Literature as told by a TopTenner: Lord of the Flies

Nonpointed Obvious parody summary as follows:

It is the middle of a war and a plane gets shot down. Two boys named Ralph and Piggy are on an island and find a conch.
Ralph: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH
Piggy: Ololololololololo
Ralph: *blows conch*
Piggy: Dude no.
Ralph: Dude yes, we need to find survivors here. Look at us.
Piggy: Are you gay or something?
*bunch of other boys show up*
Piggy: I guess you are
Ralph: Shut up, nerd. It was your idea to get things organized.
*the boys all look at Ralph*
Ralph: Ugh, I guess I'll lead then
Jack: NOT SO FAST, HRAW
Ralph: Who are you?
Jack: HRAW, MY NAME IS JACK MERRIDOO AND THESE ARE MY RITTRE CHOIR BOYS. I WISH TO NOT BE UNDER YOUR RIEGE
Ralph: Geez, okay fine.
(Ralph utters "creep" under his breath as Jack takes his choir boys and goes away)
Piggy: Uh, okay
Ralph: Pigs, these other ones think I'm the head honcho, which is nice. I think I'm gonna lay down some ground rules. 1. Have fun cause this whole place is essentially one big playground. 2. If you have too much fun you die so do so in moderation or something. 3. We need to keep a fire going because this place is gonna turn us insane sooner or later. 4. We are gonna be democratic...
Piggy: Can I interrupt? How do you know what democracy is.
Ralph: Shut up, nerd. Everyone studies this in middle school so of course I would know about it. ANYWAYS, our symbol is the magic conch, repeat after me, ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH.
Boys: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH
Piggy: Ololololololololo
Bosy: Ololololololololo
Piggy: So how do we make a fire?
Simon: Hi, I'm Simon
Ralph: Hmm, let me think.
Simon: Uh, hello? Can I help?
Ralph: I GOT IT. *takes Piggy's glasses*
Piggy: HEY!
Ralph: *uses the glasses to reflect the light from the sun into the fire pit*
Boys: SCIENCE!!!
Piggy: Everyone shut up, and give me those!
Ralph: Hey, I created the fire, we need to keep it.
Simon: Uh, HELLO?
Ralph and Piggy: WHAT?
Simon: Can I help?
Ralph: With what?
Simon: We need some sort of shelter, you know, if it decides to storm or something.
Piggy: What do you think.
Ralph: You can lead some of our boys to do that I guess.
Simon: I'll get the little ones.
Ralph: ...okay knock yourself out
Simon: Okay *faints*
Ralph: that's not what I meant
Jack: HRAW!!!
Piggy: Ah!
Ralph: You're still here?
Jack: HRAW I NEED YOUR HERP! I WANT TO HERP FIND FOOD FOR EVERYONE! ME AND MY CHOIR BOYS WIRR SCOUR THE ISRAND! HRAW!!!
Ralph: okay fine but make sure to share it with everyone over here.
Jack: HRAW!! OKAY!
Ralph: Urgh...

The boys in Ralph's camp scout the area, and then Jack brings food. Eventually though, democracy fails because of a rumored beast or something.

Ralph: It's a myth boys. I know it since my mom told me about it.
Boys: NO ITS SCAREEEEEE
Jack: HRAW!! EVERYONE I HAVE A PRAN!!
Simon: Oh boy...
Jack: WE KIRR THE BEAST. HRAW!! WHO'S WITH ME!
Boys: HRAW!!
Ralph: oh Christ
Jack: FIRST WE MUST KIRR THIS PIG! YOU BOYS OVER THERE, WE SKEWER THIS ONE.
Ralph: no you IDIOT no!

*the boys that maintain the signal fire hunt the pig. A ship passes by the island and because it doesn't see any signals, it doesn't approach.*

Ralph: Jack you stupid nitwit! We had that fire just so that we could be seen by passerbys! I want to get off this island! Don't you?
Jack: HRAW I RIKE IT HERE.
Ralph face palms.
Ralph: hey you two guys...
Sam: I'm Sam
Eric: I'm Eric
Ralph: That's nice, I can trust you two to the signal fire right? Don't be like those other boys who get easily convinced. *he leaves the twins and goes to Piggy* I hate my life.
Piggy: Dude don't be edgy, you are a better leader than that guy.

Meanwhile a fighter jet explodes over the island and the paratroopers body makes its way to the island.
Sam and Eric: BEAST!! *they run, and earn all the boys for an emergency meeting*
Ralph: This is ridiculous.
Jack: HRAW!!! THE BEAST MUST HAVE DONE THIS!
Ralph: No
Jack: I WIRR READ THE SEARCH PARTY!!
Ralph: Dude I'm coming with you.
Jack: HRAW! WHY?!
Ralph: Because we don't trust each other perhaps? Plus if this is real then I'll actually be impressed for once.
Roger: Hi I share my name with an American Dad alien and I'm the most random character in the story. I'm joining you two.
Jack: HRAW!! GOOD. THE ROCATION IS CASTRE ROCK RETS GO EVERYONE
Ralph gulps.

The trio journeys
Ralph: okay this is boring.
Roger: Oh my goodness it's a little severed head! I'm adding this to my collection.
Jack: HRAW! THERE IS PROOF! THE BEAST IS REAR!!
Ralph: oh god he was right. Hey can you tell Roger to quit touching that head.
Jack: HRAW!!

They flee and return to the shelters.
Ralph: Are you f-ing serious Jack
Jack: HRAW!! THE BEAST IS REAR, CHIRDREN!! RARPH IS WRONG!!
Boys: zzz
Jack: HRAW!! SCREW YOU GUYS!
Jack goes away with Roger following.
A few boy conversations happen
Boy: Jack saw the beast?
Boy: It's real?
Boy: Oh god Jack was right!
They leave
Ralph: Oh come on you nitwits.
Jack: HRAW!! I PROMISE A BIG FEAST ON PIGS. RETS PAINT OUR FACES AND DO SACRIFICIAR RITUARS TO SATISFY OUR BROODRUST!!
Boys: Yay!!!
Ralph: I hate my freaking life
Piggy: Hey Ralph: let's sneak in on one of their gay rituals, maybe we can show them Jack is a nonce.
Ralph: Okay.

Simon is in his retreat cave.
Simon: I need time to hallucinate.
Simon: what's this, a pig head on a stick with flies? Are you some kind of lord of the flies?
Pig head: I AM YOUR DEATH.
Simon: Gah!
He runs, goes to some mountains, then finds the dead parachutist. Then he goes to the shelter where everyone is.
Simon: Hey guys the beast is a complete fake and what the hell are you guys wearing and doing.
Jack: HRAW!!! BEAST!!!! KIRR!!!
Simon: Oh fu-
Everyone gangbangs Simon to death. Ralph and Piggy return to camp afterwards.

Ralph: we still have the MAGIC CONCH.
Piggy: ololololololo
Ralph: lets patrol, um, you might need your glasses.
Piggy. Nah
Meanwhile...
Jack: HRAW!!
Boys: let's take the MAGIC CONCH!
Jack: HRAW! THATS NOT IT! ITS THE NERDS GRASSES THAT SYMBORIZE POWER. WE MUST TAKE THEM.
Boys: Yeah!
They raid Ralph's camp and take the glasses

Piggy: WHERE ARE MY GLASSES.
Ralph: Dammit Jack
Sam: I'm Sam
Eric: I'm Eric
Ralph: You guys are still here?
Sam and Eric: yeah
Ralph: Okay let's go, im gonna beat that Jack guy up.
They reach Jack at Castle Rock
Ralph: Give back his glasses you nincompoop
Jack: HRAW!! NEVER!! *gets men to bind the twins* I HAVE SUPERIOR CONTROR OVER EVERYTHING ON THIS ISRAND!
Ralph: I'LL KILL YOU!
Jack: HRAW!!
Piggy: EVERYBODY STOP. We need order around here. I have the MAGIC CONCH
Roger: Hey surprise boulder incoming
Piggy: What-
Piggy gets flattened by the boulder and the conch shatters.
Ralph: ARGH I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.

Ralph: No I can't I gotta see what's going on. Those bastards destroyed the MAGIC CONCH and Piggy with it!
Sam and Eric: They want to kill you.
Ralph: Uh, DUH. What do I do?
Sam and Eric: Uh, run, maybe?
Ralph: Good idea.

Next morning
Jack: HRAW!! HUNT FOR RARPH! WE KIRR HIM AND WE HAVE ABSORUTE ORDER ON THIS ISRAND!
Boys: Yeah!
Ralph continues to elude his hunters, losing more options as they set fire to the whole island. Eventually he falls on the beach and finds an adult standing in front of him.
Adult: Hey boy, what's with the fire around here?
Ralph cries, the hunters also come and they cry too.
Adult: Good lord, what the heck have YOU boys been doing all this time? And no one was here to save you?

The end.

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