Panda Album Review: Memories... Do Not Open (The Chainsmokers) ft. Spark_Of_LifeProPanda Memories… Do Not Open Review
No seriously, don’t open this review (well, too late, but there’s still time to close this page!)
ProPanda Rating: 8/10
Best Songs: Paris, Last Day Alive
Worst Songs: Bloodstream
Spark_Of_Life Rating: 6/10
Best songs: Paris, Something Just Like This, Break Up Every Night, Wake Up Alone
Worst Songs: Young
So, I gotta get more HQ posts. Less than 10% of my posts are HQ, and so I guess I’m just contributing to the spam. Also, I gotta get more organized. I have some great ideas and concepts, but I execute them terribly in terms of timing and effort. So, I’ll be doing Objective Outroar and Album Reviews for a while till I can get myself organized. RANKED posts will be the most common thing on this account as of now though. Still, today, we are going to talk about The Chainsmokers! Oh yeah, and since I don’t wanna face this backlash and controversy alone, I’m gonna talk about the guy on this site, who’s a bigger stan that I am (yeah it’s possible)! Give it up for that Spark Of Life guy! Check out his profile, he’s much better than I am.
Anyways, The Chainsmokers. They got big with #selfie, got a lot of backlash, and then redeemed themselves. Then, everyone thought these frat bros will help save dance music. And then one day, Closer happened. It’s one of the biggest hits of all time, and it turned The Chainsmokers into the new Nicklebacks of the 2010s decade (sorry LMFAO). And to be honest, I never got it. The Chainsmokers are more polished, and mature than Nickleback are. The only similarities I see are fanbases, hatedoms, and chart runs. So, with all this backlash, my fond love for Paris, and Taggart’s idea of their own vocal contributions, I wondered how this would hold up. And the answer?
Surprisingly well actually. Unfortunately, Spark thinks otherwise. So, let’s do… A TRACK BY TRACK REVIEW OF M…DNO! And I’m finally gonna let him talk now, because as I said, he’s better.
Track 1: The One
Spark: "The One" would probably easily make the Best list if it wasn't trying so hard. It honestly sounds like something Imogene Heap would have released about ten years ago. The lyrics are really the high point of the song for.me, you can really tell some thought went into them...Unlike most of the songs on this album. Taggart really lacks the emotional factor that it needed to push it over the edge. The piano and heavily autotuned backing vocals just aren't enough to add the wow factor. Maybe if that had gotten Christina Perri or even brought Charlee back, this would have been great, but as it is, it's not bad enough to make the worst list, but nowhere near great enough to make the best list.
Panda: Eh. I covered this briefly on that EDM post no one saw. This could and should have been a lot better. The piano sets a nice atmosphere, and Taggart fits that mood really well. However, it falls apart after the first verse. Andrew starts to get really edgy and the lyrics slowly get more cringy as we go along. And then, they decide to insert a random breakdown in there… for whatever reason. Why did they do that? Why? Why?
Track 2: Break Up Every Night
Spark: I guess I like "Break Up Every Night" because the energy it has. It's easily the most danceable track on the album, and every moment today it at least has something that makes you want to tap your foot. The lyrics might be lackluster (especially the "f*** me back to life" line), but when the song make should want to jump up and dance (during the chorus, at least), this really isn't a problem...Who cares about the lyrics to a dance song? The vocals here could be sung by anyone, due to the song's open ended lyrics, so Taggart gets the pass here, just this once. Maybe tweak a lyric or too, but otherwise, this is great.
Panda: Andrew Taggart sounds a lot like Thomas Rhett on this one. Not only do their voicesresemble the same obnoxious tone, but the range and keys sound extremely similar. The beat sounds like something blink-182 would make. I mean, it’s not a bad song, the groove and melody is beyond amazing for that to happen, but it’s not really a good one either. It’s ok, and I’d take it on the radio, or at a party or something like that, but otherwise, skip it.
Track 3: Bloodstream
Spark :"Bloodstream" is BORING. I mean, this song might as well have been called NyQuill instead. On that note, I have no idea why this is called Bloodstream, cause this Couldn't be more fake. The lyrics can't seem to focus on if this is about a relationship or Taggart wallowing in self-pity. How can something be complicated and overrated but you meant it? And don't even get me started on the repeating "i-i-i-i-i" on the verses or the piano on the background instrumentals. There is nothing at all redeeming about this, vocals, lyrics, nothing.
Panda: This is Closer. There is no other way to put this. It’s literally Closer but without Halsey, and with more edgy lyrics. Same melody, same production, they even stole the “i-i-i-I” on the prechorus, and inserted it on the same spot. According to Drew, this is about, The Chainsmokers feeling really bad about how the media has misinterpreted them, and the struggles of fame, and how he’s just wants to be a better person, and no one understands, and BULL!!! If they felt so bad about everyone hating on them, they should’ve thought twice before taking direct shots at Weezer and Lady Gaga, as well as every other female on the planet! I didn’t like Closer, #selfie, and Setting Fires, but this is worse than all off those songs.
Track 4: Don’t Say ft. Emily Warren
Spark: It's obvious that the band's strong suits are songs with energy. This is unfortunate for "Don't Say", a song that what it has in amazing instrumentals and a pretty good drop (love those castanets), it lacks in an energized performance and confusing lyrics. Emily Warren flip-flops (for me, at least) between an OK performer and a monotone one, something that is evident here. The verses have good lyrics, but the chorus doesn't make.much sense, if you think about it. Emily's montone vocals don't go with the fact that she's saying that her lover isn't human. This probably would have made the worst list if it wasn't for the instrumentals, which I love.
Panda: Ah, things are looking up from here. The production is fantastic, best on the album. Like Spark said, the castanets on the drop are absolutely killer, and the instrumental is killer and energetic, will providing a great atmosphere and jam session. Emily Warren sounds a bit off, but that’s a minor nitpick considering how catchy this is. As for the lyrics, well remember that Human song by that RagNBone Man guy? Well, this is a perfect response to that exact song. It’s saying that being human isn’t an excuse for screwing up. Great song, I really dig this. Probably a 9-9.5/10.
Track 5: Something Just Like This (with Coldplay)
Spark: This has really grown on me since I posted that comment a few weeks ago. The beginning with the listing of the things that famous "strong" people have still rubs me the wrong way, but the rest of the lyrics are relatively harmless, and Chris Martin's vocals alternate perfectly between careful and subdued and full of.Emotion at just the right moments. I especially the love the instrumentals, even the drop, which some have complained sounds too.much like "Roses", but I don't see this as a problem, as they add somethhing new to this one. I really like the subtle guitars that hang in the background. This is the band with a rock edge, something I think they needed.
Panda: I really don’t see what people hate about this. The drop may have been taken from Roses, but it’s been refined to add some bliss. The guitars add some texture to the vibes. And Chris Martin man, this dude is incredible on this one. His low notes sound amazing and his doo doo doos are amazing. Other than that, there’s not much to say about it. It’s a good song, and it’s pretty close to a perfect song.
Track 6: My Type (ft. Emily Warren)
Spark: "My Type" is not only forgettable, but Emily Warren is clearly trying (too hard) to sound full of.emtion, which is a skill she obviously lacks. I don't remember much about This one, other than it sounding a lot like "Don't Say", but lacking any redeeming qualities that it had and cranking the terrible qualities it had up to eleven.
Panda: This is one of my favorites. While the drop feels rushed and uninspred, Emily Warren sounds really good. Her over enunciation actually suits the vibe, and the whole “I hate to say it, but you’re my type” vibe is really fitting. While it’s a messy, inconsistent song, it’s great inconsistency. And that’s probably not an oxymoron. I think. Let’s just move on.
Track 7: It Won’t Kill Ya (ft. LouAnne)
Spark: Like many songs on the album, "It Won't Kill Ya" is brought down by a seemingly simple element that really means everything, in this case the drop. Everything leading up to it is promising: the sincere vocals, the bright, fresh snaps and jumps on the instrumentals, and even the well meaning (but a little cutesy) lyrics. But then the drop comes, and it sounds completely different from the rest of the song (especially the sudden 'MY AMOR" that leaps out at the listener like a jumpscare in a bad horror movie). The drop sound like one from "Get Low" (DJ Snake and Dillon Frances), except without those amazing horn licks. I really struggles with if I should put this on the best list, due to the buildup being so great and promising, but the drop really killed it for me.
Panda: I guess this is what everyone else thought of Don’t Let Me Down. Good song, bad drop. And yes, I liked the drop to Don’t Let Me Down. Please don’t judge. LouAnne kills the vocal performance, and the buildup is amazing, as well as the catchiness of the buildup. It’s a nice love song with the best parts of desperation and hopefulness mixed to make a genuinely solid banger. If only the drop was as good as the rest.
Track 8: Paris
Spark: I like "Paris". Putting some forced rhymes aside (cigarette/internet), this sound like one of their old songs, in the vein of "Don't Let Me Down" and "Roses". The drop is nice, nothing too fancy or in-your-face. The story of the song is kind of confusing, but I don't mind it all that much. Emily Warren isn't featured enough to do damage here, so that's good. It can get repeditive at times, though. But whatever. With some of the other songs on this album, I'll take what I can get.
Panda: I covered this on my EDM Ranking a week ago. Check that out. Also, this sounds nothing like Midnight City. No seriously, it’s also wayyy better. Screw all y’all Pitchfork trash.
Track 9: Honest
Spark: The real low points on the album are when Taggart sings alone, and it is very evident in "Honest". Nothing here works in the slightest. I find the lyrics smug and egotistical, as well as not making sense (what are you not being honest about?). It appears there were three subjects going on at once (being famous, a message to an ex, and being honest), and they couldn't agree on what to settle with. The drop is out of place (though it's surprisingly passable, just not in this song) and doesn't fit in with the pianos on the verses, and, as usual, Taggart sound like he just got his wisdom teeth removed, but there isn't a duet or energy to cover it up with. This all just reads as a jumbled mess that can't agree on what it wants to be.
Panda: I forgot this song existed. I don’t ever mean to come back to it. Ever.
Track 10: Wake Up Alone ft. Jhene Aiko
Spark: "Wake Up Alone" is what the fame portion of "Honest" should have been. I find the bright, poppy instrumentals behind the surprisingly sincere vocals on the verses aren't distracted by the drop, which despite sounding kinda different, is very nice indeed. The lyrics are good as well, despite their simplicity. I can't say much more about this one, just that I like it a lot.
Panda: Jhene, Alex, Drew… why? You all have some serious talent! Why are you wasting it on this? It’s not bad, but the entire brightness is really disturbing to me. The drop is pretty nice too. I guess it’s flawed and minimalist which provides to a solid decent.
Track 11: Young
Spark: Youngis certainly the worst song, lyrically, on the album. We really don't need another song listing off oddly specific details from your relationship (looking at you, Closer) over a lackluster beat and melody. Taggart sounds horrible, as I've come to expect. Once again I understand myself running out of things to say. Perhaps that's a good thing.
Panda: In Andrew Taggart’s words: “ We love writing songs about small moments. In Young, written with Peter Hannah and Cvbz, we touch on all these specific moments in our past that led to the demise of a relationship. The times we had to sneak out of our parent’s houses to be together or that time we crashed your car, when things were simpler but often our immaturity still played a role in bad decisions that sometimes led to amazing moments. The contention is that we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves for the things that didn’t work out. Say what you want, but it’s hard when you’re young. ”
For some reason, I find this really appealing. It’s a terrible storyline, but that might be what makes it so good to me. It feels like Closer done right.
Track 12: Last Day Alive ft. Florida Georgia Line
Spark: "Last Day Alive" is certainly the most confusing song on the album. As if it wasn't weird enough to pair The Chainsmokers with Florida Georgia Line, of all people, it's even more strange that they completely distort their vocals so they don't sound like themselves. If they weren't officially credited on the song, I wouldn't have known it was them. The lyrics, as usual, are cringey and annoying, and the drop is incredibly disappointing, even with the subpart buildup that it relieves. This song seems like a bad aftertaste in the mouth, it's horrible the first time, but you find yourself unable the forget about the stupid thing for years to come.
Panda: This was unexpected. I was expecting something mediocre with this collab. Instead we got this. It’s a representation of taking something overwhelming or big and the celebratory aftertaste which burns afterwards. It’s a great and catchy track with nice vibes and a great nostalgic sound. Also, this is Florida Georgia Line? Eh, the song’s great.
Panda: I thought this album was good. While there’s a lot of bad songs, nothing really stands out as terrible barring Bloodstream. And honestly, the good stuff has nice vibes. It’s a fun album, I want blaring on a road trip as I drive through a highway. So, yeah 8/10, quality dance-pop.
Spark: Basically, the good stuff is good, and the bad stuff is bad. I’ll give it a 6/10.
So that was our review. I know my commentary is bad, but this post was unsaved and deleted three times, and so I had to redo my things a lot, and I’m burned out at this point.
Follow that Spark_Of_Life guy he’s better than me!
I’ll do some RANKED, and Mettalica is the next album review, I hope. That’ll be out in the coming weeks.
Ew, screw that Panda guy. I hate him.
Spark's cool though. - visitor
ProPanda is an amazing user - visitor
@lovefrombadlands This is actually a joke comment I made. But thanks! - ProPanda
I kind of like everything on the album except Bloodstream and Break Up Every Nighg - visitor
I mean night - visitor