Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 5 - Dear Vikings

ModernSpongeBobSucks I think I have established myself as TheTopTens version of TheMysteriousMrEnter by now (no need to fret. I understand if you hate him. Everyone has their own opinions.). That said, let's take a look at the episode Dear Vikings. I wouldn't really say that it's as bad as on the level of One Coarse Meal or A Pal for Gary, but I think it's safe to say that this episode... was just pathetically unfunny! Do the writers think we're mongrels to even crack a laugh at such an excruciatingly boring episode of SpongeBob SquarePants?! Speaking of the writers, the people who wrote this episode were Aaron Springer and Dani Michaeli. I am quite disappointed in Aaron Springer, because that guy not only wrote good episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants such as Band Geeks and Pizza Delivery, but he also worked on other good cartoons such as Dexter's Laboratory and Samurai Jack. Come on, I know he's a good writer, but I don't think this episode would be considered the best of him. As for Dani Michaeli, he's much worse. That guy may have wrote an episode for Batman: Brave and the Bold and wrote 7 episodes for South Park, but he's also written episodes for The High Fructose Adventures of Annoying Orange, Sanjay and Craig, and Breadwinners. Seriously, what is up with the writers of SpongeBob SquarePants who wrote in the Post-Movie era? Welcome, happy people of TheTopTens. This is ModernSpongeBobSucks here, and we're here again with another bad Modern SpongeBob SquarePants episode. So Dear Vikings is a Season 6 episode, which automatically tells you right there that it's guaranteed to be horrible in one way or another. Alright, let's just cover the plot first and then what I have to rant about this episode.

Dear Vikings begins with Mr. Krabs coming up with a "promotion" to sell Regular, Large, and Viking Sized Drinks at the Krusty Krab (which are actually all the same size) in order to save money while still tricking customers into paying more money for the same-sized drinks. He also plans to give away a cheap cardboard Viking hat that he found in his attic to customers who purchase a Viking Sized Drink (which is unsurprisingly unappealing in appearance as it looks damaged and bent-up and has tape scattered all over it) in another attempt to gain money. Seeing the cardboard Viking hat, this gets SpongeBob interested in learning about Vikings (uh, dude, what about Bubble Buddy?! Hinga-dinga-durgin?! Give me a break, writers of SpongeBob SquarePants!). Squidward then "teaches" him about Vikings, although all the stuff he teaches him about Vikings are made up. Eventually, Squidward gets irritated by SpongeBob and asks him to ask the Vikings themselves if he wants to learn more about them. SpongeBob takes this seriously and then writes and sends a letter to the Vikings. Well, this might seem interesting...

Meanwhile, a mailman is sorting letters until he comes across SpongeBob's letter and finds it as ridiculous as a letter to Santa Claus and throws it away in a trash can. A garbageman then stumbles along the letter and reveals himself to be a Viking as he goes on quite an incredible trek to deliver the letter to the Viking Chief (I'll be honest, this is one of the only few parts that I liked about this episode). The Viking Chief initially rejects the Viking who delivered the letter, but then reads the letter himself and decides to send his men to go to the Krusty Krab to teach SpongeBob about Vikings. When the Vikings do arrive at the Krusty Krab, they teach and demonstrate SpongeBob that they "redecorate", "appropriate", and "liberate", when in reality, they're really just wrecking the Krusty Krab and kidnapping SpongeBob and Squidward.

The episode then cuts to them on the Vikings' ship where the Vikings then introduce themselves. All of them are apparently named Olaf until one of them reveals himself to be named Gordon. SpongeBob then asks the Vikings what they do for fun, prompting one of the Vikings to demonstrate that they just throw shields as a hobby. Another one of the Vikings attempts to say that they also sing for fun, which results in the other Vikings saying they don't sing and punishing the Viking by catapulting him off the ship. The Vikings then appoint SpongeBob as the head chef and Squidward as the bathroom attendant. Of course, Squidward is dissatisfied with this and wishes to leave the ship. He does get his wish... by being tied to a catapult and about to be sent flying off the ship. SpongeBob then tries to save Squidward and is challenged to a fight, but when he is given a weapon to fight with, he is too weak to lift it. The fight is interrupted when the Vikings' ship hits an iceberg. The Vikings panic as they cower in fear that their ship will leak and sink. SpongeBob then comes up with an idea to save the Vikings. SpongeBob then frees Squidward and attempts to catapult himself into the hole where the ship is sinking in order to stop it from leaking. The attempt is successful and SpongeBob finishes off the episode by saying, "Now that's what I call a Viking-sized adventure!" Well, it isn't a Viking-sized adventure in my opinion...

Alright, with the plot discussion having been said and done, let's cut to the chase of this rant. First, this episode isn't really that bad since it isn't a Squidward torture porn episode or a SpongeBob's a Prick episode (let's just be glad Patrick wasn't here to make things worse). Second and lastly, like I said earlier, the part where the Viking goes to deliver the letter to the Viking Chief was a bit enjoyable (although, I'm pretty sure that's not enough to save this episode from being hated). With those two positives aside, let's dig right into the negatives. First of all, let me say this again: why does SpongeBob want to learn about Vikings even though he already knew about them since Bubble Buddy?! The only logical reason for that is probably because there is a lack of continuity in the series, but that's it! Second, the comedy in this episode felt like the writers were trying too hard to be funny! I mean, name one joke other than the one where all but one of the Vikings are named Olaf that was memorable... that's what I thought. And that joke isn't even funny once you see it over and over again! All the jokes in this episode aren't like previous ones from Pre-Movie era SpongeBob SquarePants episodes. For example, the line "Not when I shift into maximum overdrive!" by Plankton from Krusty Krab Training Video was so funny that it became an Internet meme! I'd be surprised if there was any Internet meme that came out of Dear Vikings! Finally, the ending was so rushed and abrupt! I mean, the whole point of this episode was that SpongeBob was supposed to learn about Vikings, and he barely learns anything major and intriguing about Vikings. Then, the episode screws itself up by forgetting about that whole premise and just throwing in the iceberg incident at the last minute! In addition, nothing else happens after that! Do SpongeBob and Squidward get sent back to the Krusty Krab or their houses? Do the Vikings promote them to better jobs? Heck, I would even beg for them to have a musical about what Vikings really are about just to fulfill the episode's purpose! Man, I learned more about ancient and historic legendary figures in Fate/Zero than I did about Vikings in this episode! Oh, and by the way, this episode got nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Short-format Animation! How is such a boring and forgettable episode worthy of receiving an award?! I'm glad Dear Vikings didn't win that award!

Without further ado, here is my final score for this episode:

5.5 out of 10.0 stars

Next episode: Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 6 - Are You Happy Now?

Until then, peace!


Good rant,i do not like modern spongebob - Nateawesomeness

I would like to make it clear now that while I don't like the writing by the writers in the Post-Movie era, I don't necessarily hate them as people. Some of them may be bad writers, but I'm pretty sure they're not bad people. Like I mentioned in this rant, Aaron Springer did write good episodes like Band Geeks and Pizza Delivery and worked on Dexter's Laboratory and Samurai Jack, so he's not entirely bad. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

The movies sucked - TwilightKitsune

Wait, you mean you hate the SpongeBob SquarePants movies? - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Are you sure you aren't talking about those long special episodes that disappoint and suck, cause I don't mind that you thought the very long episodes were movies, my dad was browsing the T.V. guide once and said "what's with all these sponge bob movies? " when they were the special episodes. - Skullkid755

Good rant, it was long, informative, detailed, and you are the Valve of modern sponge bob ranters, you take your time, and meet expectations. Valve is a game company by the way. - Skullkid755

This is actually one of my least favorite episodes in the series. It just felt so pointless and a waste of an episode. - Mcgillacuddy

When are you going to do One Coarse Meal? - visitor

I only didn't do One Coarse Meal so far since Turkeyasylum already did a rant post on it, but since you politely asked for me to rant on it myself. I think I'll rant on One Coarse Meal after I rant on Are You Happy Now? and Shuffleboarding. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

*I meant to put a comma after "myself" and before "I". - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Rant about face freeze! - Skullkid755

Sure, I'll do just that. I will have to put this post series on hold after 10 posts are done. Here's a list of episodes I'll rant on to complete the 10 total posts:
Episode 7 - Shuffleboarding
Episode 8 - One Coarse Meal
Episode 9 - Face Freeze!
Episode 10 - The Clash of Triton - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Okay, I think a pal for gary and one coarse meal are the most hated episodes on this website. - Skullkid755

I'm going to get a lot of flock for this, but I...honestly don't think it's that bad of an episode. (This is the moment where you boo me) Look it certainly wasn't a good episode. It's very boring. But compared to these other episodes which are just sickening, offensive, disgusting, or twisted, I just don't think this is as bad as other episodes like Squid Baby and To Love a Patty, if that makes any sense. - DCfnaf

I respect your opinion. - ModernSpongeBobSucks