Literature as told by a TopTenner: To Kill a Mockingbird

Nonpointed Obvious parody summary as follows.

It's the Great Depression and a racist county town has a few notable occupants, including Atticus Finch and his children Jem and Jean Louise "Scout" Finch.
Jem and Scout: Daddy can we go play outside?
Atticus: Well now this be a tired old town, just don't go away from them outskirts or that one guy in that one house on that one street and ah forget it. We don't have TV or electricity anymore since the bill guy is such a jerkwad.
Jem: Hey look a new kid!
Scout: Let's have fun with him.
Jem: Um...fine.
Dill: Hi, I'm Dill, my aunt lives here and I want to live with her before school starts. SCHOOL SUCKS!
Jem: That's something I can agree on.
Scout: I'm Scout and this is my older bro Jeremy.
Jem: It's Jem.
Scout: We are bored and want to play.
Jem: Yeah our father doesn't tell us much about things.
Dill: Well I know of one guy, his name is Boo.
Scout: You mean Arthur "Boo" Radley? He's a really weird guy.
Jem: I think you would wet your pants if he came out.
Scout: Shut up, bro!
Dill: I always wanted to know if that guy ever came out of the clos...I mean house.
Jem: Have you seen him?
Dill: Only silhouettes of someone in a window at night. It might be him, who knows. My aunt doesn't talk about him.
Scout: Our daddy doesn't talk about him either and calls him "that one guy in that one house on that one street and ah forget it".
Dill: I always wanted to make him come out of the clos...house.
Jem: The what?
Dill: NEVERMIND I EVEN ASKED!
Jem: I think he wet himself.
Scout: I would love to see you wet yourself, big bro.
Atticus: Kids I told you to stop playing with the one guy in that one house on that one street and ah forget it.
Dill: Also I want to marry you at some point.
Scout: Uh, okay.

Atticus is at work.
Judge Taylor: I have assigned you a case. Defend a black man accused of raping a white woman.
Atticus: That's...a challenge, hmm.
Judge Taylor: I don't expect you to be well-received because of it.
Atticus: Well, you know how racist this town is.
Judge Taylor: Not much to do. Besides, you're the only good lawyer in this town.
Atticus: I'll take it.

The racist townsfolk apparently views the lawyer as a "n****r-lover", infuriating Scout.
Scout: SHUT UP ALREADY!!
Jem: It's no use.
Atticus: Don't fight them, children.
A guy comes up to Atticus.
Guy: Hey man, don't even attempt to defend the guy. We'll kill him for being black and all. Everyone behind me agrees.
Scout: Every one of you is wrong!
Jem: You guys are awful.
Dill: Can't you understand that their father is like the only good lawyer in the whole town and he's not defending him because he's black or something? What if this whole thing turned out to be a white lie by the accuser like in SO MANY CASES? Can't you guys view things from the way their father has to deal with it.
The mob backs off.
Atticus: Kids please stay out of this, there's no reason to get involved in all this.
When he leaves, the three kids decide to sneak in to hear the hearing, getting the help from a black preacher to sit in a colored section.

At the hearing:
Atticus: So here's the thing. Rape accusations are often incredibly exaggerated and this one is really no exception. Mayella Ewell and her father Bob fabricated the whole thing and accused an innocent black man of this crime. As my evidence, I present to you that Mayella had no friends at all until she met Tom Robinson, and decided to make sexual advances to him, which may have actually been threatening to Tom. This is when Bob, possibly drunk off of booze like he usually is in this town, ended up catching her in the act and beating her. Then, due to the racist nature of this county and this one drunken man, they testified to sheriff Heck Tate that Tom Robinson was responsible for raping her despite the fact that Tom wasn't making any moves on her at all. For further evidence, Tom's left hand is crippled, and the marks on Mayella were clearly from someone who used his left hand on her right face. Therefore, this accusation is a fabrication.
Bob: I hate you Atticus.
Judge Taylor: I will now let the jury decide.
A while later...
Jury: We find Tom Robinson, the defendant, guilty of rape.
Jem: WTF
Atticus: You didn't listen to a word I said, didn't you?
Bob: Wow, we won. But I still hate your guts.
Atticus: I am appealing this verdict. This is just non-sensible racism at its finest.

Later:
Jem: I don't understand any of this.
Scout: Huh?
Jem: What I do understand is why Boo stays in his house all the time. Because this town is full of racist numbnuts.
Scout: Oh.
Atticus comes in.
Jem: So did you get it?
Atticus: No son, and it's not happening. Tom died trying to escape from prison. A foolish move.
Scout: He didn't make it?
Atticus: No, but as foolish as it is, the jury were obviously still wrong in convicting him.

Later again:
Bob: You bastard! *spits*
Atticus: Gross
Bob: I'm gonna do stuff to the black dude's widow and steal money from Judge Taylor's secret stash!
Atticus: What is wrong with you?

After a nighttime Halloween costume party or something.
Scout: WHY WAS I A PIECE OF HAM
Jem: Shush we're going home.
Scout: Huh?
Jem: Who's there, ah!
Scout: Jem!
Scout gets knocked over in her costume while someone attacks Jem, breaking his arm and also knocking him unconscious. Another intervenes and there is silence. Scout gets up, notices a man who is bringing Jem back home.Scout: Hey thank you, ah! You are Boo Radley aren't you?
Arthur:...
Arthur: walk me home, please, I hate everything outside but I'm not as bad as others put me out to be
Scout: Uh, s-s-sure I guess.
She walks him home and sort of just sits and thinks about her life. Meanwhile...

Atticus: MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ATTACKED!?
Heck Tate: Yep, and I found another. Bob Ewell was apparently involved in this. I think he attacked your children, but he was found dead with a knife through his chest. I think I know who did it.
Atticus: I know for a fact I taught Jem how to defend himself in case stuff like this happens.
Heck Tate: No I bet you it was that Arthur Radley guy.
Atticus: The potential pedophile? Doubtful.
Heck Tate: Your kids are still too young to really manage against a guy like Ewell though.
Atticus: Okay this is getting nowhere, and pressing charges is gonna really create more provocations. Because there's clearly no witnesses apart from my kids and one of them is unconscious and the other likely shellshocked, we might as well come up with some excuse.
Heck Tate: Alright, I'm gonna say that Bob Ewell simply was so drunk and stupid in his own attack that he fell on his own knife.
Atticus: Sounds reasonable enough. Good night.

Atticus then goes home to comfort his kids. The end.

Comments

A potential paedophile lol - TwilightKitsune (9/2/2018)

I've read the book a few times, and I must say this post is a really funny representation of the story. - visitor (12/6/2018)

I just finished reading this book for english class, and I'd say this re-telling of it is 100% accurate. - visitor (12/16/2018)