Top Ten Things to Do If You See a Scary Clown

Around September 2016, reports of clowns lurking around the streets and houses scaring people had begun. Some states in the US, (such as North and South Carolina), have clowns attempting to lure kids into a bush, to do god knows what. Luckily, I haven't faced a clown yet, but what do you do when you see a clown? Take a look at this list for your safety.
The Top Ten
1 Run Away

And jump into a haystack. When they walk by it looking for you, kill them and drag their corpse into the hay.

This would be my first instinct. There's no way I'm going near a clown. Those things aren't for 5-year-olds!

Oh yeah, this is amazing. Really, why is this happening?

2 Grab Your Weapon

My dad has a rifle in his closet. In my neighborhood, the clowns have already killed six people. So, whenever a creepy clown knocks at my door, or I see him, I can grab my dad's rifle and shoot him until the bullets run out.

Yep, weapons are great for protection, self-defense, and hunting. So, I'm not going to the free candy van.

I'll run and gun him into the ocean.

3 Fight It
4 Call 911

I live in the Carolinas, and every five seconds there is a kid being lured into a bush. I have called 911 and I got a clown arrested. Thanks for the list, Catacorn! It's very helpful.

They'll get arrested for "clowning around".

5 Kick It in the Nuts

Yeah! Awesome! Dude, I would do this if a clown ever comes near me!

And crack them. That's what clowns deserve.

6 Stay Indoors
7 Lock All Windows, Doors, and Vents
8 Say "I Like Trains" Right Next to Him
9 Act Friendly Towards It

Maybe you should hug it. After all, he has a sign saying free hugs.

And then command it to destroy other clowns.

Are you making a reference to It?

10 Sic Your Dog on Them

Rumor has it that the colorful parts of the clown taste like birthday cake, so any German shepherd, pit bull, or just a very vicious chihuahua would enjoy chomping down on his arms, legs, etc.

The Contenders
11 Flirt with Him

Clown: Hehehe, I will trick this girl!
Girl: Ooh, a clown! I shall flirt.
Clown: Hi, Lucy! Would you like candy?
Girl: Have you been working out? You're so hot!
Clown: *walks away* Dang, she's a freak!

12 Knock Him Out
13 Tickle Him
14 Pepper Spray Her
15 Slice Him Up

Do your best Toshiro Mifune imitation and eviscerate the clown.

16 Roundhouse Kick Him
17 Act Casual
18 Get in His Van for the Free Candy

Oh gosh. Once in my neighborhood, there were reports of a white van driving around, offering kids candy. I wasn't allowed to go into the woods on my street after that. I am apprehensive. I still don't know what he would do if he got close enough, and he hasn't been caught.

19 Ask If He is Pennywise
20 Tickle His Belly Button

The best course of action, of course.

21 Set Up a Trap
22 Take a Video
23 Give Him Cryptolocker
24 Put Him in a Headlock
25 Challenge Him to a One-On-One Wrestling Match
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