Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 8 - One Coarse Meal

ModernSpongeBobSucks I was pretty hesitant about ranting on One Coarse Meal considering a popular user who we all know by the name of Turkeyasylum already did a rant post on this episode. However, after taking into account that the rant post was only about a paragraph long, I felt that I needed to do a much longer high-quality post since this episode deserves one with more criticism. Now before we get into my introduction once again, let's take a look at who wrote this episode again: Zeus Cervas, Casey Alexander, and Doug Lawrence... You may not believe it, but I did a little research and found out that these writers wrote on quite some great episodes of the show. Trust me, I even read that Zeus Cervas was an assistant storyboard artist for Band Geeks, which is considered by many fans of the show to be one of the best episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants! So how did the writers manage to decline after the first SpongeBob SquarePants movie? Speaking of which, since all of you are probably familiar with this notorious episode, you probably already know this aired in Season 7... NO EXPLANATION IS NEEDED... PERIOD. Welcome, happy people of TheTopTens. This is ModernSpongeBobSucks here, and today, now we'll be tackling what is considered by many to be the worst episode of SpongeBob SquarePants ever aired. Countless YouTube videos and comments on TheTopTens criticizing this episode have been spawned all over on the Internet, so now it's my turn to be another one of the many people to rant on this episode. So why do so many people hate this episode? Well, try keeping this one infamous line in the episode in your mind. You're going to hear it again in this rant, so pay attention. Mr. Krabs: Really? He's a mess! [laughs] SHALL... WE... BEGIN?

The episode begins with Mr. Krabs asleep in his money bath. Mr. Krabs then smells something burning. SpongeBob comes in and tells Mr. Krabs that the smell smells like Plankton with his new explosives, to which it turns out to be true as Plankton then explodes into the Krusty Krab while flying a glider (why, thanks a lot, Captain Obvious). SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs then try to ward off Plankton by shooting peas at him, where they successfully manage to shoot through Plankton's glider. Plankton counters this by blowing a bubble that deflects the peas as they deflect right off some frying pans, with one of them falling right down on SpongeBob. Plankton then fires a missile towards SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs as Mr. Krabs uses SpongeBob as a human shield to protect himself. Wow, so much for going as far as to sacrifice your best employee, you selfish crustacean! However, the missile then seems to fall to the ground as a dud, leaving Mr. Krabs laughing. However, Mr. Krabs' supposed victory is short-lived when Plankton then transforms the missile into a robotic arm that grabs SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs. Plankton attempts to get them to disclose the location of the Krabby Patty Secret Formula through tightening the robotic arm's grip and even using a feather to tickle them into doing so. Eventually, SpongeBob coughs up the location of the secret formula by saying it is hidden in Mr. Krabs' safe behind the painting in his office (way to go, SpongeDumb RetardPants). Suddenly, Plankton then smells something, to which SpongeBob replies that it's the smell of whale blubber. The smell of the whale blubber is revealed to be coming from Mr. Krabs' daughter Pearl. Plankton becomes frightened by Pearl, which leads to Mr. Krabs taking advantage of this and scaring Plankton as he goes into a freezer by accident and eventually leaves the Krusty Krab to get away from Pearl. Mr. Krabs thanks Pearl for scaring Plankton away and tries asking her to scare Plankton again, to which she denies since she doesn't like going to the Chum Bucket. Mr. Krabs then asks Pearl if he can borrow her dressers...

Meanwhile, back at the Chum Bucket, Plankton tells Karen about his fear of whales and how they ate his ancestors. Oh, and guess what? Karen doesn't feel sympathy for Plankton and then just tells him to take out the trash. You're not really doing much to help your own protozoan husband, you deadbeat, ignorant, careless cretin! Then, Mr. Krabs appears under the disguise of Pearl, using her dressers complete with a Pearl costume, in order to psychologically torture Plankton. He enters the Chum Bucket and scares Plankton by saying he wants his flesh. Plankton runs for dear life in order to get away from him and tries to tell Karen that Pearl is in his laboratory and has come to eat him alive. Karen tries to look for Pearl, but sees that she is nowhere to be found. Plankton then tries to tell Karen otherwise, but being the scumbag Karen is, she goes away from Plankton and completely ignores him while he goes into "16 Paranoia-Filled Days Later...". In those 16 days, Plankton has a nightmare about Pearl chasing him and then eating him and his cousins, topped off with having a bizarre appearance due to his paranoia. HE LITERALLY WORE TISSUE BOXES FOR SHOES! TI-SSUE BO-XES!

Moving on, Plankton eventually can't take the paranoia anymore and decides to commit suicide by lying on the road waiting for a bus to run over him. SpongeBob sees this and asks Plankton why he's lying on the road, with Plankton replying back by saying he's trying to get run over, even going as far as to ask SpongeBob to step on him. SpongeBob then says this...

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Please remember that line, as it will be important for when I get into my rage quit for this episode... Anyways, SpongeBob then goes back to the Krusty Krab, where we can see that Mr. Krabs is acting like a sadist by erasing a drawing of Plankton on a piece of paper, clearly marking that Mr. Krabs has now entered villain territory. SpongeBob tells Mr. Krabs about Plankton lying on the road trying to kill himself, when Mr. Krabs then replies with perhaps one of his worst, if not, his WORST quote ever on the entire show...

Mr. Krabs: Really? He's a mess! [laughs]


Anyways, SpongeBob tries to tell Mr. Krabs that things have gone too far with his constant torture of Plankton, only for Mr. Krabs to reply that he is doing this due to SpongeBob having revealed the location of the secret formula. SpongeBob then agrees to set things straight. He starts by going to Plankton and telling him that the secret formula is not in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob also adds that Mr. Krabs has a secret fear of his own as well and that Pearl going around and scaring Plankton was all a ruse set up by Mr. Krabs disguising as her. Plankton is angered by this new information and SpongeBob then happily leaves as usual, while Plankton comes up with a plan to get back at Mr. Krabs.

In the next scene, Mr. Krabs is seen putting on his Pearl disguise when Plankton then shows up and tells Mr. Krabs that he knows all about the masquerade. AND Mr. Krabs' secret fear. Oh, this should be good... hehehe. Plankton then uses a robotic arm again to grip Mr. Krabs, as a mime is then shown, revealing Mr. Krabs' secret fear to be a fear of mimes. Mr. Krabs is clearly shown to be scared by this, with Plankton finally seeming to get his revenge on Mr. Krabs... until SpongeBob shows up and tells Plankton that a hungry pod of whales has shown up for their daily feeding. WHAT?! Oh, come on! So much for revenge... I always heard it was a dish best served cold... Plankton then runs away by taking out a random nail from the floor to go into a hole, where SpongeBob then corks it up. Finally, it turns out that the hungry pod of whales were just a simple projection from a projector as SpongeBob turns it off and frees Mr. Krabs from the robotic arm, with the episode ending as Mr. Krabs states that SpongeBob has redeemed himself, but is shown not to be as scared of mimes as before when the mime shows up again.


JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM, WRITERS?!?!?! YOU WANNA KNOW IF I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS EPISODE?! THEY TOOK THE ABSOLUTE HEIGHT TO THE AUDIENCE'S SPIRIT, THE VERY ESSENCE OF THE KID'S SOUL, AND THEY STOMPED IT INTO THE DIRT, SMACKED IT AROUND AND SMASHED IT! I'LL LOOK UP EVERY BAD EPISODE THEY'VE WRITTEN AND BASH ON THEM A MILLION TIMES OVER! SKULLKID755! Alright, enough with the Gurren Lagann parody. Back to the rant ASAP. What in the hell were the writers thinking when they made this episode? First off, let me just get the minor pros out of the way. The part with Plankton invading the Krusty Krab while flying a glider? Ha, FUGETABOUTIT! This episode deserves no mercy from me. So for the purpose of going over each con one by one, I'm going to split each one into different paragraphs.

First, it's pretty obvious by now that everyone knows that One Coarse Meal fits into the class of a Plankton torture porn episode. In addition, it fits into the class of the "more than one character is a prick episode". And boy, is this the worst of them all... We all know Plankton is supposed to be the villain of the show, but it's become a popular opinion at this point that Mr. Krabs has proven to be more antagonistic than Plankton himself after the first SpongeBob SquarePants movie. Yes, we all know Plankton attacked Mr. Krabs first, but all he wanted was just the secret formula, not to kill Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs method of responding to Plankton's attack goes far beyond the boundaries of his own character himself, to the point where it can be considered a hate crime. That's right. A HATE CRIME. Besides, Plankton has probably done worse things to the Krusty Krab in previous episodes than in this episode, so why of all things did the writers decide he needed a full-on torture porn treatment?! Cur- Ahem, excuse me. I need to calm down (alright, MSBS, remember your moral code. The writers are not bad people like Mr. Enter claims them to be. You are not Mr. Enter. You are not Mr. Enter. You. Are. Not. Mister. Enter.)

Second, the suicide reference. THE SUICIDE REFERENCE. It's the suicide reference itself where Plankton tries to get run over by a bus that makes people go, "This looks like something that came straight out of a Family Guy episode!" Now if you've seen some of my previous rant posts, you might recall me mentioning that there were two suicide jokes before from the show. One was from Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV and one was from Dunces and Dragons. And honestly, those suicide jokes are nowhere near as bad as the suicide reference in this episode. So what makes those two suicide jokes funny and not the suicide reference from One Coarse Meal? Simple, it's because of the situation that the jokes were put in. In Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy IV, the suicide joke came from when Squidward was accidentally shrunk by SpongeBob and he was taken to Patrick in order to figure out how to grow back, where Patrick simply just flips the M on SpongeBob's belt to W, prompting him to talk all about "wumbo" as Squidward makes a comment while being gripped by Patrick above the ground saying if a fall from his current height is enough to kill him. The thing is, that suicide joke was funny, because since the audience knows Squidward isn't the happiest person in Bikini Bottom and that he suggested he may die in his current condition since he's small and high in the air, along with the fact that we could infer he was bored with Patrick talking about "wumbo", that's what made the suicide joke FUNNY! The same thing goes for Dunces and Dragons, when a henchman attempted to kill himself with his spear (dude, you ain't Lancer from Fate/Stay Night), but didn't have the guts to do it and says he will kill himself someday but not today. Pretty much, that suicide joke came off as funny as well, since the audience can infer that the henchman doesn't like his job and is bored with it to the point that he wants to commit suicide. As for One Coarse Meal, the suicide reference only came off as dark and mean-spirited, because the audience knows about how much psychological torture and paranoia Plankton went through, which is why the audience feels sympathy for Plankton, who is supposed to be the main villain of the show, instead. Which brings me into another point...

Third, Mr. Krabs' cheapskate qualities may not be shown much in this episode, but his rivalry with Plankton in this episode was increased to the point where it's no longer a simple business competition, but rather, pure sadism meaning harm towards another person. You see, in this episode, Mr. Krabs doesn't just want to keep Plankton away from his secret formula, he actually wants Plankton to die! And by Mr. Krabs wanting Plankton to die, this isn't the kind of death wish where a character shouts, "—Here I come. Take this attack as your farewell gift...!" This is the kind of death wish where a character just wants to straight out make sure that not only his opponent will never get back up again, but also wants to make his opponent's life a living hell. By the way, wasn't Mr. Krabs just pulling a Boating Buddies on Plankton by stalking him in his Pearl disguise? Not to mention that on the SpongeBob wiki, it mentions that Mr. Krabs has crossed the "Moral Event Horizon" in this episode, meaning that he has committed an action so vile that the audience no longer feels sympathy for him and that he is far beyond redemption for his villainy... HOLD ON! HOLD ON! Eugene H. Krabs... deserves sympathy?!?!?! I'm sorry, but he absolutely deserves none of it, even if he was being squeezed to death from Plankton's robotic arm, because that pretty much serves him right considering that he would be the one to use his own loyal (and only loyal) employee as a human shield from an incoming missile! Then again, the rest of the characters probably aren't any better than Mr. Krabs...

Fourth, SpongeBob and Karen? They're just nothing but a bunch of jackasses. Put simply, here's the pattern of how SpongeBob acted in this episode: SpongeBob sides with Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob then sides with Plankton, but then he sides back with Mr. Krabs and betrays Plankton... Little traitor!

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Good nature, my ass, you hypocritical invertebrate! In the words of Gilgamesh from Fate/Stay Night, who gave you permission to talk to him like a goody two-shoes, mongrel?! You're no better than your own boss, Sponge! You are a hateful piece of kitchen cleaning equipment! But I shall have mercy on you, as Karen is just as hateful as you...

Hey, Karen, heard about that episode Karen 2.0 where Plankton replaces you with another W.I.F.E. named Karen 2? Never thought I'd be glad I saw your tears in that episode since you deserved to cry for not helping your own husband Plankton in this episode! Even when the poor protozoan was at his breaking point in his paranoia-filled depression, Karen just thinks little of it and blahs out his crying distress for help!

Come on, help your own love, Karen! You know, can you at least be a little something like:

I wanna always be with you
I wanna hold you tight right now
I swear I will wipe your tears
I'll give you everything I have

Oh, forget it! The whole Crossing Field song from Sword Art Online is probably not going to calm my freaking bitter hatred of how unlikable every character excluding Plankton was in this episode! Does anyone know where I can tame a Gleam Eyes? So I can have him smash Karen bit by bit! Molecule by molecule! And atom by atom! And have him slice and dice the hell out of SpongeBob! Alright, I'm getting off topic here. Moving on to the final con!

Fifth and finally, the plot is just a complete mess. Never mind the whole lack of continuity this show has, since we all know Plankton isn't normally scared of whales and that his fear was only meant exclusively for this episode. What really makes the plot of this episode terrible is how it's set up. Essentially, the writers seem to favor Mr. Krabs and want him to win regardless of the fact that Mr. Krabs displays villainous qualities in this episode by driving Plankton to suicide. Oh, they're really pushing it for me with the most top-notch "the bad guy gets away with everything and the good guy has to suffer" acts! Like that'll make the King Krabs greater than the Puny Plankton! For me, it's more like the Prevailing Plankton that is greater than the Klutz Krabs! Yup, that fits just about right! Who's with me? In addition, the ending was completely unfair and just so undeserving (yes, life's not fair, but this is a show we're talking about here). Come on, Plankton deserved to have his dish of revenge served against Mr. Krabs! Only for SpongeBob to burn that dish with his betrayal and just brushing it off like he did nothing wrong! Also, since SpongeBob used a projector to project whales to scare away Plankton, couldn't he have just used it to guard the Krusty Krab this whole time instead of letting Mr. Krabs be the Kirei Kotomine of SpongeBob SquarePants?! Oh, and by the way, the original title of this episode was supposed to be Plankton Got Served. Really?! Do the writers really hate Plankton that much that they don't care if he got so much undeserved torture in this episode?!

*Sighs* What else needs to be said about this episode? There's pretty much nothing else I can go over since I went over a lot of points as to why it's so bad. The whole episode is structured around mercilessly torturing Plankton! The suicide reference is in no way funny or clever whatsoever! Mr. Krabs is basically Kirei Kotomine from Fate/Stay Night turned into a crab and made to be the main villain of the show worshiped as a good guy by the writers! SpongeBob and Karen are no better than Mr. Krabs himself and didn't even need to be there in the first place since they were so apathetic to Plankton's depression! And the plot was already destined to be atrocious! Beginning to end! Now before any of you defend this episode with arguments like "It's just a kids' show" or "I can relate to it", as for the latter, that doesn't really make this episode any better. As for the former, SpongeBob SquarePants isn't just a kids' show. We all know SpongeBob SquarePants is a show that appeals not just to kids, but also teenagers and adults as well. So the whole kids' show argument can just be dropped! This episode sucks balls! END. OF. STORY.

Never have I been so happy to give this episode the score that I believe it deserves! So here it is:

0.0 out of 10.0 stars

Next episode: Cartoon Crapisodes Rant: Episode 9 - Face Freeze!

Thanks for requesting me to rant on this episode, AggressiveBlaze.

However, before I sign out, let me get out that shiny bronze penny I asked for earlier...

Me: Hey, Krabs, I was walking the other day when I saw this nice-looking penny and picked it up. Would you like to have it?
Mr. Krabs: Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money!
Me: Think fast!
Mr. Krabs: [catches penny with his big meaty claws]
Me: Do you believe in magic? I heard about that magical wishing well you made and it made my wish come true!
Mr. Krabs: You'll never get me to believe in magic, never! Just to prove it to ya. [walks over to the well] I'll demonstrate. I wish... I was steamed and served with a side of melted butter. [lets go of the penny and laughs]
Me: Hehehe... he's a jackass.
Mr. Krabs: Well, where's your magic now? [vanishes in thin air and appears as a real crab on a plate] Oh, where am I? What's going on here? [ModernSpongeBobSucks sits down and puts on an eating bib that says "THE END" on it] Uh-oh. I do believe in magic. I do believe in magic. I do believe in magic. Oh-no!!
Waiter: Alright, here's your receipt, and that'll be over 9000 dollars.
Me: (brings out a gold bar) Hahaha! Bitch, please. Ah, crab meat tastes bests when magically summoned and screaming...

Until then, peace!


Good one, I came back today since it's my last day of vacation for a while. - Skullkid755

Phew, I think that's probably the longest rant I've ever done so far! I'm not sure if I could muster up something that long in a post ever again! - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Will the tenth one be The Original Frycook? - RalphBob

Nah, the 10th one will be The Clash of Triton. I initially didn't feel like ranting on The Original Frycook at first, but considering the flaws of the episode, I think it's eligible enough for me to rant on it. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Actually, sorry to tell you this, RalphBob, but I actually liked The Original Frycook, though I do admit Jim was a jerk. I won't rant on the episode since I like it myself, but you can rant on it yourself if you want. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

The ending was awesome. Save me some fried crab. - TwilightKitsune

Sure. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Can you split that crab three ways? Maybe have a side of starfish too? - DCfnaf

And save me a side of fried nudibranch (the species which Puffy Fluffy is) - BlueSheepYT

Maybe a rant on robot chicken sometime. - Skullkid755

I don't really know much about Robot Chicken. However, out of curiosity, I... actually watched Foodfight! out of curiosity to see how bad it was (and I did it on the night before my birthday so that I could watch Puella Magi Madoka Magica on my birthday instead of that crappy movie). And now that I have truly witnessed its awfulness, I think you can make your own Robot Chicken rant. For me, I'll do a Foodfight! rant sometime in the future. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Why do people hate that show anyways? (I never saw it, but my uncle likes it) - RalphBob

Yeah, but I've only seen a few episodes of it, I'll watch a few more before I do a rant. Also, 100 followers, delux post updates soon. - Skullkid755

Trust me, Foodfight! is so bad that when I was watching Nostalgia Critic's rant on it and my sister saw me watching it, she was so scared by the ugly appearance of the characters (I believe it was a trio of raisins that she saw that scared her. She even mistook them for poop pellets or something! ). - ModernSpongeBobSucks

What do you expect from a movie called food fight? Wait, Inside Out, Wreck It Ralph, yeah don't always judge a show by it's title. That animation though, it looks like the dude who made Bubsy 3D got animation software that didn't give seizures and thought that's all he had to do to make good animation. News flash, detail and lip syncing contribute! - Skullkid755

This is BY FAR my least favorite episode of SpongeBob (maaaybe tied with A Pal for Gary). Comedy relies on Plankton torture and suicide. Awful. Mr. Krabs is one of my least favorite characters just because of this piece of crap. Screw this episode! - DCfnaf

You said it, @DCfnaf! - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Just, screw Suicide Jokes, screw Torture Humor, Screw kids show cruelty, and screw every pissed scum that wrote the script of this episode. - DCfnaf

At least some of Mr. Krabs' greed was actually funny in the pre-movie episodes
For Example
"Krabby Land": Creates a bogus theme park and masquerades as a clown so he can collect children's' money. SpongeBob calls him cheap, and the children steal all his money after finding out. - BlueSheepYT

Mr. Krabs is just pure evil in this episode - Neonco31

Even if I can't stand this mess of an episode, I'd watch this over Family Guy's "Seahorse Seashell Party" any day of the week. - DCfnaf

Personally I think this episode is slightly worse than A Fart for Hairy. AP4G is mainly SpongeBob being a duck an animal abuser but One Horse Squeal is Kraby being a dick and the plot was too messed up for me.

I think I'd still take this over the chorus of Sahara by DJ Earrape. - AlphaQ

And I thought a pal for gary was bad - BoyGenius234

Not just Cartoon C@&$pisode, a total abomination - BorisRule

Best one out of all the Moderncrapepisodes reviews EVER! I do agree this episode is complete bullc**p and it ruined my childhood. I mean the whole episode basically focuses on Mrs.Krabs torturing poor plankton to death and nobody giving a d*mn cr** about him. I mean suicidal jokes are not funny at all. Hey, how about they make an episode where Plankton finally steals the cr*ppy patty formula and mr.krabs can rot in prison forever. - visitor

Why suicide in SpongeBob? My faith in the series would die with Plankton. - Ashes