Album Review: Angelic 2 The Core

WonkeyDude98
Mini-Description: In my long-awaited twenty-fifth album review...this is what I go through for you guys!

Best Songs: NONE OF THEM
Worst Songs: ALL OF THEM (Standouts in this vein: "Seamless" ft. Fred Durst, "Go 4 It" ft. Snoop Dogg, "We Wanted Change", "Lickety Splickety" ft. Kurupt, "Duh)

-2/10

I don't know why I'm doing this.

I'm pretty sure most of you by now have heard of Corey Feldman, one way or another. He's most famous for starring as an actor for several movies, including Stand By Me and especially The Goonies. However, in recent memory that's been overshadowed by his music.

And yeah, there's no easy way to talk about this.

Corey Feldman is a former child star, in every sense of the word. An adolescent actor that ended up fading out of the spotlight for years upon years, until coming back to make a pseudo-psychedelic 90 minute album with a horrendous cover that's basically set for disaster. So, was this Dead Petz Part 2?

Well, there's two ways I could go about this. On one hand, I could dismiss it in all of its form, write it off as a disaster, and leave it at that, but...actually that's the only option. Simply put, Angelic 2 The Core is a calamity, not only the worst album I've heard this year thus far, but has easily lodged itself as quite easily the worst album I've ever heard in my life.

And let me get the lyrics out of the way very quickly, because I never took the liberty of analyzing any real themes. I can't even make out most of the lyrics on Funkadelic (thank you Genius for only being there when I don't need you). But from what I can tell, the lyrics fall under one of two categories: 1. Corey taking way too much control of the fact that he can write whatever he wants and fantasizing about treating strippers like even more of objects ("agents" as they apparently are) than what's normally done in music, depicting them as some sort of "angels", or 2. Some random unwarranted cliché angst that wouldn't be out of place on the best BrokenCYDE album or maybe a horrid Limp Bizkit album (WE'LL GET TO THEM LATER).

Like, I'm not exactly expecting Corey to get introspective or lyrically experimental or anything, but this was the absolute worst direction foe him to take. You'd think that a former child star who is also an alleged rape victim would at least say something about it.

But the main reason I'm keeping this bit short is because it's probably the least bad thing about this album. No, where we really start getting into trouble is the instrumentation and production. Now, this album has two sides: Angelic Funkadelic and Angelic Rockadelic. Obviously, this album is taking stabs at psychedelic funk and rock. So why does this sound like a horrendous amalgamation of every single bad song that's ever existed?

It's arguable that Funkadelic is even worse in this vein. Every single song on that half contains overproduced, awfully mixed synths that call back to the club boom circa 2010 (the dark ages of pop), with the most underweight drum machines you'll hear in 2016. Yeah it has groove, which is more than what could be said about most of the year, but the groove is completely neutered by the hazy filters placed on everything that only serves to make the melodies more grating, which is especially prevalent ln the atrocious Go 4 It. Rockadelic isn't exactly better, either. It's less grating, but it's even more white noise. The guitars are universally sloppy and gutless, and the drums are either swamped away by a wide array of filters or are so thin and pristine that they're barely even there.

But what makes the instrumentation as bad as it is is the production. Who's responsible for mixing this album? Because they deserve to be Satan's second-in-command. The frontal mixes feel completely empty, leaving everything stuffed in the back, which makes an album that's so very from 2016 feel like it's from the 50s. The audio fidelity is abysmal, and I shouldn't have to comment on that in 2016.

Which is saying a lot, because there are some elements that work on their own. I don't hate the piano line opening Test 1, or some of the guitars like the solo on Wanna Break Free, but these are just mediocre fragments that get matched with songs that do absolutely nothing with them.

But honestly, El-P could have produced this for all I care and this would still be absolutely dreadful entirely thanks to Corey Feldman himself. Sure, while you get Snoop Dogg, Kurupt, and Fred Durst as guest stars for some ungodly reason, but even pushing them aside, Corey sounds terrible! His throaty gag of a rough baritone tries to have some sort of charismatic gravitas but instead it's just grating and amateur. Combining the awful fidelity and Corey's unlistenable growls, I can't make out ANYTHING that's being said, and when you consider that there are no conveniently accessible lyric sheets and the fact that I don't plan on going through this whole 90 minute dreck more than the two times I had to, that's probably why I haven't exactly done much lyrical analysis!

The main reason I review music is for that cathartic rush that you get when you analyze or expose an album in detail, whether it be good or bad. But there was nothing to earn from this: this was taking out the trash. This has since been overthrown from my worst album of all time (that's a very different beast for a very different day), but alongside Dos by Green Day, never has an album drained both my life force and will to live like this one has. A -2/10, and I can only recommend t for those looking for an album that might be so bad it's interesting, but even then it's so tedious and long that you're better off going for a Jason Derulo album...from last year! Can I just review something better next?

This is WonkeyDude98, and Kenny Chesney is next. Lord help me.

Comments

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