Do I relate?

CrimsonShark I guess It's been a year since I have been a member. I mean, I didn't know I would wind up becoming a favorite among the users of Gen-17. But what I'm most happy with is that I could find people whom I could talk to and interact with easily due to similar interests and nice personalities :).

So, about my post, I wanted to see if I have a case which could be relatable in a personal sense.

For starters, I have never faced any personal tragedy. That seems perfectly okay, although it doesn't really grow a person positively. Tragedy, in my opinion, is instrumental in developing a person's character, to further construct a viewpoint in life and most importantly to enforce the notion that life is valuable and every second does matter. I'm not saying tragedy is a good thing, but when you consider the impact that a life-shattering event would do to you, many people that do come out as seen as heroes, inspirations for the upcoming generation, an example of paramount and what a person should aspire to be. Even fictional media tends to cater on to the "Tragedy = Better Person" trope, such as Star Wars, Harry Potter and pretty much most Shounen Anime.

With that said, prominent users such as TwilightKitsune, bobbythebrony and MontyPython have gone through these occasions. This is also the reason why they are among the most popular users on the site. Due to going through such events, they have become better human beings who are able to understand what it means to feel like sh*t and have intentions to help people out. I won't dabble into their stories, but I think they deserve their recognition.

As for me, the closest I've gotten to were the deaths of a few relatives. My grandmother died in 2012, my aunt passed in 2014 and a great-uncle passed on 2016. I should have felt like I was breaking down, but I didn't. It was because I was in a different country when they died. My brothers didn't cry either, only my parents did. That's not to say I was close with those three (Which I actually was), but to be in an entirely different area really impacted how I felt. I did feel sad though.

Confession: I bullied my deceased aunt when I was a teen. And I did it all because she was paralyzed, unable to walk or talk properly. Looking back, I hate myself for doing it. You can hate me all you want in the comments or messages. Ironically, I spent my last moment with her rather positively, giving her some love. Although I've grown a lot from now, I've still got rooms for improvement. More ironically, during the time I bullied her, I was a school loner who had no friends and found myself bullied at points.

Socializing has been a pain. Considering I've moved schools about 3 times, I've never really finished an academic facility once, coupled with the fact that no one I know personally gets to remain in contact with me. Thus, I've never been friends with anyone for about 5 years. And most of the people I do meet happen to be those whom I feel are not compatible with me or are outright A-Holes. It doesn't help that I don't have any relatives in the city I live in, so my social area, for the most part, is restricted to just my parents and my brothers.

The worst thing about me is that with so much crammed into my head, I've become rather extremely different compared to almost everyone I meet, either be it at school, home or in a socializing facility. Some people do end up liking me for being open-minded and for being reasonable enough in my environment, even willing to help in a small occasion, but I do have a feeling that impressing someone like me will be extremely difficult compared to most people. I understand everyone being different with their own opinions and viewpoint in life, but in my case, its a lot more serious, personal and less materialistic. It sometimes keeps reminding me that I might not be the right fit for the society that I live in.

Oh, and I am Autistic. I'm not suicidal, unlike Disney1994, but I do feel like I have so much weight being thrown onto my shoulders. But the real kicker is how hardly anyone cared about my needs, let alone being an Autistic child until now. At least I have an identity, but it pisses me off that all I've been through is to be cattle for standardization (education) and for a workplace where I might not feel comfortable at all.

The final Question: Do I relate to anyone on this site?

Sorry for sounding emo or an attention wannabe if I did. That wasn't really my intention though. I thought it'd be fine if I could finally be personal about myself for once and express how crap I feel at times. Also, sorry about the mentioning about what I did to my aunt. I'm no longer a bully and I intend to keep it that way, or at least I hope so. And I do try to be a better person for the most part, which could hopefully make up for it.

Although I haven't been a victim of a tragedy, it doesn't mean that I should still stand up and fight for something. In fact, I've got a lot of things to fight for, but I'll leave it for now as I would do that for another blog post.

Hopefully, I don't offend. And thanks for reading.

Comments

Congratulations - visitor (6/5/2017)

Intresting, and sorry for your loss. I felt the same way about my family members when they passed, I was shocked but I've since gotten over it... I know I'll see them in the afterlife. - visitor (6/7/2017)

I'm sorry to hear about your grandma and aunt :( - TwilightKitsune (7/4/2017)

Relate or not, I can assure you that we can all relate. After all, we may not all have the same hardships, but we are all human and can sympathize with one another. And I'm quite sorry to hear all those hardships you've gone through in your life. But like you said, these hardships can sometimes make us better people. I applaud your inspirational post, CrimsonShark. - visitor (7/11/2017)

You don't relate to me a lot, but I always thought you were one of the better users of Gen-17 - NuMetalManiak (7/22/2017)

Being a member can be tough in, you know, contribution, reputation and socializing etc. I did my best to prove my worth so... - CrimsonShark (7/23/2017)