Top Ten Things Not All British People Actually Do

This is mostly American's fault. We English love you Americans to pieces but you've gotta get it right. Oh by the way your definitely right with us saying bloody and bloody hell but it's a swear word
The Top Ten
1 Have posh accents

Well, this is true. I am very well spoken, but only because my mother said I wouldn't get anywhere in life if I spoke like my father, who has a rough North London accent. My background definitely isn't posh, but a lot of people think it is, based purely on the way I speak.

I know, right? I would say I don't really have an accent, but I know a guy who has a thick Middleton accent, and The Beatles are Scousers. I would like a Cockney accent, like Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats.

Only London and a very, very small part of it. Most of us speak rough and chavvy.

2 Dislike golf

Actually, I never did think British people liked golf that much. I always figured that was why the British Open is always held in Scotland.

3 Be wealthy

Where did us being rich even come from? Comes from history. Kings, queens, whatever. Queen Victoria, mostly.

Where did us being rich even come from?

4 Drink tea

Not a lot of people drink tea at all. Personally, I'm addicted to tea, but most people are surprised I drink tea because it's not very common.

I hate tea but I love coffee. I drink coffee every morning with my breakfast cereal.

5 Have large teeth

Oh, I know. Me and other pupil voice representatives from school went all the way from Southampton to London to visit the Houses of Parliament. I saw some pictures with politicians who had massive teeth. They're probably just playing around with that stereotype.

I've never met anyone with massive teeth to the scale of British stereotypes in American films. (sigh)

What made foreigners even say this?

6 Eat cucumber sandwiches

If you went up to an English person and said, Would you like a cucumber sandwich? they would laugh in your face because it's weird.

At school, for the queen's birthday, we had to eat cucumber sandwiches, and I said I hated it out loud. I was told that I was ungrateful.

7 Be charming (men)

A number of people I know are nerds, and they can find it hard to get girlfriends because of this. However, if they meet an immigrant, she immediately falls for the accent.

8 Drive Mini Coopers with British flags on the roof

My family has always preferred Volkswagen and Volvo cars.

Nobody drives Mini Coopers anymore, except for a really small percent.

We don't even do that! Where are you in England?

9 Wear knitted wooly jumpers

Whenever I watch an American show, if an English man is on it, they all wear woolly jumpers.

10 Be fitness enthusiasts with a Cockney accent

Barely anybody has Cockney accents anymore, to my knowledge anyway.

The Contenders
11 Be movie villains

What is with people with British accents being cast as villains?

12 Smoke pipes

I hate smokers. It is kind of committing suicide, as it takes off 11 minutes off your life.

13 Eat crumpets
14 Live in London
15 Agree with Brexit
16 Eat fish & chips
17 Dislike France
18 Be proud of the Empire
19 Eat jellied eels
20 Eat Pie & Mash
21 Discuss the weather
22 Have a Cockney accent
23 Have a Londoner accent
24 Talk to dogs
25 Avoid talking to strangers
BAdd New Item