Worst Songs of All Time: "Summer Girls" by LFO

Spark_Of_Life
Hello. Spark here, and I’d like to talk to you a minute about 1999.

People certainly hold it in high esteem as one of the greatest year in pop culture history. How could you not with such great songs as “Smooth” by Santana ft. Rob Thomas, “Fly Away” by Lenny Kravitz, and “Scar Tissue” by Red Hot Chili Peppers? And it was the year I was born, so it holds a special place in my heart.

Well I’m here to tell you that whoever these people are who tell you 1999 was one of the best years for music have obviously forgotten “Summer Girls” by LFO, possibly the worst song, lyrically, of all time.

Let’s start off with the background music. It contains a generic guitar riff that repeats the same notes over and over. It sounds very similar to the guitar riffs used in many laid-back summer hits, such as “Bubbly” by Colbie Callait and “Lay Me Down” by The Dirty Heads (two great songs, by the way). There are also castanets, a low drum beat that sounds like the opening notes of “Rude Boy”, cymbals, tambourines, record scratches, and even a weird violin crescendo around the two-minute mark. Given how cluttered and messy it sounds, it would not be surprising to find out that the producers were actually working on four songs at once (A Caribbean rap, a hip-hop number, a country song, and classical music) , but dropped the file holding all the pages. Afraid of retribution, they grabbed six pages at random and lumped all the songs together, hoping for good sounds. They obviously failed.

Next, the feeling the song gives and LFO’s vocals. The song as a whole just has an air of grossness hanging around it. You can almost taste how insincere and sexist the number is. No one really cares how many “summer girls” the vocalists have had. This has been called the “f***boi’s anthem, which is a very good title, because the vocals here make 3OH!3 sound like gentlemen. But these boys were actually ahead of their time, as they can’t rap or sing, so they kinda stumble though the whole thing, sing-rapping much to a listener who likes good music’s horror. If you want a good example of sing-rapping, see Fetty Wap, a talented rising star in the rap business. For a horrible example, look no further than LFO.

And now, the moment you have all been waiting for, the lyrics. I could rant on and on about the gross, sex-obsessed lines with seemingly random ones thrown in for now apparent reason, but I’m just going to list the worst offenders here. So here they are, unaltered in any way:

New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits (UNLIKE YOU)
Chinese food makes me sick. (LIKE THIS SONG)


Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets (Do these guys even know what “sonnet” means?)
Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone (What?)

Dad took off when you were 4 years old
There was a good man named Paul Revere

(That doesn’t even rhyme!)

You love fun dip and cherry Coke,
I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke
When I met you I said my name was Rich
You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

(Well these are four completely random sentences thrown together)

Think about that summer and I bug, cause I miss it
Like the color purple, macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but what’s the use
I like Kevin Bacon, but I hate Footloose

(More random lyrics that make no sense)

I am not kidding when I say that these are the worst lyrics of all time. They make no sense and are completely out of place in a stupid narrative about a horny college student who has apparently had many girls over the summer. Were they even trying?

I did this review at the request of Swellow. I figured, since he wanted me to review it and post it on the “Worst Songs of All Time” list, it must be pretty bad. “But!” I thought, “It can’t be THAT bad right?” well let me tell you my expectations have been more than reached. It is sexist, creepy, stupid, and just all-around sounds cringey. It flies over my head how this is the 16th best selling song of all time, a there is almost nothing remotely enjoyable about listening to it. While not in my “Top 10 Worst Songs Ever” list, it is definitely in the top 15. LFO faded away pretty quickly after this was released, and it’s easy to see why.

Until next time.

Comments

Owch, I'm sorry you had to experience this overproduced convoluted ATROCITY. - WonkeyDude98

Honestly, I had to recommend it to you because it was just awful.
Great rant though, you should do more. - Swellow

This is terrible.
I'm sorry for you - ProPanda

None of the lines make any sense. They added random sentences for the sake of rhyme.
I'm sorry for you though - visitor

Ugh why did you do this to yourself. did your mother leave you when you were four years old? - ryansliao

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