Top 10 Best Stan Pines Quotes from Gravity Falls

If you're a Gravity Falls fan, you have to agree that Grunkle Stan has some funny and interesting quotes. Pick your favorite!

1. "When there's no cops around, anything's legal!"

   It's SO true and AMAZING. It shows that Stan and Ford are completely different.

2. "Sounds like something a responsible parent wouldn't want you doing... Good thing I'm an uncle! Avenge me, kids! AVENGE ME!!!"

   I loved this quote so much. This should really be number one.

   Stan Pines is literally more than just a gruncle.

3. "Hey, wanna hear a joke? Okay, here goes. My ex-wife still misses me... but her aim is gettin' better!"

   You see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.

4. "You know studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own 10 guns. In case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder!"

   Seriously, there are a ton more great Stan quotes. Like when he said how he would educate kids in The Stanchurian Candidate:

   "Put them on an island and make them fight for dominance! Also teach kids swears. That'll introduce them to the real world!"

5. "Remember folks, we put the 'fun' in 'No Refunds!'"

   So damn hilarious.

   This should be #1.

6. "Sir, would you like to buy a Stan-Vac vacuum? Stan-Vac: it sucks more than anything!"

   Here's another quote:

   When life gives you lemons, call them rare golden limes and sell them for triple the price.

   These are all funny. Hahaha.

   Hmmmm.

   Nah. I'm good.

   Can't believe Disney let this be said.

7. "For tonight's final illusion, we have the incredible Sack of Mystery. When you put your money in it, it mysteriously disappears!"

   I remember this one. It's hysterical!

8. "What? No! My crime is a lot better than that. I'm gonna get that seat and be ready in the morning when Gideon comes. And maybe I'll destroy some pool supplies. Night's still young."

9. "Finally! A good reason to punch a teenager in the face!"

   I love this quote. This one is probably the most well-known.

   Stan sure does like punching people.

   Well, I always wanted one.

10. "AH! Hot Belgian Waffles! Wait... I'm alone. I can swear for real! SON OF A--"

    This should honestly be number one.

    The first time I watched this episode, I didn't notice this line, but when I did, I literally died of laughter. This is an automatic number one on my list.

    Oh yes, one of my favorite quotes from Gravity Falls.

The Newcomers
11. ?

    "Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty soul."

12. ?

    "They're slow, I can probably take a few down."

The Contenders

13. "Yes, yes! Burn the child."

    Out of context, this is horrifying.

    With context, this is horrifying. This is genius.

14. "Can I have my hands back? I have a gesture I'd like to share with you."

    Honestly, mood.

    I love this scene! LOL.

15. "Not so fast, kids! There is no way you're setting off those dangerous, illegal fireworks... without me!"

16. "Who wants Stan-cakes? They're like pancakes, but they probably have some of my hair in 'em."

17. "Well, I learned nothing."

    It's the quote Stan says when they're leaving the Hand Witch's house.

18. "Sometimes a man has to steal an animatronic raccoon to stay in this crazy game called life."

19. "Waiter, give me a glass of the strongest, most expired apple cider you've got."

    It's jokes like this that really get me rolling on the floor. Just so unexpected on a Disney show!

20. "It all starts with the pituitary gland, it may be little but it has big plans."

    When Mabel gets the birds and the bees... intended for Dipper.

    Oh, carpet.

21. "Traffic safety laws: prepared to be disobeyed!"

22. "You're a real wise guy, but you made one fatal mistake, you messed with my family!"

    Yeah, go get Bill!

23. "I'm giving none of this to charity!"

    I forgot this line existed. But I didn't know I needed it so much.

    I laughed out loud reading this!

24. "Mabel, sweetie. Can you make your Grunkle Stan some hands?"

25. "Darn beautiful men... Always... Always eating outta my trash... Wait, what???"

    I have the same problem.

    I know, right?

26. "Money!!!!"

    This scene. Lol.

    Ford was like, What? and everyone else was like, This is normal.

    From "The Last Mabelcorn."

27. "The author of the journals. My brother."

    I flipping died on the inside when I heard this! I had so many theories about who the author could be, but I never would have expected this. Does Gideon know?!

    When they showed this scene, I screamed until the next episode came out.