Top Ten Funniest and Most Useless Things You Can Buy On Amazon

Amazon is everyone's go to company when you want quick deliveries, efficiency, and a trustworthy company (God, I sound like an advertizer). But, there are some extremely weird things out there, and amazon sells a lot more than you'd expect. So, here are the top ten funniest items you can buy on Amazon. Do note that the current date is Jan 29 2021, so this may soon be unrealistic due to some things coming on and off Amazon. Enjoy!
The Top Ten
1 Bacon Strips Bandages

This is practically the stupidest idea ever. I don't know if these are edible or what, and I'm not sure which possibility is worse. You skin your knee, for example, and you put the bacon bandages on. Then you walk outside and are immediately attacked by eagles, raccoons, geese, and whatever other crazy animals live where you come from.

But there are over 600 ratings, and it has 4.6 stars, so these must be popular!

Wow. Someone likes bacon too much.

2 Thanos One-Piece Swimsuit for Boys

This will traumatize me for centuries. Imagine the craziest, stupidest swimsuit ever. This is even stupider than that. It's an ugly purple and looks like a tank top that covers the nether regions as well. All while being the same ugly purple with Thanos's face shining bright and proud in the middle of your chest. Nasty. Well, at least it wasn't a bikini!

Who wants to see his face on a swimsuit? If a boy tries to get close to me to play ball in the pool, I'm going to get out.

My eyes hurt, but at least Thanos's chin is in the right place.

3 Buttress Pillow

The Buttress Pillow! It's exactly what you think it is. Hilariously, it has extremely good reviews! People say it's extremely comfy! Add this to my Christmas wish list, please.

Does it feel like a real butt, though?

4 Anatomy Bathing Suit

The only thing this is useful for is making people around you uncomfortable.

My goodness, why would you even want to buy this? Lol.

5 Cat Butt Tissue Holder

Sadly, yet hilariously, you can get a cat butt tissue holder on Amazon. I mean, maybe it's nicer than the average tissue box, but who wants to wipe their nose or eyes with something that was just sticking out of a cat's butt? This is pretty funny, though I'm sure it's much more expensive than the average tissue box and barely as useful.

That reminds me of those butt pencil sharpeners.

6 Mobile Phone Jail Cell

For any moms who are just fed up with their kids being on their phones 24/7, have no fear! The Mobile Phone Jail Cell is here! (Ah, I sound like an advertiser or salesman again!). It's exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. Literally, a small jail cell with a lock can hold up to five phones for as long as the person wants. So hilarious!

Maybe Diary of a Wimpy Kid has a partnership with Amazon or something because, in the 15th book, there was one of these!

That is actually pretty funny. I could see parents using this item.

7 Chicken Harness and Leash

This is funny yet sad. You'd think these companies could have actually put thought and money into things like global warming instead of stupidly hilarious things like this.

Hey! This isn't useless. I would love to take my chicken for a walk. They make harnesses for parrots, so why not chickens?

Who even takes a walk with a chicken? I've seen people do it with cats, which is pretty regular, but chickens? Really?

8 Finger Hands Finger Puppets

It's just ten mini hands that fit on your fingers. I don't know if it's a clever nod to Doctor Strange (probably not) or just a gag gift. Actually, one of my classmates surprisingly got this and wore it at school.

But the next time someone asks you to give them a hand, you know what to do. This package has a set of tiny hands for each of your left and right hands.

Other items on here are actually useful, but this...

9 Dill Pickle Lip Balm

I don't really need to say much else when it comes to this, but you can imagine how weird this would be. You won't be kissing anyone with this, that's for sure! At least, I hope not...

No one likes pickles! I once saw a pickle soda drink on YouTube. For some reason, those products exist. You can even buy canned burgers somewhere.

This is just completely useless.

10 Stuffed Blobfish

These cuties you can buy on Amazon are pretty funny, but I find them adorable. When I first saw this on Amazon, I thought it was an actual stuffed blobfish, but thankfully it's a stuffie.

Most people will go for teddy bears and other cute-looking stuffed toys before buying this. That, or body pillows.

The Contenders
11 Woman Using Inhaler Wall Decal

Um, imagine walking into someone's house and seeing this. It's like the designer just saw one of those stock images and was like, "Hmm, I could sell this, but as a physical object!"

Um, if I walk into someone's house with this on the wall, I would run past it. LOL.

12 Handicorn - Unicorn Hand Puppet
13 Bunny Hat

Is it useful or practical? No, but I just bought one. It has ears that go up and down, and it's pretty cute, so that's all that matters.

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