RANKED!: Episode 7- Hot Alternative Songs (Winter 2017)

ProPanda
There's no Winter 17. I know I said I'd do it, but I realized I had no specific date. And I don't have time to rank fifteen charts from worst to best. Thankfully, I have some friends to help me out. Wonkey ended up doing the Hot 100, and NikTheWiz did the country and adult contemporary charts. Now, I'm gonna step in and help out TTT, by ranking, THE ALTERNATIVE CHARTS! Even though half of these songs aren't technically alternative. This one always seems to be the favorite among the community because... I have no idea. This is TheDoubleAgent's list because I didn't know which other one to use.

So, without further ado...
The Awful (<=0/5) Tier
20. Believer by Imagine Dragons
Man, what happened to these guys? I remember everyone loving It's Time, and liking Radioactive a little. Then came Demons, which everyone loved or hated. I was part of the latter. But where the real switch happened was I Bet My Life. Everyone seem to hate that song because of the chorus. Personally, I liked it a lot, even to this day. I thought to myself, if I liked that chorus, I'm never gonna hate anything these guys like, right?

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

This is the worst chorus I've heard since, god, Shake It Off! It's like I Bet My Life, except without any energy or any natural passion that made that song good to begin with. Also, the more you watch the video, the more you realize Dan getting beat up is a good thing.

Which brings us to the next thing... the lyrics. I'm not sure what exactly this is about, but sorting the events in "first things first", "second things second", and "last things last", isn't gonna help your case.

19. Take It All Back by Judah And The Lion
This…. it’s literally a mix between banjo rock, folk, pop, and trap! There is no middle ground between any of those genres for the beat to follow, and it has to rely on really bad tempo changes to keep itself going. And this dude’s voice…. look. There’s a difference between singing and screaming. You are doing the latter. You sound genuinely frustrated when the lyrics are about a good deed (don’t let that fool you). You should be sounding happy, not edgy and emo. To be fair, his lyrics are bull. He’s saying he’ll take it all back just to have you, but he doesn’t need to take anything back, because he has you. Look, just screw this.

18. Down by Marian Hill
This song bothers my presence. I mean, it sounded cool on the album, but here? And it’s not even like their other songs suffer from this either. I listened to every song I liked from Act One separately and they were all just as good. It’s just this one. Even the bad songs, some got better. I don’t know if it’s the overplay, or that it replaced the far superior Back To Me a their single, or the drop, but I just don’t like this anymore, and the whole things disturbs me.

17. Middle Fingers by MISSIO
Any criticism you had against twenty one pilots at one point is shown here. Boring beat, annoying vocalists, edgy lyrics, bad fanbase, somewhat catchy vibe which makes the whole thing worse. The full package. I’d like to apologize to them for hating on Heathens so much. I mean, that song was terrible, even worse than this, but at least there was an appeal! I don’t see any reason for anyone to actually seek out time to listen to this. No reason. Whatsoever.

16. Trouble by Cage The Elephant
…zzz

OH! Sorry guys, I fell asleep there. So, uh, this speaks for itself? I mean, c’mon, what reason does anyone have to like it? It’s boring, disappointing, and meaningless. Well, it is one of the better songs on the album… but that just speaks less for the quality of the song and more for the lack of quality in the album. God guys, you screwed this one up big time.
The Bad Tier (1/5)

15. All The Pretty Girls by Kaleo
Way Down We Go to this. What happened? This lacks their usual grit, and they’ve reverted to something more boring, and filler. I’d call it awful, but it’s more a bland noise, then a song to be loathed.

14. Heavy by Linkin Park
I’ve been waiting to talk about this one. For those of you who saw my Worst Songs Of 2017 remix, you’ll find that was on the top. And now, it’s a 1/5. You may be wondering, what happened? I can explain. Chester sounds really really bad. He just sounds… incomplete. It should be hopeless, but instead it’s somewhere right beneath hopeless. And the chorus is just insufferable. I liked it better when he stated static in his notes, such as in Numb. Here, he tries to range notes he obviously can’t hit. And the lyrics aren’t much better. It’s the same shtick they’re always doing. Passing off as pretentious, realizing they are just that, and continuing to beg for pity because no one “understands” them. Gimmel a break. What keeps this from the awful tier is KIAARA. I don’t know, the Selena Gomez vibes made her verse grow on me, ok?

The Meh Tier (2/5)

13. Love Is Mystical by Cold War Kids
… same guys who made First. These are the same guys who made First. First. These guys made frickin First. These guys… same people who made.. same people who made… oh just screw this car commercial trash!

12. Sweet Disaster by DREAMERS
Great opening production. I just love that guitar line. However, the lyrics are generic, and this dude’s voice is very irritating. Sorry.

The Decent Tier (3/5)

11. Blame by Bastille
So… this exists. I mean, I like the whole dark vibe of the song, and Reynolds carries it out pretty well. The lyrics are alright too. So, what do I hate about this? I don’t know. Really.

10. Cold Cold Cold by Cage The Elephant
Trouble, the more likeable version.

9. Cleopatra by The Lumineers
Ho Hey, the more likeable version

8. Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists
Hm.

The Good Tier (4/5)
7. Human by Rag N Bone Man
Oh, I’ve been waiting a while to talk about this one. Man, this guy’s voice is amazing. He holds so much power, charisma over the microphone. He can carry any beat anytime. Speaking of the beat, my god, this is so bombastic! It swells up all of the energy and harnesses it in the vocals. I’ve never seen such power in a song anytime. Too bad this guy’s album isn’t anywhere near as good.

6. Heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots
This is one of the best choruses of the decade. It’s catchy, energetic, and Tyler is directly on point. The beat is pretty awesome too. Josh makes it fast paced, energetic, dark, and above all, fun! What kills it for me is Tyler on the verses. Who thought adding white boy rap to this beat was a good idea? I sure didn’t.

The Great Tier (5/5)
5. Green Light by Our Lord And Savior
And… Lorde is back! I was really interested to see where she would be heading with this new direction. While everyone thought she’d go indie, I noticed she was spending a lot of time with the guy from Bleachers, and Charli XCX, and I thought she’d go in one of their directions. However, what I did not expect, was to take both of their styles, and rock the middle ground! Seriously, this is amazing! The piano is both catchy, and swell. It picks up the atmosphere, and allows Lorde to enter and harness it. Lorde sounds pretty good too. She’s never sounded this confident… ever. She takes all control, and sings her heart out. It is truly amazing.

4. Waste A Moment (how does one dislike this) by Kings Of Leon
This is Use Somebody, the slightly less likeable version. I don’t know if that’s a testament to this song’s quality, or that song’s quality.

3. Somebody Else by The 1975
The last time they made a song this good, it was the best song of the entire decade. The beat is so relaxed and calm. The lyrics and desperate and hopeless. And this guy’s voice is amazing. This is everything I want in a song, and I suggest you check out the album because it is amazing.

2. Still Breathing by Green Day
To be honest, this might be in my top ten favorite Green Day songs… ever. It’s easily the best song on Revolution Radio, that’s for sure. Billie Joe sounds so sincere and above all, relatable. He brings up types of people who are struggling to common things, and tries to tell you he can relate. Also, this one of their more personal songs. Billie joe talks about his struggles and hardships of life. And while it might get cliché somethings, that energetic beat, and catchy hook makes up for it in every way. And let’s be real here, at least it isn’t Youngblood…

1. Fire Escape by Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness
Bet you didn’t see that coming… you probably did. I’ve been waiting how long it would take for this song to become a hit at alternative, especially since his last two songs hit the top 20 there. And yeah, this song rules. He talks about a girl he likes and talking about how she’s his number 1. The beat… man, this beat. It’s so catchy! The oh ohs in the background, the pianos and the drop on the chorus, it’s all amazing. Great song, and not even the best on it’ album.

So, that was that. I honestly don't know what to think.

So... Score: 51/100

That... is really good. Ok, I guess I like the alternative charts. I'll try to do an EDM one as soon as possible, David Guetta review is halfway done. Echosmith next. Then... Metallica. I'll try to stick to that.

Comments

I skipped this lol

SCRUB TIER
20. Middle Fingers (Heathens >>>> this whole ranking except #1)
19. Heavy
18. Take It All Back (guess these guys were literally the only people who didn't listen to Ride)
17. Down
16. All The Pretty Girls

BAD TIER
15. Sweet Disaster (fittingly titled)
14. Believer
13. Trouble
12. Waste A Moment
11. Love Is Mystical (the most mildly terrible song ever)

MEH TIER
10. Human
9. Fire Escape (this song gets worse every time I hear it)
8. Still Breathing

DECENT TIER
7. Somebody Else

GOOD TIER
6. Cold Cold Cold
5. Green Light
4. Blame (hearing the clean edgeless Dan Smith try to portray an angry, bloodthirsty dude who's prolific at torture is adorable. Other than that this is great)

GREAT TIER
3. Wish I Knew You
2. Cleopatra
1. Heavydirtysoul

TOTAL: 41/100. Not good at all. - WonkeyDude98

Edit: Human down to #16. Debating on whether to move Fire Escape and Still Breathing down a tier too. 40/100, could change to a 38/100 soon. - WonkeyDude98

EDIT 2: Believer still at #14, but in the Scrub Tier. 39/100 at best guys. - WonkeyDude98

Also update your worst of 2016 remix taking Heavy off the bottom 3 so there'll be room for Drinkin' Too Much. - WonkeyDude98

I will. - ProPanda

Also...did you mistake Dan Smith and Dan Reynolds? - WonkeyDude98

I did lol - ProPanda

Redoing the old one, delete it.

SCRUB TIER
20. Middle Fingers
19. Take It All Back
18. Heavy
17. Down
16. Human
15. All The Pretty Girls
14. Believer

BAD TIER
13. Fire Escape (ugh just SCREW THIS.)
12. Sweet Disaster
11. Trouble
10. Still Breathing (ugh just SCREW THIS.)
9. Waste A Moment
8. Love Is Mystical

DECENT TIER (nothing in MEH)
7. Somebody Else

GOOD TIER
6. Cold Cold Cold
5. Green Light
4. Blame (again, hearing the clean edgeless Dan Smith trying to be a vengeance-seeking, sadistic figure is just hilarious. Song is great otherwise though.)

GREAT TIER
3. Wish I Knew You (ON ITS WAY TO BEING A HIT! )
2. Cleopatra
1. Heavydirtysoul

TOTAL: 36/100. Even the alternative charts can't be good this year... - WonkeyDude98

One more thing:

"Then came Demons, which everyone either loved or hated. I was part of the latter."

but like you like that song - WonkeyDude98

Sorry. I meant former. - ProPanda

P