Top Ten Characters from the Movie "Der Wixxer"

"Der Wixxer" is a 2004 German comedy movie directed by Tobi Baumann and written by popular and hilarious German comedians Bastian Pastewka, Oliver Kalkofe and Oliver Welke, all three of who also star in the movie next to other notable names such as Christoph Maria Herbst or Anke Engelke. There are also several cameo appearances by well known German celebrities, such as TV host Günther Jauch or girl group No Angels. For a German comedy movie it also has a surprisingly high cinematic quality.

The movie is set in England and parodies the Edgar Wallace novels and their movie adaptations. It centers around an evil mastermind called Der Wixxer, a dude in a skull mask, and an unlikely pairing of inspectors who want to stop him, one of them being an ever-drunk, filthy cynic, and the other being a naive, childlike and always happy perfectionist. The movie also features a pacifistic butler that looks and talks like Hitler, a criminal genius who illegally smuggles girl groups and a castle that is only in black and white - except for the "color wing", a room where the ladies can put on their makeup (because it's hard to do that in black and white).

It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It is full of original silliness and over-the-top humor yet still somehow cares for the characters, and despite its non-stop goofy humor it is most of all a hommage to the movies it's satirizing. I'd call it the German counterpart to the British Blood & Ice Cream trilogy, both in terms of humor and its overall tone. There's also a second installment called "Neues vom Wixxer", which is also insanely funny, even though its plot is a chaotic mess. I've seen both movies countless times.
The Top Ten
1 Inspector Very Long

Inspector Very Long is one of the two protagonists of the movie. He is played by comedian Bastian Pastewka.
He is a skilled inspector ("the best at at police academy"), yet is very childlike, a bit naive, ever-happy, and a perfectionist. In the middle of a chase scene, he'll stop if he sees a picture is crooked.

2 Chief Inspector Even Longer

Chief Inspector Even Longer is one of the two protagonists of the movie. He is played by comedian Oliver Kalkofe.

He is an experienced inspector, yet sarcastic, ever-drunk, filthy, untidy and unfriendly, especially since his former partner Rather Short died and he couln't prevent it (in the funniest tragic flashback scene of all time).

3 Alfons Hatler

Alfons Hatler is the butler of Blackwhite Castle, and is played by comedian Christoph Maria Herbst.

Alfons Hatler looks and talks like Adolf Hitler, yet the joke is that he behaves the complete opposite: he is a friendly pacifist ("I detest violence"), and quite often behaves contradicting to Hitler ("people who kill themselves because their plans of leadership didn't work... I don't understand that.").

He's a true scene stealer and the character most people will remember from the movie.

4 Harry Smeerlap aka Laus Linski, Fritz Carraldo or Horst Feratu

A slimy insane criminal who works for the Earl of Cockwood. He is portrayed by an actor called Lars Rudolph, who for whatever reason plays an almost identical character in the sequel, yet the character name was changed to Chucky Norris.

He is a parody of Klaus Kinski, arguably the greatest German actor of all time, who was famous for portraying insane madmen, and also was one himself. Kinski also played similar roles to Smeerlap's in this movie. His pseudonyms are puns on the movies "Fitzcarraldo" and "Nosferatu the Vampyre", which starred Kinski.

5 Doris Dubinsky

Doris Dubinsky is a woman who was captured by the Earl of Cockwood for his girl group trafficking, and the wife of Dieter Dubinsky. She is portrayed by the fantastic comedian Anke Engelke.

She acts as a parody of a German tourist in England, and her overall tomboyish and rude attitude is just fun.

6 Dieter Dubinsky

Dieter Dubinsky is the husband of Doris Dubinsky.

The running gag is that while the police is busy finding Doris, Dieter just couldn't care less about where his wife is.

7 Sir John

Sir John is the boss of Very Long and Even Longer. He's portrayed by actor and voice actor Wolfgang Völz (who is, among others, the German standard voice of Mel Brooks and Walter Matthau).

This guy is portrayed simply as goofy, incompetent and a bit of a pervert. He is funniest when interacting with Even Longer.

8 Miss Jennifer Pennymarket

She is the female protagonist, works for the Earl of Cockwood, and is the love interest of Even Longer. She is portrayed by soap opera actress Tanja Wenzel.

Out of all the characters from the movie, she is the most normal one. She's a kind-hearted woman who doesn't know her boss is a criminal smugglung girl groups.

9 Miss Drycunt

She's introduced as the "mysterious housekeeper" of Blackwhite Castle.

Okay, she barely has anything to do in the movie, but I needed to include her because of her name. That name is genius. The best thing is that all of this stupid character names are treated like normal names. I watched the movie three time before realizing what her name was.

10 Earl of Cockwood aka Freddy Fartface

The Earl of Cockwood (birth name Freddy Fartface) leads a criminal ring smuggling girl groups, and is the main suspect for the identity of the Wixxer. He is portrayed by actor and voice actor Thomas Fritsch (who is e.g. the German voice of Scar from "The Lion King" or Diego from "Ice Age").
This must be the most ridiculous villain in any movie. It's even funnier that everyone in the movie treats him and his business seriously.

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