Cleveland, Ohio
Cleveland is a major city in the U.S. state of Ohio and serves as the county seat of Cuyahoga County. It is located on the southern shore of Lake Erie and is part of the Great Lakes region. Cleveland is known for its cultural institutions, such as the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Museum... read more The Browns don't know what it's like to be in a Super Bowl, and the Cavaliers have never made it to the NBA Finals, even though everyone keeps saying they will. The only championships Cleveland citizens got to experience were the Indians winning the World Series in 1920 and 1948.
Even with the Cavs winning an NBA title in June 2016 and the Indians losing to the Cubs in baseball's 121st World Series (also in 2016), the Cleveland Browns wouldn't know a Super Bowl if it bit them.
The Browns are so horrible at football that they're only liked by little kids who like their logo and/or the color brown. I predicted that the next Super Bowl will be Browns vs. Lions, and my dad said that if I'm right, he'll pay me $1,000!
Atlanta, Georgia
Atlanta is the capital and most populous city in the U.S. state of Georgia. As of the 2020 census, the city had a population of approximately 498,715, making it the 38th most populous city in the United States. Atlanta is also a major transportation hub, home to the busiest airport in the world, Hartsfield... read more The Braves have been in the NLCS 11 times and in the World Series once. The Atlanta Hawks have been in the playoffs 25 times but never made it to the finals.
Blowing a 25-point lead in the Super Bowl. Congratulations!
Buffalo, New York
Buffalo is the second-largest city in the U.S. state of New York and the largest city in Western New York. It is located on the eastern shore of Lake Erie and at the head of the Niagara River. Buffalo is known for its historic architecture, cultural institutions, and as the birthplace of Buffalo wings... read more In the '70s, the Buffalo Bills and Buffalo Braves were really good teams. However, the Bills were in four Super Bowls in a row and lost every single one. The Buffalo Braves are now more than 2,000 miles away as the Los Angeles Clippers. Buffalo's hockey team, the Sabres, has yet to win a Stanley Cup, even with the 27 playoff appearances they've had since their first season in 1970.
It's a pity the Buffalo Bills played in four straight Super Bowls without winning even one title, let alone four. Can anybody say fail horn?
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Most Minnesota fans know nothing but terrible defeats. Look no further than the Vikings, who hold some of the worst playoff losses in NFL history. Blair Walsh, Gary Anderson, anyone? They are also 0-4 in the Super Bowl.
Additionally, while MLB, NBA, NFL, and NHL teams all exist in the state, they have only ever won a championship in one sport: baseball (Twins, most recently in 1991).
Lastly, in hockey lore, Minnesota has one of the saddest stories in history. Known as the State of Hockey, the team was moved by the worst owner ever from frigid Minnesota to Texas. The franchise, which was in Minnesota from 1967 to 1993, won the Stanley Cup in Texas in 1999. There's even a day named after this sad event: Happy Norm Green Sucks Day on June 9th.
Phoenix, Arizona
Phoenix is the capital and most populous city of Arizona, with a population of approximately 1,626,000 people. It is the fifth most populous city in the United States and the only state capital with over one million residents... read more The Suns have been in the NBA Finals twice, and they lost both times. The Cardinals made it to the Super Bowl for the first time ever and lost in the last minute.
Kansas City, Missouri
San Diego, California
San Diego is a city in the U.S. state of California. It is known for its mild year-round climate, beautiful beaches, and major tourist attractions such as the San Diego Zoo and Balboa Park. San Diego is also home to a large U.S. Navy presence and several universities. San Diego's two former basketball teams both moved to new cities. The Chargers lost their first Super Bowl in 1995 and haven't been in one since. The Padres have never won a World Series.
With the Chargers relocating to LA, San Diego should be #1.
Seattle, Washington
Seattle is a seaport city on the west coast of the United States. It is the seat of King County, Washington. The city is known for its tech industry, including companies like Amazon and Microsoft, and for landmarks such as the Space Needle and Pike Place Market. The Seahawks have been in one Super Bowl, and they lost it. The Mariners don't even know what it's like to be in a World Series. The Sonics no longer exist in the entire state. Now that the Sonics are in Oklahoma City, Kevin Durant is doing great. Seattle ranks higher than any other city in the whole wide world!
This entry is in light of the disappearance of the Sonics, a basketball team that won an NBA title in 1979.
Sacramento, California
When the NBA's Kings left Kansas City, they should have turned themselves into the Oklahoma City Thunder, leaving Seattle's Sonics team alone. In that case, there would be no SUCKramento Queens.
Washington, D.C.
The Washington Senators (old baseball team) won a World Series in 1924, only to spend 47 years avoiding baseball's biggest prize.
The Redskins, Capitals, Wizards, and Nationals have only won five championships altogether, three of which were by the Redskins.
The Newcomers
? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Pittsburgh is a city in the western part of the U.S. state of Pennsylvania. It is the second most populous city in the state, following Philadelphia. Pittsburgh is known for its rich industrial history, vibrant cultural scene, and numerous bridges.
? Dallas, Texas
The Contenders
Houston, Texas
Houston is the most populous city in the state of Texas and ranks fourth in the United States. According to a 2017 U.S. Census estimate, it had a population of approximately 2.312 million. It is also the most populous city in both the Southern United States and along the Gulf Coast. The Astros are still awaiting their first title after 48 seasons and nine playoff appearances. The Rockets' two titles are all the city has since the Oilers took two early AFL championships during the pre-Super Bowl era. You may not believe this, but the Oilers were so bad that the residents told the owners to move the team out of the state.
All Houston has to show for itself are the two rings the Rockets won. Those two rings came when Michael Jordan was out of the league for a year and a half.
Charlotte, North Carolina
Charlotte is the most populous city in North Carolina. It serves as a major U.S. financial hub and is the home of the Bank of America headquarters. The city's population as of 2023 was an estimated 900,000, reflecting its rapid growth in recent decades.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Philadelphia is the largest city in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania and ranks as the sixth most populous city in the United States. As of 2016, it had an estimated population of 1,567,872, and its metropolitan area was home to more than 6.3 million people. Located along the lower Delaware and Schuylkill... read more They barely have any titles in any sports! I don't like Philly sports fans, so they deserve this!
Salt Lake City, Utah
Salt Lake City is the capital and the most populous city in the state of Utah. It was founded in 1847 by Brigham Young and other Mormon pioneers. The city is known for its proximity to the Great Salt Lake and for hosting the 2002 Winter Olympics. The Utah Jazz, the worst oxymoron in team sports, have never won a single NBA title.
Chicago, Illinois
Orlando, Florida
At least the Miami Heat have won NBA titles, unlike the Orlando Magic.
Nashville, Tennessee
Nashville is the capital and largest city of the U.S. state of Tennessee. It is widely recognized for its role in the country music industry, earning it the nickname Music City. The city is home to major landmarks such as the Grand Ole Opry and the Country Music Hall of Fame.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Detroit, Michigan
Detroit is the largest and most populous city in the U.S. state of Michigan. Located on the Detroit River, it lies directly across from Windsor, Ontario, Canada. As of 2020, Detroit had a population of approximately 639,111.
Los Angeles, California
Los Angeles, officially the City of Los Angeles and often abbreviated as L.A., is the largest city in California. It has an estimated population of nearly 4 million and is the second-largest city in the United States after New York City. It is also the third-largest in North America after Mexico City... read more
Montreal, Canada
Montreal is the most populous municipality in the Canadian province of Quebec and the second-most populous in the country. It was originally known as Ville-Marie and takes its name from Mount Royal, a three-peaked hill located in the city center... read more This entry is in light of the disappearance of the Expos, a baseball team that won the NL East in 1981 and 1994.
Toronto, Canada
Toronto is the most populous city in Canada, the provincial capital of Ontario, and the core of the Greater Toronto Area, the country's most populous metropolitan region. It is an international hub for business, finance, arts, and culture. Toronto is also recognized as one of the most multicultural... read more
Hartford, Connecticut
This entry is in light of the disappearance of the Hartford Whalers, an old NHL team.
Ottawa, Canada