WonkeyDude98 Analysis: Anaconda

WonkeyDude98
Surprisingly I can't bring up as much anger for Anaconda as hatred. Oh well.

I wish Minaj would go back to making pop songs like Starships and Super Bass. Yeah they were typical, but they were catchy and actually listenable. She has never made a really good song beyond maybe Super Bass and Roman's Revenge. She was bad when she started, and then somehow got worse after her work with Big Sean. Stupid H** was an obvious mess, she was absent entirely in 2013 (wipes forehead), then skip 2014, and in 2015 she was imbecilic enough to think that working with a dull producer like David Guetta's a good idea to get mainstream for the year, and tried desperately to stay relevant...by working with this typical boring club rapper Meek Mill and the notorious Chris Brown. Then Only became a single, and it was a disgusting slop that had a beat so simple I could paly the melody on my guitar (I already reviewed this). She failed three times in a year.

Now go back to 2014 when this was released. Where Hey Mama was at least somewhat slick and Starships was catchy, Anaconda was an obnoxious, unclever, unfunny mess with everything you absolutely hate about general music in a SAMPLED package.

Now, when a song gets sampled, I don't immediately hate it because it's almost always done well (look at Eminem for example). But when an actually good beat is outright plagiarized and STILL fails to be acceptable, you know you messed it up.

Also, the lyrics are not hardcore or dirty like people wanted (yet critics still credit her for doing so), it's messy and a backfire to what people might wanna see in rap: empowerment, we need more of that. It actually goes the opposite direction. Where Baby Got Back was trying to empower women who got shamed because of their looks while trying to break mainstream beauty, Anaconda tried to shame skinny women and unlike Meghan Trainor's severely panned All About That Bass, this dissing is at the forefront and no deeper meaning was even intended.

Ok, when a song fails to have any meaning, I look for it being catchy. Now, Baby Got Back was catchy to the moon and back. This..was not. This was slow and boring.

Now, for the worst part of the song itself, it is the outro. I'm with Rap Critic that her rambling lasted far too long, was far too jarring to listen to, and was pretty much unacceptable in any capacity.

But there has to be a good part of the song right? Well I guess: the pre-chorus. The lyrics are dull and meaningless as always, but there is a HUGE crescendo into the chorus. The issue? Not the lyrics, it's that it can't DO anything with the crescendo. Following up a speedy verse with a chorus that is too mediocre to even pity is a very poor move.

Now for the thing everyone hates the song for: the video. It's just Minaj twerking around for almost five minutes. The setting is a jungle, a gym in a jungle (?), and then what appears to be a dance floor. And Drake is in a chair on that dance floor. That's all you need to know.

All things considered, a -100/5. This song is repulsive in every way and is completely devoid of anything that could redeem it. The fact that there are three songs in history worse than this is scary. The scariest part though, is that there are people who will defend this and call this feminism. This is what Donald Trump thinks feminism is. This is WonkeyDude98, signing out.

Getting this done so I can go on to the next rant: it's a doozy and I plan to finish it by the end of today!

Comments

That music video is so weird - bobbythebrony

Understatement of the year. - WonkeyDude98

Wow this porn has loud 'music'! - visitor

It shouldn't even have any bro. - WonkeyDude98

I think Todd in the Shadows is the only reviewer who gave it credit - Martinglez

Which is why Todd should be sterilized. - WonkeyDude98

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