Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 9 - Face Freeze!

Guys, before I start on this rant, I have an embarrassing confession to make. I... actually used to like this episode. For some reason, I must have had a really bad sense of humor back when I was younger considering I actually found the hideous faces in this episode to be funny. However, now that I know the flaws of this episode, this episode has devolved into a guilty pleasure and eventually an episode that I now dislike. Face Freeze!, otherwise known as the episode brought to you by the writers of One Coarse Meal! Thanks a lot, Casey Alexander, Zeus Cervas, and Doug Lawrence! In addition, Face Freeze! just happens to be part of the gang of bad Modern SpongeBob episodes from Season 8. No surprise there. Welcome, happy people of TheTopTens. This is ModernSpongeBobSucks here, and today, we're here with the penultimate episode preceding the first season finale of the Cartoon Crapisodes Rant post series (yes, the first 10 episodes of this post series are all of Season 1 of the Cartoon Crapisodes Rant post series. I AM THE RULES). Now I want to try to get this over with as soon as possible so I can take a temporary break from this post series and resume my anime reviews and start Aniplex's August Lucky 7. However, that doesn't mean I'm simply going to rush through these last few rants of the first season. So without further ado, let's begin, shall we?

Now the episode Face Freeze! starts off with SpongeBob and Patrick eating lunch at the Krusty Krab. While in the middle of their lunch, SpongeBob drinks his beverage and then makes an odd relaxed face. Okay... Patrick finds the face to be "cool" and then takes a bite out of his Krabby Patty, where he then makes a hideous cute face. Uh... SpongeBob and Patrick continue to make these ugly faces until Mr. Krabs wakes up from hearing them laugh too loud. Mr. Krabs perceives this to be his money being flushed down the toilet (I don't think there were really any customers at the time when SpongeBob and Patrick were making faces) and comes out of his office to see SpongeBob and Patrick making faces. He tells them to stop and then tells them a story about a man whose face froze. The man, aka Fred Rechid (wow, not only is this episode bad, but now the show is too lazy to the point where they recycle background characters! Eh, they probably still did this in past episodes, so that's not really much of a problem), loved to constantly make faces. Of course, the faces he made were no better than the faces SpongeBob and Patrick made! I wouldn't be surprised if he starred as Mr. Clipboard in a Bikini Bottom version of Foodfight!! Anyways, out of all those faces, the one he would like to do the most was stick his tongue out at people. He kept on doing this until one day, he stuck his tongue out for the 444th time and it froze along with his face. Months passed by as he couldn't open his mouth, until eventually, the tongue shriveled and fell off for good. The story terrifies SpongeBob and Patrick, prompting them to promise to never make faces ever again. "!" Wait a second... That sounds almost like the episode Hooky... This episode completely recycles the formula of that episode... *face palms myself* OH, COME ON, WRITERS!!!

Next, the episode cuts to later in the day, where SpongeBob and Patrick are desperately trying to refrain themselves from making faces. Eventually, they give in and start laughing and making faces regardless of the warning Mr. Krabs gave them. And the faces look even more ugly than the ones from before! The writers were probably aiming for a "HAHAHA!!!", but instead, they got a "AHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Oh my gosh, I can't believe I used to think the faces that they made in that scene were funny! Guys, trust me, those faces were ugly as hell! Faces so ugly that they look like they came straight out of the movie Foodfight!! Faces so ugly that they make Clarence from Clarence no longer look like a walrus and more like a sexy pimp! Faces so ugly that they make Sugou Nobuyuki from Sword Art Online look like a young handsome teenager! Faces so ugly that I would sooner date Yubaba from Spirited Away than to even sit next to SpongeBob and Patrick making those faces! Faces so ugly that I could go on and on about how ugly those faces were! Getting back to the plot at hand, SpongeBob and Patrick find out that their faces didn't freeze and then they decide that Mr. Krabs' story about the face freeze wasn't true. So they decide to see if Mr. Krabs' story really was true by making a single face continuously, with SpongeBob making his face look like his pet snail Gary and Patrick making his face look like... an alligator version of Goofy? Wha-... With that said, SpongeBob and Patrick then go around Bikini Bottom scaring everyone with their hideous faces. Now don't call me Mr. Enter, but I just realized that that part sounds like a ripoff of the formula to the episode Pranks a Lot. SpongeBob and Patrick eventually reach Goo Lagoon, scaring everyone within their distance, where Sandy then finds them and tells them they need help.

Then, late at night, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen laughing at each other's faces in a tent behind SpongeBob's house. They make so much noise that Squidward can't sleep and prompts him to come and tell them to shut the hell up. Squidward is annoyed by them for awhile until he tells them that they can keep making faces if they will let him sleep in peace. SpongeBob and Patrick then come up with the idea to hold their faces while sleeping throughout the night. The next morning, their faces are both predictably frozen. Hey, I guess Mr. Krabs was right! Wow, like I saw that coming (sarcasm)! SpongeBob and Patrick panic at the realization of their new dilemma and then head to Sandy's home for help. Hey, I guess Sandy was right as well! Sandy attempts to "massage" their faces back into shape, only to end up making their faces look even worse, complete with their faces drooping down to their chins. Wanna know the worst part? Those new faces are so ugly that now they really do look like they came straight out of the movie Foodfight!! Despite this setback, SpongeBob still decides to go to work at the Krusty Krab, regardless of his worsened appearance of his frozen face. At the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob desperately tries to keep his frozen face hidden from Mr. Krabs while still trying to make Krabby Patties. He tries to buy time by lying to Mr. Krabs that someone dropped a penny. Squidward then gives SpongeBob an order of three Krabby Patties to make. SpongeBob then accidentally gets onion juice on his eyes and is told to serve the patties by Squidward since he's on break. He eventually makes it to the customer, where his lips then droop up on a customer's table and he starts drooling on the food! Am I even watching SpongeBob SquarePants right now?! That gag looks like something that would be used in a Sanjay & Craig episode! Anyways, SpongeBob goes back into the kitchen sobbing about his frozen face. Mr. Krabs eventually busts SpongeBob and sees his frozen face once Patrick comes into the Krusty Krab and reveals his frozen face as well. SpongeBob tries to defend himself by saying he and Patrick thought Mr. Krabs was telling a made-up story. Mr. Krabs becomes very frustrated and outraged by this so much that he claimed that his face would freeze up, to which his face then freezes. Squidward then comes into the kitchen and sees that SpongeBob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs all have frozen faces. Squidward laughs so hard at their frozen faces that he gets a frozen face too. The episode closes out with everyone but Squidward laughing at their frozen faces as Squidward is the only one left crying.

Alright, end of plot discussion. Now let's look at the pros! So th- (record scratches) WAIT! WHAT?! Pros?! Well, uh... at least the episode isn't mean-spirited in any sort of way. That said, I think only one con needs to be addressed and discussed in depth, because that one con itself is pretty much the core of why this episode is a complete mess. That, and the humor in this episode is just terrible. So what really makes this episode bad is the constant overload of distorted ugly faces! Now most people might argue that similarly ugly faces were used in Pre-Movie era episodes such as Just One Bite (Skodwarde) and Jellyfish Hunter (Moar Krabs). This leaves us with one question: What is it about faces like those that make them not as bad as the ones from Face Freeze!? Simple, faces from Pre-Movie era episodes including Skodwarde and Moar Krabs were only used once and not overly grotesque. And it's because that the grotesqueness of faces like Skodwarde and Moar Krabs weren't overly done that they were able to come off as funny! As for the faces from Face Freeze!, viewers watching the episode had to constantly view ugly faces throughout the entire episode, which were essentially too grotesque and disgusting that they failed to have a comedic appeal! That, and not only are ugly faces used in this episode, but they're also the main premise of this episode! The main premise of this episode! It's already bad enough that the faces were doomed to be appalling from the start, but it was even worse when they were destined to serve as the center of the entire plot! Out of all the comparisons I made in this entire post, I can only end off this rant by saying that the closest thing I would compare Face Freeze! to would be, of course, Foodfight!! That's right! Face Freeze! is the Foodfight! of SpongeBob SquarePants! Wanna know something? These two things made their first debuts in the same year of 2012, with Face Freeze! airing about a month after Foodfight!. In other words, I actually have a feeling that Face Freeze!'s ugly faces were inspired by Foodfight!! Either way, this episode was just a complete visual nightmare! CASE CLOSED!

This may not be the worst SpongeBob SquarePants episode ever, but it surely is one of the most ugliest, if not, the ugliest SpongeBob SquarePants episode ever! So now here's my final score for this episode:

4.5 out of 10.0 stars

Next episode: Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 10 - The Clash of Triton

Thanks for requesting me to rant on this episode, Skullkid755.

Until then, peace!

Comments

Hehe, actually it's all good if you liked this episode back then because I, as well, liked some of the bad episodes when I was younger, until I developed some and realized their flaws. - visitor (8/9/2016)

Yeah, that pretty much describes me as well too, Mcgillacuddy. - visitor (8/9/2016)

Good rant, I use to like a lot of shows hated by this website, now I mostly watch YouTube or play a game on something. Nintendo & Nostalgia Critic both > Face Freeze. - Skullkid755 (8/9/2016)

I liked Nostalgia Critic's rant on Foodfight!. Same goes for JonTron. - visitor (8/9/2016)

I saw the rant yesterday. Foodfight is terrible, but I do enjoy watching some stupid movies since I can laugh at how stupid they are. If you're looking for a movie to laugh at how stupid it is, watch any movie on the syfy channel. What's up with Mr. Clean being in the movie, he didn't even do much during the film, he was just introduced for a quick joke and then doesn't do anything. - Skullkid755 (8/9/2016)

NC: To all those critics foolish enough to think they can review Foodfight, I won't lie to you about your chances. You have my sympathies. It will not leave you the same way it found you. Its scars run deep. If there is anyone damn sane enough to try and take on this film, all I have to say is...be strong. Be brave. (grave whisper) Bewaaare! - visitor (8/9/2016)

Beward of the movie foodfight! - Skullkid755 (8/10/2016)

Do a Puellla Magi Review - TwilightKitsune (8/10/2016)

Don't worry, I already stated on my profile page that it's going to be part of the Aniplex's August Lucky 7 of anime reviews. - visitor (8/10/2016)

I used to like this episode too 😂 But not anymore. This is one of the finest examples of a gross out episode. There's no plot AT ALL and feels like a ripoff of Hooky. The entire episode is just Spongebob and Patrick making silly faces all day (they're all creepy, especially Krabs' face). Here's what makes the episode worse: I can't get grossed out by it. That's because I watched Family Guy's "Fresh Heir" and "Herpe the Love Sore" so I can't get grossed out by these episodes. So if you don't get grossed out by it or find it funny, the episode is BORING. - DCfnaf (11/21/2016)