Top Ten Stupidest Ways To Defend Yourself From A Murderer


The Top Ten

1 Grab their knife by the blade

I got bandages. - TriggerTrashKid

Why would this be a problem? - SirSheep

If you were to grab this incorrectly,this would result in your hand bleeding. But if you were able to grab the knife at the correct angle,it may be a possibility to get it from the burglar without cutting yourself.

@SirSheep You might hurt yourself with the blade like that - TheDarkOne_221b

Oh the internet, the place where you must explain every sarcastic comment. Sometimes I forget that I'm not saying these things to people in person. - SirSheep

2 Headbutt their weapon out of their hands

I would headbutt them in the head. - TriggerTrashKid

Seems logical - SirSheep

You’ll shoot your head. - Firemist

3 Tickle them as a distraction

I sure that this one will work. Especially if they have a weapon with range - SirSheep

Done that before if worked/works but that was crazy the ending was I never got harrassed like never again

"Before I die, I'll have you know - I'M THE TICKLE MONSTER! " - Cyri

*giggles* - TriggerTrashKid

4 Put a plastic bag over their weapon

*house catches on fire* - Firemist

Totally going to stop a bullet or blade. It holds groceries, so it can hold back murder, right? - Cyri

No, that won't work. I'm going to use a paper towel - SirSheep

I would wrap it with a toilet paper. - TriggerTrashKid

5 Set fire to your house

This is Bob, Bob says hi, this is Bob when his house burns down. Bob is homeless now and probably dead. - Firemist

And stay inside to make sure that the murderer burns inside of it. - SirSheep

I live in a rabbit hole already. - TriggerTrashKid

And then,once Bob set his house on fire,he then realized this was foolish to do. The crook just opened the door and got away. Now Bob is homeless.

6 Hit them with a pillow

How about a pillow of rocks? - Firemist

No! I have candy stuffed in it. - TriggerTrashKid

Pillow fight training shall not work here, old pal. - Cyri

Depends on the pillow - SirSheep

7 Offer to play a video game with them as a distraction

Did that it worked

Hey man before you kill me, want to hit up some super smash bros?

Minecraft: Saving lives since probably never. - Cyri

Let's play Mortal Kombat, you'll finish me! - TriggerTrashKid

8 Offer them a bagel in exchange for being safe

At least offer them something better. Like broccoli. Makes sure that they are making healthy choices in their diet do they can have a better life - SirSheep

*sneaks explosive inside* - Firemist

I did this but he asked for a cup of coffee so I gave him and now I am fine. - TriggerTrashKid

Make sure to add cream cheese to the deal. - Cyri

9 Fight them off using a water pistol

I would rather use a 45 Defender. - TriggerTrashKid

What if you run out of water though? - SirSheep

Someone tried to rob a bank like this. - Cyri

10 Politely ask for them to put down the weapon

Dear sir, may I ask you to please put down your weapon? It isn't very nice to hurt someone like that. - RoseWeasley

Hey Mister Murderer, please put your weapon down, okay? - Firemist

It's why your parents taught you manners, right? - SirSheep

Thanks for the advice. - TriggerTrashKid

The Newcomers

? Use the force

The Contenders

11 Use a plastic spoon as a weapon

I would scoop out his eyeballs. This is a legendary weapon. - TriggerTrashKid

I'm at least smart enough to know that you need to use a plastic fork. People these days... - SirSheep

Unless you are the Plastic God, you're going to die. - Cyri

Best way to defend yourself - TheDarkOne_221b

12 Send your cat out on him.

Cat: *Does nothing* - 0w0uwu

And sadly, you realize you just murdered your pet. - Firemist

Warning, this cat is 20 pounds overweight, and coming for you at top speed!
*Throws cat food at the murderer* - SirSheep

I don't own a cat. - TriggerTrashKid

13 Scream

This is less of a defense tactic and more of a way to let people know you're in danger. - RoseWeasley

It's rude to scream at people. Like this list mentions above, please use your manners and be respectful - SirSheep

REE - TriggerTrashKid

14 Tell them that they are hurting your feelings as they stab you

"You are mean! Why are you doing this? My feelings are hurt, I never did anything to you--" *dies* - Firemist

Blood circle! - 0w0uwu

You're invading my personal space - SirSheep

I almost laughed out loud when I read this. Good thing I stopped myself bcs I’m supposed to be asleep rn...

15 Offer yourself as a sex object or sex slave in exchange for sparing your life.

They'd also be charged for pedophilia. - Cyri

16 Try to perform a Kamehameha on them

If it works in a cartoon it must wok in real life right I mean if you try hard enough. - Powell

17 Fight them off using a nerf gun

I would shoot him in the nostrils. He would suffocate. - TriggerTrashKid

Aim for the eyes - SirSheep

18 Offer one dollar in exchange for your safety.

Seems a bit expensive - SirSheep

What about 56 cents? - TriggerTrashKid

Not gonna work. - Firemist

19 Close your eyes

*walks into the wall - SirSheep

Thinking that if you can't see him then he can't see you.

Nice joke. - TriggerTrashKid

20 Get the last laugh and kill yourself before they can

Murderer: You're gonna die!
Me: Right! *shoots self* - RoseWeasley

Can't kill me now! You can't even be a semi decent murderer! You should work on that - SirSheep

This is perfect. - TriggerTrashKid

Haha, you can’t kill me now OUCH! *dies* - Firemist

21 Aim your gun towards yourself and tell them that it shoots in reverse
22 Send them to Canada, Sweden, or California

What if you were in the US and the person about to kill you wasn't from the US and they don't have a legal passport? - 0w0uwu

Wait! Before you kill me, I shall have you know that I bought you a plane ticket. - SirSheep

This is actually a very effective. �"Prototype 3

23 Threaten to tell on them if they shoot

Detention immediately! Principal's office! - TriggerTrashKid

You'll have to go in timeout! - SirSheep


24 Tell them I need to use the bathroom

Well it's rather hard to go when you're dead - SirSheep

I would rather pee on his face. - TriggerTrashKid

25 Thank them
26 Throw a temper tantrum


27 Cry and scream in pain
28 Pinch them
29 Slap their butt

Him and I went on a date after. We're engaged :D - 0w0uwu

30 Slap them on their own heads
31 Lick their weapon to claim it as your own

*licks* HA HA IT HAS MY GERMS ON IT IT'S MINE! - Firemist

32 Beg them to leave you alone
33 Be Hawkeye with a nerf bow

At least try to be him. It's hard. I actually tried to do it today. - REALBluestar

34 Play terrible music to scare them off.

Let's face it the music probably is not going to be that bad that it will scare someone away if they are about to do something so serious. - Powell

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