Full-fledged List Analysis: Worst Christmas Gifts Ever

NuMetalManiak
Always have to get into a holiday spirit as early as possible, just so you don't have to wrestle with others spending their fortunes getting expensive gifts for their hubbies, nubbies, and bubbies. Oh, hello. We've got another list analysis to do. It's 7 days until Christmas. What are the worst gifts you could recieve in a week? Let's see, we have 113 items to find here.

1. Nothing: I'm gonna be frank, the more you get old, the less you want all sorts of things. You don't want to drain your or your parent's money to buy things, so maybe nothing really isn't that bad after all. If anything, you can say what you want for Christmas is to simply survive it.
2. The Obama Chia Pet Head: Probably irrelevant now, but this is a bad gift for an extreme rightist for sure.
3. Coal: The traditional bad gift. Actually, think about the poor miners who mine it looking for profit only for people to get it for Christmas instead.
4. A Dead Animal: That is disgusting to say the least. Smells awful and has no use. A Family Guy episode had Chris get one.
5. Self Help Books: "You all sound like chapters from a SELF - HELP BOOKLET!" - Kefka
6. Monkey Bobblehead: What's interesting about these things?
7. Pajama Jeans: No kid ever wants new clothes for Christmas, but if you outgrow your old ones, you might not be able to wear a whole lot the more you grow.
8. Justin Bieber CDs: Surprised that the Chia thing above was about Obama and not Justin Bieber.
9. The Snuggie: Can't you just wrap things around you instead of this? Also beware of the annoying static electricity you can get.
10. Socks: Some of us don't even wear socks.
11. Snakes: SERIOUSLY? It's a good thing my mom has a fear of snakes, so I don't have to worry about anyone getting anyone that.
12. The Re-Gifted Gift: So basically, you get a gift, don't use it, then one day your parents decided you actually want it next Christmas, so they take that unused gift from some unused shelf and rewrap it. Is that what this is?
13. Poop: Now that truly is a crap gift.
14. The Fruitcake: Christmas tradition always has you eating strange foods sometimes. Ham is great, but this and eggnog really don't get used anywhere else and are made to just be annoying sometimes. That's why Thanksgiving food is better.
15. Bubsy 3D: Hey at least it's SOME form of entertainment that is interactive. Meh.
16. Insects: I hate insects too.
17. Underwear: Owing to what I said for #7 for this one.
18. A Time Bomb: Worst thing to get for sure. Imagine having your house blown up the moment you have a gift.
19. Weapons: Maybe the idea of gun control wasn't bad after all.
20. A Boring Book: Only for those like me who really don't care to read a whole lot.
21. A Broken Computer: COMPLETELY USELESS. I agree.
22. Onions: When life gets you the thing that isn't lemons but is actually much worse.
23. The Holiday Sweater: The dumbest article of clothing one could possibly get.
24. A Piece Goldfish Food: What. Is this just like a singular Goldfish cracker? Is it supposed to be treasure?
25. Temporary Tattoo Kit: Go for permanent tattoos, please.
26. Justin Bieber Concert Tickets: You can at least give them to those who want it.
27. Foam Letters: Easily breakable and don't really do anything much. These are for babies, if you are older than they are you really don't need to receive them.
28. Microscope: Not bad unless you hate science or don't have any eyes.
29. A Swarm of Bees: Some awful parents would give these out.
30. A Lemon With an Smiley Face: You mean like the Wal-Mart logo?
31. A Singing/Dancing Christmas Tree: Singing/dancing animatronic crap only really appeals to easily-appealed old people, and doesn't even get used for any other situation outside of the holiday season. A waste of a gift.
32. A Cheap Watch: There's better ways of checking time.
33. iPhone 6: An iPhone can do a lot. Phone rivalries are dumb.
34. Fake Phones: Well this is something everyone can agree on.
35. A Broken TV: People, if you give a gift and they realize it's broken, they'll get mad at you.
36. The Singing Fish: Please read #31.
37. Justin Bieber Visits and Sings: How very specific. You realize though, he's got a busy schedule and can't cater to everyone who he assumes are his fans.
38. Chia Head Statue: Chia along with Snuggie are really annoying marketing campaigns.
39. Diaper: What's the deal with buying baby stuff for babies when you pretty much have to buy them diapers each and every day anyways? And no older person would want these.
40. Google Map Printouts: Just use Google Maps itself. Stop making your life so hard.
41. Rob Zombie's Halloween 2: I take it Rob Zombie is a better musician instead of a film director.
42. Acid: This can mean two things, LSD or actual corrosive and deadly acid. I wouldn't take either.
43. Dallas Cowboys Jersey: Who's a Cowboys hater around here?
44. Gift Wrapper: Yeah, get more wrapping paper. YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MORE OF THEM BEFORE CHRISTMAS SEASON STARTED.
45. Cereal: Gets used up, now what?
46. A Broken DS: Alright enough of the brokens. Anything broken shouldn't even be bought.
47. A Piece of Paper: One piece of paper won't make a big difference. Besides, school supplies should have been bought 3-4 months ago.
48. A Potato: Did you film this with a potato?
49. Fundies: What the heck? There's two definitions of this. One is about some lame underwear, the other, oh my god. Religious fundamentalists?
50. Xbox One: Console wars are as bad as phone wars. Be lucky you even get a console for Christmas.
51. Fake Money: Yep.
52. Little Girls' Stuff: Even bigger girls don't want this stuff.
53. Toilet Paper: What? You think you can't buy these things on a basis?
54. Ouija Board: I've never even seen one.
55. Tricycle: Only if you are too old for one.
56. Literal Green Eggs & Ham: I'd actually like to see it for myself, but not taste it.
57. A Dirty Toilet: Seriously?
58. Vomit: These shouldn't even be Christmas gift ideas in the first place.
59. A Box of Kitty Litter: These things are actually HEAVY, and not useful unless you have a cat, but then again, you should be getting these things when necessary, just like toilet paper.
60. Garbage: The TRASH MAN eats GARBAGE!
61. M&M's Kart Racing: Specific here. I've seen this game for myself, and who would have thought they make a cart racing game out of it. Truly a terrible game.
62. Toothpaste: It's not hard to get toothpaste in stores.
63. 1 Penny: Cheap parents.
64. One Direction CD: Pick one, Justin or 1D.
65. Worksheets: COME ON. During the holiday season, there's a winter break. I don't like it when teachers give out assignments like these (or the even worse summer assignments).
66. A Potty: We already saw this one.
67. One Direction Dolls: Probably aren't done well anyways.
68. Old Games: You can just emulate them.
69. Homework: I pretty much already said something about this four items above this one.
70. Superman 64: Ah yes, a bad N64 game. A rarity that actually sticks out like the sorest thumb.
71. PS4: Call the guy who put #50 on and tell them about this.
72. Justin Bieber Perfume: What.
73. An empty card: What's the point of this?
74. Princess Peach: Oh no don't tell me Mario fans are going to ruin this list too.
75. Barbie Dolls: Whatever.
76. Toilet Seat: Got the seat, where's the toilet?
77. Monster High Dolls: So this is the uglier version of Bratz or something?
78. A Paperclip: It better not be asking me things on a Word processor.
79. Jumper Cables: Maybe they are needed, in case you have to jump start your car.
80. The Teletubbies on DVD: Babies really don't need gifts to be honest.
81. A Baby Nappy: Um, ok.
82. A Baby Show on DVD: Didn't we already say that babies don't need these kinds of gifts? Unless you consider your bigger kid a baby. But that will make them hate you even more.
83. A Dead Body: The plot of Stand By Me was finding a mysterious dead body. I still don't see what's great about it.
84. A Severed Arm: Okay, we get it.
85. Someone Farting in Your Face: Exactly how will this be done? Someone needs to call police on such abusive gift-givers.
86. Rotten Eggs: I mean seriously.
87. The Shake Weight: Was this one of those As Seen on TV marketing things?
88. 5 Yen: That isn't even close to a single US cent.
89. An Xbox Game without an Xbox: Yeah, that's true.
90. A Wrecking Ball: Yes, tear down your poor house. Is this what you want for Christmas?
91. Batteries: Might actually be necessary for things. Unless you are talking about THAT kind of battery.
92. Pizza Rat: Um, okay then.
93. A Hippopotamus: Ha, someone other than myself hates that stupid song.
94. A Spork: Just steal one from your high school cafeteria or something.
95. Eggs: What kind?
96. A Feather: Some of these don't even qualify as actual gifts.
97. Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing: Yep.
98. A Ball of Dust: Which has no use.
99. An Onion: No thank you.
100. Stinkbugs: As I said, these really shouldn't qualify as gifts. Who would be interested?
101. A Pet Rattlesnake: They must be docile. Otherwise, they can kill you.
102. A Jar of Poison: Especially without a proper warning label.
103. A Low-Quality Ceiling Fan: No use.
104. Cow Poop: Enough.
105. A Jar of Urine: Seriously, enough.
106. Dora the Explorer Doll: How many older kids like Dora anyways?
107. The most embarrassing photo of you at a Christmas party: Now I would forever hate my parents if they did something like this.
108. Sonic the Hedgehog: Should've put (2006) at the end of the item if that's what you really meant.
109. A Burned Down House: Heck, I foreshadowed this item.
110. Spiders: That is a HUGE spider on that image. Again, what's fun about insects?
111. Holiday to North Korea: Giving conditions there, yep, terrible idea.
112. A Jar of Semen: You people are disgusting.
113. Used Condoms: You people are really disgusting.

Apart from gifts that really shouldn't be gifts, as well as other things, this is an okay list. What's the point of giving older kids baby stuff? They don't want that kind of thing.

Comments

Nice list analysis. And Merry Christmas to you as well. - ModernSpongeBobSucks

Coal is a good gift because coal = fossil fuel = valuable resource = money. So next time you get coal remember how rich you'll be. - TwilightKitsune

-what about those miners though. They would've struck it rich then. - NuMetalManiak

I know right? They should've kept the coal - TwilightKitsune

This post made me so merry - Skullkid755

This made me lol. - visitor

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