How NOT to write a story

Cyri The day has come. I have decided to do my worst at writing somewhere. Has the nerdy boy in the corner/dragon queen finally snapped? Yes. That's why I began writing in the first place.

DISCLAIMER: This was not intended to make anyone who does these feel bad. I'm just mocking mistakes I made myself, albeit in a different story, rather than mistakes, say, Billy made. (Sorry to any Billys out there!) However, I did make a few tweaks for comedic effect. Again, please don't take any accidental harshness to heart, and please enjoy my sarcasm and self-ridicule!

First off, if you want to make a truly awful piece, you have to have a beginning. Where to start, you ask? A scene full of set up, of course! Just don't do anything with it. You are releasing this on April 1st for a reason. Your readers will be so confused, they'll want to imitate that angry mob in chapter two! Except maybe they'll do something.

Next, make your main character the biggest, blandest Mary-sue ever! I mean, seriously, the only reason Bella from Twilight was so hated was because only TWO guys were after her, right? Can protagonist Jake Blake (I used that because it rhymes) kill the giant snake (still going) with only his father's rake (not sorry), and then get the girl? If not, then something went wrong!

Next, make your side characters there for cheap laughs. This works best in a serious book. You don't want your reader to feel sad after Jake's brother dies, right? Make them tell jokes for the next few pages and you're fine.

Also, make sure the villain is just some guy out to destroy things. He needs no motivation if he does cool things. Seriously, wasn't Destructo the mage cool in that one story I'm making up as I go along? He had absolutely no good reason to hate Jake, but who's going to care?

Don't make a coherent plot. Nobody wants to understand anything. Contradict yourself at least ten times.

End the story during the climax. Everyone loves that, right? Nobody's going to wonder about anything. They will just read your mind or something.

Alright, I'm done making a post about doing terrible things to readers. Goodbye.

Comments

This reminds me of some books I used to write back in 2015, they were so cliché - visitor

This reminds me of essay and It's SO BORING AND EVERYBODY IN MY CLASS HATES IT. - TerryThebestsoccerplayer