Ranking the Billboard Hot 100's Top 20: 04/03/2018

StarlightSpanks Rap music is really getting on my nerves.

Yeah, Chris Brown's back. Out of all his hits, I've only heard a feature that he was in and "Party". I'm gonna start looking back into his old music soon, and his new song with you-know-who tells me that Chris Brown is the opposite of decent.

While Gummo is spending its last week on the Hot 100 (20 weeks, YAY!), that doesn't improve my mood that much to be honest.

SCRUB TIER (0/10):
20. Freaky Friday by Lil Dicky ft. Chris Brown
Alright, so the main reason I hate this piece of trash is because of the lack of effort put into it. I get that it's meant to be comedy rap but seriously, what are these lyrics?

"I just facetimed Kanye"
"Ohh, I can sing so well"
"Wonder if I can say the n-word"

*repeats the n-word 11 times*

And those lyrics are from LIL DICKY, not Chris Brown.
1) The point of this...
2) No, you can't sing. You sound like an autotuned mouse.
3) The point of this... [2]

And this dude chose Chris Brown to "switch bodies" with. Cool.

19. Meant To Be by Bebe Rexha ft. FGL
What happened to these 2 with a collab? Can this song die out and never hit #1 please? I'm still not a fan of God's Plan, but I'd rather have it #1 for 16 weeks rather than to have country music that's worse than BLABB get popular again.

18. Look Alive by BlocBoy JB ft. Drake
First of all, it's a pretty bland song with the classic meaning of having all the money. OK, not just that, but why does Drake sound as autotuned as Quavo sometimes sound, or even Jacob Sartorius?

BLEACH TIER (1/10)
17. Perfect by Ed Sheeran
To this date, STILL AS OVERPLAYED AS HECK ON MY RADIO STATION, STILL GENERIC AND BORING, and worst of all, still in the Top 5. Why did this have to stay and not Havana or even New Rules?

TERRIBLE TIER (2/10):
16. Sad! by XXXTENTACION
Most of you who've seen my profile before know how much I loathe "Look At Me!", except I didn't see this guy as an attention seeker or anything back then. Then he came out with "Jocelyn Flores" and the rest of "17", and while I did like Jocelyn Flores AT FIRST, I then realized the truth about this guy. He is an attention seeker. Period. Listened to this right after finding out the truth about X, and literally NOTHING makes this better than Jocelyn Flores, which is already godawful. This lacks effort while in Jocelyn Flores there was at least SOME effort put into it, and it has stupid lines like "Suicide if you ever try to let go". The vocals prove my point. The only thing that makes this better than a partnership with Look Alive is that it's in the key of C Minor (a key which I have a strong liking towards for pretty much all songs in this key)

WHY DO PEOPLE EVEN GIVE THIS ATTENTION-SEEKER HIS FIRST TOP 10 HIT?!

15. Stir Fry by Migos
Bland, generic, and this song is about these dudes bragging about their "success". Or in other words, it's about the same thing as I'm The One. Thank god I never hear it on the radio.

14. Mine by Bazzi
Well, what do you know? THE MESS I REVIEWED LAST MONTH IS NOW ABOUT TO HIT THE TOP 10! Godawful lyrics, don't know why it's close to Top 10 at all.

13. Walk It Talk It by Migos
Pretty much the same explanation as Stir Fry. Except all I hear is "WALK IT TALK IT" 16 times in a row. Smh.

12. Plug Walk by Rich The Kid
I guess the beat is well... close to decent? This guy talks about drugs, why is he even in the Top 20 anyways.

BAD TIER (3/10):
11. Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello
Those vocals are C-R-E-E-P-Y, and what's the point of this hit?

" This song I wrote about when I fell for somebody and I knew that it would be really hard to recover, but I knew that I’d do it again if I could." - Genius.com

Meaning the lyrics are NOT the greatest thing ever (although better than the majority of hits today).

Then again, this took about an hour to write, so I'm not all that surprised.

10. Ric Flair Drip by 21 Savage, Offset, Metro Boomin
That beat's cool, but that's all the good stuff about it.

PASSABLE TIER (4/10):
9. The Middle by Zedd, Maren Morris, and Grey
OK, yes this did grow on me but still won't be close to decent.
It's literally a rehash of Stay except instead of that great vocalist Alessia Cara, you put Maren Morris here, who is a mediore vocalist. And I can barely hear the drop in the chorus.

MEH TIER (5/10):
8. God's Plan by Drake
This grew on me too, and mainly because I found out that the purpose of the song wasn't so bad.

7. Let You Down by NF
Depressing in the sort-of-the-correct way.

DECENT TIER (6/10):
6. Psycho by Post Malone ft. Ty Dolla $ign
Yeah, Ik Post often raps about wealth, but even so I can't find anything bad here. It isn't anything special though. And Ty Dolla $ign is back after WFH...and he's actually decent for once.

5. All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar ft. SZA
Repeat of what I said in my last Top 20 review.

GOOD TIER (7/10):
none

GREAT TIER (8/10):
4. Havana by Camila Cabello ft. Young Thug
Still classic, still overplayed a ton in my area, REALLY NICE atmosphere.

AMAZING TIER (9/10):
3. New Rules by Dua Lipa
Or in other words, a song giving great advice on breakups. It's also got a decent background and decent flow.

FANTASTIC TIER (10/10):
2. Finesse by Bruno Mars ft. Cardi B
While I hate Barter Cardi and don't like Cardi B in general, she SLAYS it here. Bruno takes over with the same late-20th-century style that he uses in his previous songs. And while I'm still not a fan of the lyrics and meaning in general, the final product is amazing so here it is.

1. Pray For Me by The Weeknd & Kendrick Lamar
Pretty much everything here is perfect... the intro, the dark beat, the vocals, both artists here, and most importantly a perfect chorus. Why did Freaky Friday have to push this away from the top 10?

This is StarlightSpanks, signing out.

Comments

Couldn't do a total score on the original post due to my "Save" button being broken for some reason, so...

Total Score: 80/200, or 40%. Getting real annoyed with this rap apocalypse, and sadly, we have rap music getting big in MANY OTHER COUNTRIES. Seriously, "Freaky Friday" just hit #1 in the UK, replacing "These Days" by Rudimental which was actual quality. - StarlightSpanks (4/7/2018)

Move "Plug Walk" to the PASSABLE TIER (also the former MEH TIER which was 4/10) and move "Ric Flair Drip" and "Stir Fry" to the DECENT TIER, bringing the score up to 44.5%, or 89/200. - StarlightSpanks (5/18/2018)

re-ranked yet again
Atrocious Tier:
20. The day where being Chris Brown is cooler than being Ed Sheeran
19. I'm SAD! so it is my moral duty to guilt trip my gf's into not leaving me!
Horrible Tier:
18. Meant To Be(be)
17. Camila's vocal range will never be the same
Bad Tier:
16. Walkie-Talkie
15. Mine
14. da middle
Meh Tier:
13. I'm sorry that I let you down, mr. chipmunk
12. Plug Walk (don't remember any of it except the beat and couldn't care less)
11. lil mama bad like michael
10. wedding song
9. god's planz
Decent Tier:
none
Good Tier:
8. 901 shelby drive
7. Stir Fry
Great Tier:
6. jeffery
5. Ric Flair Drip go woo
4. All The SZA
3. don't start now prelude
2. rip chadwick boseman
1. ended cardio

On one hand, having Freaky Friday and SAD! in the top 20 together is a literal chart nuke, even for 2018.
On the other hand, 6 songs in the Great Tier.
Wow. That's noice.
49/100 if you're curious. - StarlightSpanks (1/21/2021)

Fun fact they actually had a lot of female singers trial to sing "The Middle" and Maren Morris was who they chose. - CactusSprinkles (1/21/2021)

I don't think Maren Morris is the biggest problem of the song anymore but she sounds like a young teenage girl here
And coming from someone who doesn't listen to Carly Rae Jepsen, I still can't believe Zedd chose Maren Morris over her - StarlightSpanks (1/21/2021)

Interesting you would mention that she sounds like a teenage girl because as someone who listens to Carly Rae Jepsen a lot she actually can sound a lot younger than her real age. - CactusSprinkles (1/22/2021)