Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 7 - Shuffleboarding

ModernSpongeBobSucks First thing I know, I see the title card of this episode saying "Shuffleboarding". Next thing I know, more than half the entire episode isn't even remotely about shuffleboarding. Alright, before I introduce myself once again, there are two things you should know: One, this episode was in season 6. Two, this episode was written by Luke Brookshier (come on, I know he at least wrote some good Post-Movie era episodes like Roller Cowards, but this episode definitely isn't one of them), Nate Cash (I'll give him some credit for writing Krusty Krushers, which is an episode that I liked, but that's pretty much all I can name for now), and Derek Iversen (but he wrote It's a SpongeBob Christmas!, so I don't think this episode should define him as a whole). Welcome, happy people of TheTopTens. This is ModernSpongeBobSucks here, and today, rather than ranting on the average (insert character name)'s a Prick episode mixed with Squidward torture porn, I'm going to be ranting on something a little different. This time, I'll be ranting on a bad episode involving where not only SpongeBob and Patrick are pricks, but Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are also tortured a little in this episode as well. If only one word can describe this episode, it would be the word "EVIL". "Wha? Evil! EEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!" - Mermaid Man from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Alright, moving on to the plot discussion!

The episode comes on air with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy typically watching TV at Shady Shoals, when SpongeBob and Patrick then appear out of nowhere and wake them up. Woken up, Mermaid Man thinks SpongeBob is a supervillain and attempts to retaliate by throwing his "Mermerang" at him. Barnacle Boy then tries to clear things up by explaining to Mermaid Man that it's just SpongeBob and Patrick and asking for SpongeBob and Patrick to give back the Mermerang. However, things don't go well for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy when SpongeBob and Patrick constantly throw the Mermerang at them to give it back, which results in chaos and eventually the two elder superheroes falling down into the Mermalair in a series of backbreaking and painful injuries that lands them in the hospital. SpongeBob and Patrick then go and visit Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their hospital beds, where they receive a call from the police commissioner that they have been scheduled to appear as celebrity guest contestants at the Bikini Bottom shuffleboarding competition. Of course, being that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are both crippled, they are unable to attend the shuffleboarding competition. SpongeBob and Patrick volunteer to substitute for them at the competition, claiming that they're certified impersonators of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy accept their offer and give them rings that give SpongeBob and Patrick rubber Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy costumes (of course, the costumes barely even look like the real Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. But hey, it's a kid's show. What did you expect?) Then, before SpongeBob and Patrick leave, they are told to immediately return the costumes after the competition is over.

SpongeBob and Patrick then go to compete at the shuffleboarding competition for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, until it is revealed that they actually won the shuffleboarding competion already, complete with two golden trophies in hand... SERIOUSLY?! If the episode didn't even show as much as a clip of people playing shuffleboarding, why even name it "Shuffleboarding" in the first place?! It's like the writers came up with the title at the last minute before airing this episode, probably because one of the writers thought, "Derpity derp da derp, what in the derp should I name this episode? Derpity derp da derp, light bulb! Derpity derp da derp, Shuffleboarding! Derpity derp da derp! I am such a derpin' bad writer! Derp da da derp derp! Derp derp!" That said, it seems the episode can't go on anymore since it seems the writers basically scrapped the whole shuffleboarding plot for good. Unfortunately, it seems the writers aren't just done yet... When SpongeBob and Patrick go back to return the costumes, Patrick suggests going to do something else while still wearing their costumes despite being told to report back to the hospital immediately. SpongeBob rightfully tries to tell Patrick this, only for Patrick to reply that they should act as Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in order to protect the town from evil. "Wha? Evil! EEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL!" - Mermaid Man from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Of course, SpongeBob being the gullible sponge he is, becomes easily persuaded by Patrick and goes along with Patrick's plan. Something tells me this is going to be like Hall Monitor, but not in a good way...

So SpongeBob and Patrick then start going around all of Bikini Bottom committing false arrest by arresting innocent citizens for the littlest of reasons that are in no way bad. By the way, how come the citizens don't notice the costumes are visually fake? Then again, it's probably just cartoon logic that prevents them from doing so. That said, let's take a look at what unfolds. First, they put a bunch of kids in jail for riding an electric sea horse just because they thought they were loitering. Next, when they're at the jail where the kids were put in, a sheriff comes up and throws away a Krabby Patty since he's too full to finish it. This upsets SpongeBob, prompting him to put the sheriff in the same jail cell as the kids were put in earlier. Then, the episode continues on with these shenanigans as SpongeBob and Patrick arrest all the people in Bikini Bottom, such as a man for chewing gum too loud (when they could have just told him to stop doing so), a man for having his shoes untied (when they could have just told him to tie his shoes or help him tie his shoes), and an elderly lady for simply being too old (when they could have just taken her to a retirement home rather than jail). They are just about to return the costumes when they then see Man Ray enter a laundromat, doing absolutely nothing wrong at all. Being that SpongeBob and Patrick are the two kelp-for-brains they are, they still follow Man Ray inside, who is just simply washing and drying his laundry with an elderly lady named Mable as his friend, and ambush him, provoking him to counterattack. Eventually, Man Ray loses by SpongeBob literally throwing his head into the dryer and shrinking it. Man Ray is thrown into jail for just being a retired villain, along with Mable as well just simply for being friends with him. Now that the jail is so full of people, it literally explodes and results in people falling from the sky. Then we see SpongeBob and Patrick finally return the costumes to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy then leave the hospital, being able to walk again. Unfortunately, they are met by all of the people SpongeBob and Patrick falsely arrested and are chased by them as the episode ends with SpongeBob and Patrick thinking they're fans.

Alright, now let's analyze the pros of this episode... ... ... ... ... nope, I don't think there are any pros here! Good, because that means I can just move on to the cons! Boo! You stink, writers! First of all, let me emphasize this again: why is the episode named "Shuffleboarding" if it isn't even remotely about shuffleboarding?! See, that's the thing. The episode's plot gets replaced with a more mean-spirited plot like how the movie Chicken Little had its plot change in the middle of the movie from being about Chicken Little trying to restore his reputation to being about an alien invasion (note: I actually like Chicken Little. Besides, at least it's a lot better than this episode). Second, this episode is just another dosage of SpongeBob and Patrick's complete and utter stupidity and lack of common sense, being that this episode is just another episode where one or more people are pricks! Third, Shuffleboarding can just be considered as the episode that introduced a new type of torture porn. We've all heard about Squidward torture porn episodes, Gary torture porn episodes, Plankton torture porn episodes, Sandy torture porn episodes, heck, even Mr. Krabs had at least one torture porn episode where he didn't even deserve the torture (and that episode is Pat No Pay, another bad SpongeBob SquarePants episode)! Now we have ourselves a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy torture porn episode. They had to suffer a lot in just two times in the entire episode! Actually, let's add in Man Ray as well. He also received undeserved torture in this episode as well. Fourth and finally, the ending is just nothing but scapegoat garbage and SpongeBob and Patrick never get punished for their misdeeds! Hey, does anyone have some invisible spray from Pranks a Lot that I can use to make SpongeBob and Patrick naked so that they can be humiliated again like they were at the end of Pranks a Lot? I'd REALLY love it if that happened to them again since they deserved so much punishment in this episode.

Dang, this episode is virtually irredeemable! So with this rant taken care of, here is my final score for this episode:

0.0 out of 10.0 stars

Next episode: Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 8 - One Coarse Meal

Until then, peace!


Good rant, didn't disappoint. - Skullkid755

Great rant! - ProPanda

Why, thank you very much. I was kind of feeling a bit lonely that no one was commenting that much. Oh well, I guess it takes time for people to comment, but I appreciate the compliment! Thanks! - ModernSpongeBobSucks

I don't comment very often, but I love this new series of yours.
And dude, you're the fastest user in terms of popularity, don't feel lonely, it makes me feel bad - ProPanda

Thanks. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Did anyone catch the Tsumugu Kinagase reference I made at the beginning of this rant? By the way, he's a character from an anime called Kill la Kill, which is really good (and of course, BETTER THAN THIS EPISODE! ). - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Great job šŸ‘ - 0744rose

Can I nominate this for the Nobel prze? - TwilightKitsune

O (āˆ© Ļ‰ āˆ©) o - TwilightKitsune

It would sound better when Downfall Hitler rants about it. - visitor

0 Out of 10 Stars? You Hate it That Much? - ChiefMudkip

I don't know about this was sorta funny, but SpongeBob acting like a five year old was annoying. 0 out of 10? Wow. - DCfnaf