Billboard Top 20 RANKED: July 15, 2017

WonkeyDude98
So I wasn't planning on releasing this until a certain guy on RateYourMusic does some magic on YouTube, but you know what that's for an entirely different day. The point is that these charts are utterly atrocious, somehow even worse than Spring 2017. And believe me, that's a LOW bar indeed. There's quite actually nothing redeeming in here. Want proof? Here it is:

The DIE Tier

20. Body Like A Back Road
Exhibit A: This abomination's still here. Not only that, but it's rebounding. It's about to go top 10 again. I'm not elaborating further because I need to save my rage for December, but I'll say this: besides that one other song Sam Hunt made, this might be the worst song of all time.

The SCRUB Tier

19. Now or Never
Gah damit. Why do we let this happen. This girl referenced Biggie and Nirvana to talk about the "new Americana". She whimpered on a trash heap with the #selfie guys to claim one of the biggest hit songs of all time. She made a song for Fifty Shades Darker. She insulted a journalist's dildo when he panned said song. She compared herself to Kendrick Lamar. Besides our #20 guy here, Halsey is the least talented or likable person currently making music and yet people suck up to her Needed Me wannabe. That's literally all this is, it's a ripoff of Needed Me by Rihanna. I'll save anything left I have for this dreck for December.

18. Believer
Oh, Imagine Dragons...for shame. I remember when I could defend this band without my stomach turning, because this blows. It's just this loud, piercing, annoying, ear-searing abomination that also happens to be utterly generic and forgettable. The fact that this only became as big as it did because of the Nintendo Switch is infuriating. Nintendo, what the hell did you do and how much did this band pay you to convince you to do it?

17. Say You Won't Let Go
Boring, whining nice-guy nonsense. It's basically like some guy bribing his ex by saying he'll pay for her student loans if she comes back to him--WAIT

16. Issues
Which this song has many. Seriously, I can't wait for December. But seriously this woman wrote Heavy by Linkin Park so I shouldn't be surprised this sucks.

15. Shape of You
Oh my lord in heaven will this song just LEEAAAVVVVEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!???!?!??!?!?

14. I'm the One
Allow me to describe this song properly: https://www.merriam-webster.com/thesaurus/boring

13. Wild Thoughts
I can't be the only one that despises this. It's a rancid mess. The beat is utterly generic, Rihanna's on autopilot, I already hate Maria Maria by Santana, I'm naturally going to hate Bryson Tiller no matter what, and the whole song is bent around that guitar solo. It should not be.

12. Something Just Like This
I have never been able to make up my mind on this disaster...until now. If this is (and Roses) all I had to go by, I'd say making lyrics is stupid, Chris Martin can't sing, guitar solos are irrelevant, chords aren't supposed to function properly, and every song has to have the same EDM drop.

11. Mask Off (original)
zzz...

The BAD Tier

10. It Ain't Me
Selena can't sing. Though given the demon from hell that is Kygo, she's the least of my worries.

9. Stay
Alessia can SING. Sad fact is that she has to deal with the demon from hell that is Zedd.

8. Despacito (remix)
The original is decent, but I'm using the Justin Bieber remix because it's the one that got the song to #1 and the one I always hear on the radio. And it's because it's the one that's passionless and awkward.

The MEH Tier (7 songs I can remotely tolerate at all yay)

7. XO TOUR Llif3
This song has been very erratic in terms of my opinion for it, but I can gather two things. A. Lil Uzi Vert is a talentless performer, B. this beat sucks. Inches away from the BAD Tier.

The DECENT Tier

6. HUMBLE.
Hey look, it's the worst song off DAMN. Well, at least it isn't April where I would have put it at #19.

5. There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back
Shawn Mendes can't sing. But I like this beat. And I like this melody. So I like this song.

4. Congratulations
...I have some explaining to do...

I hate Post Malone with every fiber of my being. He's the whitest approximation of every bad artist ever. White Iverson was one of the worst songs of the decade and I'd probably say he has like three songs that are worse. And yet...I like this. It's pretty uninteresting and rambly for the most part, but that chorus...god I love that chorus.

The GOOD Tier

3. That's What I Like
If not for the fact that this is slightly trap inspired, this would be #1. Because it is what I like.

2. Unforgettable
...A member of Rae Sremmurd is in the top 2.

The same week, Post Malone is in the top 5.

KILL ME NOW.

The GREAT Tier

1. Redbone
I'll save my sentiments on this song for December, but all I have to say now is that it's dreamy, it's weird, it's interesting, it's a meme, and it's the glowing star of a top 20 that shows that music is dying.

So I rated this chart with the Mask Off Kendrick remix (meh) and the Despacito original (decent) and got a 26/100. However, that's not what I'm doing for this ranking, now is it? 22/100, is this the hot 100, hell, or both? All I know is that I entered 2017 with extreme optimism because it started out strong. Then as winter became spring and now summer, we now enter the lowest point in chart history that I've ever covered.

This is WonkeyDude98, and screw 2017.

Comments

Why does EVERYBODY have to hate Say You Won't Let Go? I get that it's generic, but look at the sincerity, at least. - PhenomentalOne

Because it's manipulative garbage. - WonkeyDude98

The lyrical structure is pretty bad, but other than that, I don't mind the song at all. - NiktheWiz

Not really manipulative, just really genericly structured (first verse- I was enchanted, second verse- I want you, third verse- bragging). Also, he can't sing. - ProPanda

It’s a douchey nice guy anthem where James is bribing a girl to date him because he will do chores for her. Meanwhile he probably just thinks she’s hot and wants to get into her pants. - DCfnaf

"Demon from hell that is Zedd" (No.)
"It's a rancid mess" (No.)
"Selena can't sing" (Ok kinda but screw you)
"But seriously this woman wrote Heavy by Linkin Park so I shouldn't be surprised this sucks." (She's written so many great songs, f course you picked that one as your example)


I feel like you wrote this to trigger me. - ProPanda

Those were just bonuses lol - WonkeyDude98

Why does everyone like that's what I like? - VideoGamefan5

I'd rather enjoy a party that everyone's invited to over half the metaphors I could make for bands you probably like. - WonkeyDude98

It's fun. - ProPanda

I was just asking - VideoGamefan5

Why is mainstream music so horrible in 2017? - Martinglez

I'm actually the only person who thinks 2017 is utterly travestied. - WonkeyDude98

NOTE: So I'm doing a collab with someone and that's gonna be outdated because XO TOUR Llif3 and It Ain't Me are in the SCRUB TIER, Again. 19/100, worst chart I've EVER covered. - WonkeyDude98

Awful
20. Now Or Never
19. Believer
Bad
18. Issues
17. Say You Won't Let Go
16. Body Like A Backroad
15. Shape Of You
Meh
14. There's Nothing Holdin Me Back
Decent
13. Despacito
Good
12. I'm The One
11. Mask Off
10. Something Just Like This
9. XO Tour Llif3
8. Stay
Great
7. Congratulations
6. Wild Thoughts
5. HUMBLE.
4. That's What I Like
3. It Ain't Me
2. Redbone
1. Unforgettable - ProPanda

65/100. We have like, completely different opinions on this year. You think it's incredible, I think the last four years put together were better. - WonkeyDude98

Crap:
20.) Body Like a Back Road
19.) Shape of You
18.) Believer
17.) Wild Thoughts

Bad:
16.) I'm the One
15.) Now or Never
14.) Stay
13.) Despacito (Remix)
12.) Issues
11.) Something Just Like This

Meh:
10.) Humble
9.) Say You Won't Let Go
8.) XO Tour Life

Decent:
7.) Congratulations

Good:
6.) Mask Off
5.) There's nothing' Holding Me Back
4.) Unforgettable
3.) That's What I Like
2.) It Ain't Me

Great:
1.) Redbone

Score: 40/100. Weak. - NiktheWiz

Crap Tier:
20. That's What I Like (a song that idiots like)
19. Shape of you (Another song retarded people like)
18. Body like an back road
17. Wild Thoughts
Awful Tier:
16. Now or never
Bad Tier:
Mostly everything else - VideoGamefan5

V. Introspective. 10/10 review. Rolling Stone is shook. - Ub8

"That's What I Like (a song that idiots like)"

Says the Nickelback fan. - DCfnaf

Says the bruno mars fan - VideoGamefan5

Says the Linkin Park fan. - DCfnaf

"I can't be the only one that despises [Wild Thoughts]." Not really since DJ Khaled did absolutely nothing with that Maria Maria sample, except make it sound worse than the original. The original was actually really great. - NiktheWiz

I wasn't really into it either. It's very boring and lazy. - DCfnaf

Just because I miss talking about Pop music a lil' bit:
(I'm using the most recent chart by the way)

DIE TIER
20. Issues - This song is always playing at my work while I'm doing dishes and it makes me want to dump the bleach solution down my throat. This girl's voice is grating and overly emotive and the instrumental is so minimal that it makes her voice only stick out all the more.

SCRUB TIER
19. Congratulations - Play this insufferable snoozefest at my graduation party next year and I'll strangle you.
18. Unforgettable - Ironically I forgot that this even existed until now. Hey, French and Swae, Reverb was made to be subtle, just letting ya know. Really, the instrumental is meh but... Their voices and lyrics. Oh God their voices and lyrics.

BAD TIER
17. Mask Off - Pros: The flute (Sampled from another song) Cons: Literally everything else.
16. Say You Won't Let Go - No.

MEH TIER
15. That's What I Like - This is like Bruno Mars made a song using a "Bruno Mars: Do-it-yourself-kit" This isn't interesting really, the chorus sounds kinds nice, but that's about it. A step up from 24k magic I suppose.
14. Despacito - Why is this and how? Justin Bieber pretending to know how to speak Spanish is as cringey as my early trolling. However, the actual Spanish guys are alright.
13. Redbone - Good meme. Meh song.

DECENT TIER
12. Wild Thoughts - I like the guitar, everything else is kinda just "there".
11. Shape Of You - I really like the verses, kinda like the pre chrorus, and really don't like the chorus.

GOOD TIER
10. Believer - I live for the drums on this but the rest of the song is just "pretty good" for me. The harmonies are nice as well though.
9. Now Or Never - This is very pleasant "Background music" it's got a nice, smooth beat and laid back but decent vocals. The lyrics could use some work though, they're pretty generic.
8. I'm The One - I love the chorus and the rapping is pretty good too. Lil Wayne is probably my favorite verse, it's actually got pretty good comedic value to it. I'm also a sucker for brightly produced rap songs.
7. Something Just Like This - Chris Martin sounds really good on this, his voice is very present and sets the mood. The drop is basically jacked from Roses, but then again, I love that drop so I don't really care.
6. Stay - I actually really love the vocal effects on this, I know many people don't. The pre chorus is structured very well and the verses aren't bad at all. While the chorus reminds me a lot of "All you had to do was Stay" by Taylor Swift, that honestly just makes it better.

GREAT TIER
5. Humble. - This is actually one of my favorite Kendrick songs. He spits literal fire all of this slick af beat and shuts down idiotic brag rapping. Atta boy.
4. There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back - This is the closest to an actual "Rock" song that has actually gained traction in the mainstream since "Ex's & Oh's". I'll take and love what I can get.
3. XO TOUR Llif3 - "Push me to the edge, all my friends are dead" is by far the single most powerful lyric in this entire top 20.
2. Body Like A Back Road - Yep. deal with it. It's fantastically produced and I actually think the Back Road comparison is adorable.

PERFECT TIER
1. Attention - Charlie Puth is a musical angel and no one can tell me otherwise. I loved his first album but this song is on an entirely different level. That beat, his voice, those lyrics, his charisma, it's phenomenal. It's probably the best Pop song I've heard since "Blank Space". - Ub8

The more things change the more they stay the same, don't they Bela? - WonkeyDude98

Drowning for 40 minutes Tier
20. Body like Back Road
19. Believer
18. Congratulations (Post Malone is a sin to music. End of Discussion)

HEADSHOT Tier
17. There's Nothing Holdin Me Back (Shawn Mendes voice is probably worse than mine and I sound like the sound of someone shoving pencils down their throat)
16.Issues
15. It Ain't Me (pre-drop is tolerable but nothing else is)
14. Now or Never (I actually never hear this on the radio, but I already have a distaste for Halsey and this song doesn't help that)

Stubbed my Toe Tier
13. Say You Won't Let Go
12. XO TOUR Llif3 (this is Lil Uzi Vert's peak in my opinion besides Yah Yah Yah on Bad and Boujee. As Pitchfork said, that's virtuoso rapping. Yuck)
11. Stay ( I actually have the exact opposite problem that you have with this song, I think Alessia's voice is annoying but Zedd's drop wasn't that bad)
10. Shape of You (10 weeks ago this would have been the bane of my existence, but I have built up a relationship with it, it's still insufferable though and probably won't go higher then the meh tier, speaking of which...)

Meh Tier
9. Despacito (The Remix is forgettable which is somewhat of an improvement, depending on who you ask)
8. I'm the One (The beat is nice and while the lyrics are bad, I usually won't switch the station if I here it playing
7. Unforgettable (More like completely forgettable, yes I know that joke was completely original)

Alright Tier
6. Wild Thoughts (I actually love Maria Maria, but Rihanna's performance was weak and Bryson Tiller sucks)

MBDTF is a 6/10 Tier
5. Mask Off (The lyrics aren't good but the beat is catchy and Future's voice is fitting for this type of beat)
4. That's What I Like (When I first hear this song I initially loved it but after listening to it a million times because the pop radio stations where I live play this over and over again, its luster is wearing thin)

I stole your girlfriend Tier
3. Something Just Like This (I disagree with most of your critisms of the song, while yeah the lyrics don't really make much sense, the meaning is sweet and nice. I'm neutral on Chris Martin's voice. It's a guitar solo with a beat drop, I don't care if it's irrelevent, how many songs do you know with a guitar solo and a beat drop, much less ones that were huge in the mainstream. I can't really say much about chords, you're probably more informed on that then I am, but to a casual they sounded fine. And yes, The Chainsmokers took the lase way out and took the drop from Roses and put it in this song but I liked Roses drop so that doesn't bother me to much)
2. Humble (I disagree with you on the statement that it is the worst song on DAMN. In fact, I think it is second or third best)
1. Redbone (All I'll say is that this is a strong contender for best hit song of the year)

Overall, I'd say I'm more neutral on these songs and the state of billboard in 2017 in general, I'm feeling change but I don't know where it'll lead. - MrQuaz680

Interesting - WonkeyDude98

Tide (Alo, Vizir or Ace in some countries) is a laundry detergent manufactured by Procter & Gamble, introduced in 1946:
20. Issues - Nothing pisses me off more than whining about your teenage problems.
19. Despacito - in order for a spanish song to chart it has to be painfully formulaic and devoid of personality
18. Mask Off - only hate this because my friends think its like soty level smh
17. Now or Never - you make pop music. YOU MAKE POP MUSIC
16. Body Like A Backroad -.
15. Believer - owww shut up
14. Shape of You - I'm in love with your BUDDY haha u got played
nothing here:
Issa pop song:
13. There's Nothing Holdin Me Back - hey its not terrible
12. Say You Won't Let Go - James Arthur is actually talented ok. not please stop making stuff like this
Crack-Up > 6/10:
11. I'm The One - cool
10. Stay - cool
9. XO Tour Llif3 - nice beeet
8. Congratulashoon - nice hoook
7. Unforgettable - cool
6. Wild Thoughts - cool
5. It Ain't Me - cool
DAMN > 7/10:
4. Something Just Like This - last good chainsmokers song probably
3. That's What I Like - don't ask me why I don't enjoy this more idek
Playlist worthy:
2. Redbone - thank kek for the memes because without them this wouldn't be here
1. HUMBLE. - nope you're all wrong this is one of the best songs on damn
43/100 - could be worse - ryansliao

Nah, Mask Off is terrible. - WonkeyDude98

I guess music is no longer original anymore, and Childish Gambino is our last hope. - Hotheart123

The chart this week is even worse. - DCfnaf

He's right.
July: 41/100
Sept: 21/100 - AlphaQ

Eh it wasn't TOO bad. Wasn't that great but 22 is too harsh. Plus the September chart is worse. 41/100 - AlphaQ

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