can't read or write, or understand what the colour purple is for. But I can put all that stuff that I don't understand like multiplication tables behind me, and never look back. I have been told that my internet audience is already making me millions, both in worthless fans and in quid, so I might as well dazzle them with what I do best, and that is taking my frustrations out on virtual characters like my worthless fans do. All of that is something that absolutely nobody will infer, but I'm glad I've made my point clear. I like to think that I really am an inspirational person, up there in the hall of fame with Martin Luther King and Chris Brown, and I'm glad that so many of my fans agree. So many of them are willing to defend me as much as the state will defend legendary peace leaders, causing sophisticated flame wars and any excuse to mention me in the comments of literally any video, related or not.

So really, I'm taking the world by storm. With so many loyal fans who stay with me for a few months at a time, my entertaining and thought-provoking monologues from the basement, and my socially groundbreaking tales for the useless and pitiful t****who will live like me, only still in the poverty sector, I have caused humanity to advance at a totally different rate from before. Hopefully soon, we shall all be drawn to similar practices, and as the internet continues to develop, it will slow to the point where this is 100% of it. When we're all the same, you won't need an IQ above that percentage.

Comments

This is good but a bit of an exaggeration don't ya think? - bobbythebrony

I agree. - Therandom

Nonetheless, it was still great. - Therandom

I think it's apt. - PositronWildhawk

This is not an exaggeration. It's milder than most gaming youtubers. - visitor

This makes my toes burn like the sun. - Cheese567

Awesome - visitor

Blog post perfection. TTT at it's best. - ProPanda

Accurate for most gaming channels, but if you begin to even touch my senpai Charlie I'll cut you. - purpleyoshi98

100/10 - naFrovivuS

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