Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 4 - Cephalopod Lodge

ModernSpongeBobSucks Just. Stop. With. All. The. Squidward. Torture. Porn. Episodes. If I had to choose what episode should be considered the worst Squidward torture porn episode ever made, it would have to be... this one. In fact, I would probably say it's perhaps worse than A Pal for Gary and second to One Coarse Meal as the worst SpongeBob SquarePants episode ever. Also, this aired in Season 6, which is unsurprisingly a terrible season of SpongeBob SquarePants. By the way, Zeus Cervas and Casey Alexander weren't involved in this episode. Apparently, two different writers named Luke Brookshier and Nate Cash wrote this episode along with Richard Pursel. Wow, and even that wasn't enough to save this episode from being an atrocious animation. Welcome, happy people of TheTopTens. This is ModernSpongeBobSucks here, and today, we're here with yet another Cartoon Crapisodes Rant post on yet another Squidward torture porn episode. Okay, enough said. Now let's get started.

So the episode Cephalopod Lodge starts at the Krusty Krab one day with SpongeBob seeing Squidward actually smiling (apparently, he does this on the third Wednesday of every month for some reason). This prompts SpongeBob (and his friend Patrick) to go spy on Squidward out of curiosity to find out why Squidward is so happy. Ay caramba... Just leave the poor guy alone. Please, why won't you do so, you two imbeciles?! Let him have some happiness in his life!

Anyways, the episode cuts to nighttime where Squidward is entering a lodge that is in the form of a pyramid with an eye (fun fact: it's the All-Seeing Eye, which means the Illuminati appears in this episode! So is Cephalopod Lodge Illuminati confirmed?!). SpongeBob and Patrick then easily sneak past the person patrolling outside the lodge for intruders named Roger and enter the lodge without a sweat (wow, such a bad guard! Who thought it was a good idea for that lazy mollusk to stand guard for the lodge?!). Next, Squidward is seen putting on a robe and hanging out with other members of the lodge, which just so happens to be named Cephalopod Lodge, the title of this episode. SpongeBob and Patrick then watch as Squidward and the other members of Cephalopod Lodge initiate a new member by having a moray eel electrocute him. Unfortunately, after the initiation takes place and the audience applauds, SpongeBob and Patrick also applaud as well and the members of Cephalopod Lodge are shocked by their presence. Due to non-Cephalopods not being allowed (wow, it's no wonder Squidward was so happy! Why did SpongeBob and Patrick have to go and ruin his life?!), Squidward is kicked out of Cephalopod Lodge. SpongeBob and Patrick then try to apologize and convince the member Roger to let Squidward back into the lodge. However, when Patrick then says it was technically Roger's fault (I hate to say this, but Patrick is actually right this time. If Roger had been more alert while looking out for any intruders, SpongeBob and Patrick would have never sneaked into the lodge in the first place, although if Squidward didn't say anything about SpongeBob and Patrick, they would have been the only ones kicked out and Squidward would have remained a member of Cephalopod Lodge, but still, come on, writers!), Roger then confirms that Squidward is banned from Cephalopod Lodge for life.

I can only sum up what happens in this episode with this quote said by Squidward himself in this episode: "The last thing in my life I really enjoyed. And SpongeBob ruined it, too."

I know that feel, bro. I ought to have SpongeBob and Patrick dry up in the sun in the same way they did at Sandy's tree dome in the episode Tea at the Treedome (and no, not the drying up scene from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, because that was really sad for me to watch as a child).

Moving on, SpongeBob and Patrick then decide to make it up to Squidward by having their own initiation, which involves kidnapping Squidward and forcing him against his will to have a jellyfish sting his tongue in order to pass. Of course, this doesn't help at all in any way whatsoever. In the next scene, we see Squidward at his house, where he finds a package at his door, believing it to be his Cephalopod Lodge uniform... when it actually turns out to be a chicken suit. SpongeBob and Patrick then appear and say that they have decided to start their own secret club named, "The Feather Friends". Wait a second... this sounds similar to Good Neighbors, a Season 4 episode, which just so happens to also involve a club and is also a bad SpongeBob episode as well. Back to the topic at hand, Squidward is dissatisfied with The Feather Friends Club and wants to go back to being a member of Cephalopod Lodge. Luckily, SpongeBob and Patrick come up with an idea to dress up as a giant albino eel using a large sock to scare the members of Cephalopod Lodge and have Squidward "save" the members so that they may allow him back into Cephalopod Lodge. Squidward doubts this will work since he believes no one would actually believe SpongeBob and Patrick are a giant albino eel. However, he is proven wrong when the members of Cephalopod Lodge are shown actually scared by SpongeBob and Patrick in their disguise. Squidward then goes along with the plan and punches the large sock SpongeBob and Patrick are in twice and SpongeBob and Patrick pretend to faint. The members of Cephalopod Lodge then enroll Squidward back into their secret club... when SpongeBob and Patrick betray him by coming out of their disguise and cheering again like they did when they first showed up at the lodge. Squidward is then once again kicked out of Cephalopod Lodge along with SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob and Patrick then proceed to perform their initiation on Squidward again by Patrick using a jellyfish to sting Squidward's tongue... again. Then the episode blacks out and ends there.

Now here's the word I would use to describe what SpongeBob and Patrick did when they betrayed Squidward in their plan as said by American comedian Gabriel Iglesias: "Traitor!"

That said, this episode basically makes the writers look like they're trying to make sure Squidward has no moment of happiness in his life. Not to mention this episode was featured as an episode in an iTunes album named "Glumly Squidward"... SEE?! That just goes to show you that the writers foolishly think torturing Squidward creates humor! No, it does not! It creates sympathy for our poor squid! Okay, so the first thing I have to rant on is about how this episode combines THREE of the worst elements on the entire show! That's right, not only is this a Squidward torture porn episode, but this is also a Patrick's a Prick episode AND a SpongeBob's a Prick episode! Yup, we got ourselves a Triple-Decker mean-spirited episode of SpongeBob SquarePants! Secondly, so much stupidity goes on in this episode! Whether it be SpongeBob and Patrick not acknowledging that they were actually one of the main causes of Squidward being kicked out of Cephalopod Lodge and Roger not acknowledging he was also a main cause due to him not being a good guard, all the stupidity in this episode could only work up to leading to Squidward's misery! Finally, like with other bad SpongeBob episodes such as A Pal for Gary and One Coarse Meal, the ending really sucked balls... like, REALLY HARD! I mean, it was basically déjà vu when SpongeBob and Patrick caused Squidward to be kicked out of Cephalopod Lodge and had his tongue stung by a jellyfish again just like earlier in the episode! Just what, writers of SpongeBob SquarePants?! *passes out from ranting too much*


Phew, sorry about that! Anyways, here is my final score for this episode:

0.0 out of 10.0 stars

Next episode: Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 5 - Dear Vikings

P. S. I think there's a similar episode from Johnny Bravo called Lodge Brother Johnny that is much better and funnier than this episode. I recommend watching that episode instead of Cephalopod Lodge.

Until then, peace!


Good, and glad your username is actually going with your content. - Skullkid755

Thanks, but maybe after I get through the 5th episode of this post series, I might catch up on making some more anime reviews. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Actually, l'm gonna resume anime reviews after doing 10 episodes of this post series. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Great post. Luke Brookshier and Nate Cash deserve no happiness in their lives for doing this to Squidward - TwilightKitsune

Next do reviews on Teen Titans Go - Mcgillacuddy

I stopped watching Teen Titans Go! a long time ago, but I'm gonna try to find an episode that I watched that I can rant on. However, that will have to wait until I do 10 rant posts on bad SpongeBob episodes and 10 anime review posts. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Rant on the episode titled "Don't care what episode you rant about, all of them suck anyway." - Skullkid755

Can you please do Are You Happy Now? That episode BLOWS. Another sadistic SquidWard torture episode with no self-awareness to SpongeBob's complete incompetence that makes me want to get Mr. Bigger Boots from the movie and dry him up completely. To make matters worse, it is inspired by the creepypasta climax of all SquidWard torture: Squidward's Suicide. (DO NOT LOOK UP IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH/MIND LIKE ME)

The fact that AYHN took inspiration from that tryhard turd is despicable. - WonkeyDude98

Sure thing, Andrew! I'll do that after I do the 5th episode of this post series. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Thanks. - WonkeyDude98

I think the episode should be called "Cephalopod Log_into_the_Nickelodeon_computers_and_shut_them_down_so_they_don't_make_any_more_episodes.
I just used underscores for spaces to make it look kind of like the original title while also being able to be read. - Skullkid755

I like these reviews. They are all pretty well made. - Martinglez

Why, thank you very much. I appreciate the compliment. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

One of the worst Squidward Torture Porns. I think Boating Buddies is much more annoying but this and Good Neighbors also suck. However, I have to disagree with saying that this episode is worse than A Pal For Gary. This was just a Squidward Torture Porn, while the other one was a character assassination (Spongebob becoming a jerk) - DCfnaf