Top Ten Absurd Things to Do If You're Out of Toilet Paper

The Top Ten Absurd Things to Do If You're Out of Toilet Paper

1 Try to defecate out of a different body cavity

Or you can have a dietary intake which would reduce the water content in your poop, so your poop will be sharp enough to carve a hole in your rear region as it gushes out along with blood, similar to magma coming out of the earth - styLIShT

What the hell? - StevenUniverseIsAwesome

South Park - Season 6, episode 8 - DenyYourMaker

Excuse Me? - Rainbowkid38

2 Blowtorch your butt clean
3 Take enough antidiarrheal tablets so you'll never need to use the toilet again
4 Grab the cat and rub hard
5 Attach a vacuum cleaner to get everything out cleanly

I may use this method only in special cases.. - Kevinsidis

6 Call Ant-Man and get him to crawl up your butt
7 Arrange to be "abducted" by aliens, so you can be taken to an advanced civilisation with plenty of toilet paper

This sounds like the best option. I knew you would think of some ways to get out of a crisis. - Powell

8 Scream so loudly that the whole room vibrates and shakes everything off your butt
9 End it all, because toilet paper is life

That’s what people do when they heard about the coronavirus. - Userguy44

10 Try scraping your leavings out with a pencil

The Contenders

11 Wipe your bum on your neighbour's front lawn
12 Use a paper magazine as an alternative to Toilet Paper

Tear off the pages of an old magazine and use that to wipe your bottom. Bonus points if the page you use has Justin Bieber on it (what a stupid joke). - shadomatrix

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