Top Ten Ways to Know You're Drunk

Finch
If you've been to college, a party, or generally been old enough to legally drink, you've probably been drunk at least once. You start off by having a beer or wine, maybe a shot of something stronger, then before you know it you are chugging whiskey straight from the bottle and doing body shots off your best friend's partner.

You wake up in an unfamiliar bed, in a strange studio apartment, wearing a lampshade and only one sock, and you have NO IDEA where you are or how you got there. You slip out of bed, careful not to wake up the thing sleeping beside you - you're not brave enough yet to pull back the covers and see what's laying, snoring beneath. All you know is that you got drunk last night and you regret it this morning.

Below are the signs and signals to look for that will tell you if you are too drunk to function safely.

The Top Ten

1 You have to hold onto the ground to avoid falling off the Earth

Everything is spinning and somehow gravity seems to be pulling you in all the wrong directions. Grab a hold of something solid and hang on for the ride.

Seriously can't believe that people PAY to feel like this! Crazy. - Britgirl

Well I would but I'm not old enough to drink yet - Adventurur2

LOL, I like this list - it made my day. So funny and so true. - Metal_Treasure

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2 Everywhere looks like a viable place to pee

It's safe to go between those two cars right? Sure there are people in them at the moment but the light is still red and I've gotta go... Not worth it.

So everywhere is a fire hidrent to you - Adventurur2

3 You pee and it smells like your last cocktail

Whatever you do, no matter your budget, DON'T drink it. You'll regret it.

Le cringe - Adventurur2

4 Everybody at the party/bar looks attractive

Chances are, if you didn't hit on them when you first showed up at the party, you shouldn't try it now that they appear attractive. You're better off going home alone.

This explains why drunk people hit on everyone. Nice description by the way.

Sooo even someone ugly like I don't know kim kardasian is hot to you - Adventurur2

5 You're pretty sure your Ex wants to hear from you

Go ahead and call/text your ex. Leave that rambling voicemail about how you're ready to try again and that they should call you for a little action tonight. We'll see how you feel in the morning. I'd avoid it.

6 You're sure you can bend the laws of physics

Everything's shape-shifting. Does the second law of thermodynamics apply here? - PositronWildhawk

While entropy certainly comes into play here, one could also argue that the universe begins to make MORE sense after the consumption of alcohol. Whether or not the reality of a situation changes based on personal perception is a different story though.

Dude, we can totally make it from the roof into the pool. So what if it's over the fence in the neighbor's backyard. 3 feet is plenty deep for a swan dive...

7 Everyone is really interesting

You may get into a seemingly interesting conversation about the advantages of being a level 19 Paladin but when that guy calls you the next day to join his guild you'll regret giving out your real phone number.

I don't need to be drunk to find my fellow human beings interesting, just inquisitive. I have never ever been drunk. - Britgirl

8 You had more/different clothes on when you arrived than you do now

Sure you took off that jacket when you got there but what happened to your shirt and your left shoe. Didn't you have a belt? And I know you weren't wearing gloves so where did those come from... ?

9 You're food/drink just won't stay down

You keep putting the liquid in but it just doesn't want to stay down. doesn't it know you're on a budget and can't afford to waste? Same with the McDonald's you keep trying to eat. You don't have time for these games. Just stay in there...

10 You think you could win American Idol

Trust the rest of the bar/party patrons, you wouldn't win. In fact, I'm pretty sure you have to sing in words, on key, and coherently to even be competitive. Wht you're doing now is none of those things.

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1. You have to hold onto the ground to avoid falling off the Earth
2. You're sure you can bend the laws of physics
3. Everywhere looks like a viable place to pee
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