Top 10 Questions that the Parappa Spinoff Sequel "Um Jammer Lammy" is Most Likely to Arise When Playing It
The Top Ten
1 Since when do dojos, nurseries and even PUBLIC AIRPLANES have casinos built into them? More importantly, WHAT does this have to do with turning random objects into guitars?
2 Why is this E-rated game implying so heavily that Lammy is both a major LSD stoner and an undercover, possibly transgender prostitute?
3 How is Lammy able to play air-guitar with a running industrial-grade chainsaw without accidentally shredding her hands off and bloodily murdering herself?
4 Seriously, WHY are Lammy and Fussenpepper being allowed to fly an airplane together in Stage 4?
5 Why is there an inflation-AND-vomiting-fetish scene in the opening to Stage 3 of this game?
6 What kind of country band other than Primus would unironically write an entire song about randomly finding casinos stuck in its members' hair?
7 Honestly, why is Lammy so disturbingly sexy even with the in-game paper cutout artstyle applied to her? (Her hair, perhaps? Maybe her voice as well?)
8 How is Cathy Pillar able to infinitely extend her caterpillar body into so many segments that they literally engulf the entire area around her in multicolored bubblegum balls?
9 How does no one notice when Lammy slips over a banana peel, cracks her skull and dies right in the middle of the street?
10 Why do the background audience members in Stages 1, 2 and 7 have so many different types of ludicrous random object for heads?
The Contenders
11 Why isn't Parappa X Lammy canon?
12 Why does this game have no idea how the actual real-life genders of sheep work? (Or what sheep actually look like?)
13 Why is one of the commercials for this game just a car driving through a swimming pool?
14 Why do the menu and loading screens look so cheaply Photoshopped together?
15 Why is Lammy able to get away with crash-landing an airplane into the middle of a parking lot, simply by paying the PARKING METER for it?
16 Seriously, exactly what type of insane hallucinogenic drugs is Lammy on throughout the game?
17 Why was the Parappa side campaign treated as such an afterthought compared to the main Lammy one? And why are Parappa's voice and the cutscene frame rates so horribly compressed?
18 Why did critics pan this game so much compared to the first one when it was clearly so much better and had so much more content to match?
19 How is this so cheap on PSN while the first game is so stupidly expensive?
20 What is with the note-hitting and freestyling detection? Especially in Stages 5 and 6?
21 Why did the multiplayer AI have to be deliberately programmed to be as infuriating as possible?
22 Was having to replay the entire game FIVE TIMES with almost no meaningful variation in order to get 100% completion really necessary?
23 Why did Chop Chop Master Onion suddenly become a hobo?
24 Why is a caterpillar taking care of rabbit babies? And why is her favorite one so fluent in the English language?
25 How did lammy become as fat as a blimp just from eating one single slice of pepperoni pizza?
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