Top Ten Funniest Quotes and Sayingsanonymous There are too many of them for them NOT to be put in a list.
The Top Ten
I laughed so hard for this one, even though I don't know why. Keep them coming
That is one of the most funny and offensive jokes here. But way more funny. Just don't say it to anyone old.
Laugh out loud
That's funny I've never heard that one before
This one deserves to be at the top because it's true and hilarious at the same time!
That's a great one! All of the other ones were kind of stupid and immature but this one is the best! It deserves this spot
And laugh out loud! I guess I know a lot of people with heart attacks!
So true and hilarious! The others are ok and I've heard them before, but this was no doubt the funniest quote on this whole page!21 Comments
And we all fell down
When the sun came up
I think we've had enough
Lmao that is so funny XDXD - Nightkillo
Holy crap are you clown
Laugh out loud this is hilarious! It is so funny I almost puked myself!28 Comments
Now I know what should I say when someone asks me the same question.
Wow you're a genius
Haha that is a good one
This is a good one29 Comments
No? REALLY? I had NO idea!
This is so funny!
I love Dave letterman - Ajkloth
Wow! What an amazing fact! I never knew that before!
LOVED this list!!! - HezarioSeth
(Sarcastically) Really!? I thought three out of every four people made 90 percent! - Lina10288 Comments
I have to meet the person before I "buy" this parachute
I didn't get it at first - polynesia
I doubt the person who used it once is alive.
I love this. I want to buy a parachute to sell and say this just for fun. - Catlover200412 Comments
Mon's only weakness in a nutshell
I think its really clever. I like it!
Not that funny
Why is it number 8?
I don't really get it3 Comments
Although I'm a women, this is a truly funny quote.
Good but need funnier sayings
This is completely true. Although, I am a woman but still I almost threw up from laughing so hard.
On errathang.24 Comments
Yo! Mark Twain said this, not anonymous, I hope someone changes it :/ Plus the exact words were different!
I'd hate to be a joy kill but... Its not a joke, mark twain said it as sort of a proverb to say, just b/c its school doesn't mean it makes you smarter, or don't let a fool teach you what others say is a requirement to show intelligence. For example, some (actually most in my opinion) teachers in public school went through college and got required education but care very little about truth and facts, they just want you to shut up and get your work done (not all of them).
But it is a pun, a very wise pun so I guess it kinda is a joke... But more of a wise guy joke (emphasis on wise)
That is so true
Its very true3 Comments
So incredibly funny! It makes sense and it seems like something that should be in a book! - maddyparrot22
I didn't get this at first it took me a couple minutes to realize what it said... It's not my fault I'm a blonde
Oh I get it now. ( Just gonna spoil it ) Only one third WORKS but the rest just I don't know
Not a joke, it's the reality :-)6 Comments
That is very thrue
Wow I really don't get it that was lame everyone knows it
Then why did you vote for it just to say its lame? Its not. And that's your opinion. - XxFoxyMeepzxX
Haha, so true
I LOVE IT, I WILL USE IT NEXT TIME I DON'T KNOW AN ANSWER!
Now that I am old, I no longer have to admit I don't know the answers, only that I don't remember them!
Going to say it to my teacher all the time!
I can use this for math tomorrow thanks! ;-)
It seems is a rhetoric question like the quote9 Comments
I love George Carlin, extremely clever joke! - Flowersocks2137
I'll get those gay men to get out of the closet. - Doge4lifeGaming
Who RAISED YOU LIKE THAT. That is legit disturbing - Nightkillo
That's a little disturbing...
Very disturbing to me-strange spider
As soon as I got that I couldn't stop laughing5 Comments
You hear that? Starve yourself, people! - GrapeJuiceK
I think this one is a little funny. Might use it when it is needed.
This should come next and it is hilarious for those who get it
Lol yes I heard of this. I'll say this next time I go for a check-up - PopcornPelican
Brian Regan is hilaripus3 Comments
The truth is strong in this one!
That's just mean. Everyone has blank moments. Geez
There are more problems my friend, like, um.. - Doge4lifeGaming4 Comments
I love how your trying to point out that the Gov. Steals from us in joke form. That's pretty cool
I like this 1 cause its absolutely true& the 1 about friends being like pee was gross but very sweet. By the way I'm 13 & this joke is understandable even at this age.
Hahaha, this must be number 1 hahahah made me laugh like hell! Haha.
Then why are there a lot of competitions in their country? - Doge4lifeGaming14 Comments
Let's see ya drink away your alcoholism lol
I believe everything in that joke or saying or whatever it was😠🍪.
Okay, you got yourself a deal - Nightkillo
Ha, I like this one
Why are they so... greedy? - Doge4lifeGaming
Hahaa will they come when they are dead1 Comment
Due to indirect slave systems
America is awesome! No hate
How is This even funny? Nothing about this quote makes me laugh. To me this is just wrong...
That make sense
Charlie Chaplin was a brilliant man, and this quote is bang on. America is a garbage dump filled with armed hillbillies.7 Comments
Joke for intelligent people!
That IS playing with words. That is like a riddle with the answer already in it.
Playing with the words!
Laugh out loud, this is really funny
Then your death will be buttery. - Doge4lifeGaming
I won't say that it is funny.. But inspiring.. It is a way of seeing things differently.
That sounds like something I'd say. - PianoQueen
This one is amazing I'm definitely gonna use this one
I sometimes say that, haha1 Comment
So true and relatable, as well as hysterical on its own.
Now this one is easy to understand
That's a no crap quote hallelujah!
I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.1 Comment
This is stupidity
I love lamp too - SansTheComic
Sorry but its not that its " Friendship is like peeing your pants everone can see it but only you can feel its true warmth thanks for being the pee in my pants"
My friend is going to hate me forever!
I was texting my friend once and I sent her this quote. - AnonymousChick
Huh maybe she should think about the irony
Laugh out loud... Nice
Holy Jimmy carter. - TeamRocket747
I wonder what his wife thought of that...but lol😄
I literally laughed way too hard at this. My sis practically yelled at me to calm down
Oh Einstein you are so hot!
Beauty school by Einstein. - keycha1n
Einstein was comical, Tesla was the real genius. - Deranged
This guy is truly a genius. - RockFashionista
Lol so true. Hate Barbie - PopcornPelican
I would have gone and found some sugar and pancakes.
And you will then make peoples lives miserable. - Minecraftcrazy530
Laughing so hard and don't even know why
I would probably throw it at the wall4 Comments
This is just TOO Funny!
This is funny, but sort of gross! - funnyuser
Pretty Good, To be honest LOL loved it!
That's hilarious! This needs to be higher! 😂🤣😎
Cuz it is the true n very funny at the same time!
It's so true laugh out loud
I love this!
Or die what ver suites you...😒
This is awesome...and very true!
Then you should live wirelessly!
Really true1 Comment
Ok that is hilarious
"Hey, Steve, what is a good nickname for someone namd Leslie Nielsen? "
"Steve should've recieved 28 nobel prizes by now" - GrapeJuiceK
This gives you something to think about
Wow! That is awesome. I like it so much
Definitely one to look out for
Haha! Deserves to be higher! - funnyuser2 Comments
I'm angry with that answer about blondes! No, it's not true. I'm blonde - and thirteen - and I'm the one correcting your spelling and grammar. I believe you meant this:
I love this one. It reminds me of a blonde, and blondes, don't try to deny it- you know it's true.
Why are there so many stupid, ridiculous, and plain offensive people in the world?
Haha you haven't hit the age where the blonde kicks in yet. Give it a couple years then you won't get this joke anymore. You'll be thinking "what's wrong with asking for the number to dial 911..."
This is hillarious it should be higher
The number is 912, duh - Harri666
This is funny I'm blond and smartest in class2 Comments
Who made this quote exactly?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE QUOTE
I know funny, and this is funny... Think about it!2 Comments
Doesn't that mean do absolutely nothing?
Haha this is absolutely hilarious
Does James himself even know that he became a meme? - Userguy44
I love George Carlin... That is an extremely witty and funny quote! - Flowersocks2137
Haha, that is a good one!
I love quotes. - PianoQueen
Oldie but a goodie.
A amen that is so true?
Yup that's how it should stay
Seriously? I thought you guys were better than that. Gays are human, too, you know. - SansTheComic
Well now, the creation story of Adam and Eve is the second creation story in the Bible. The first is the one in which God creates the Universe, the earth and all that there is in six days. Man and woman (no names given) were God's last creation sometime late on the sixth day. These two creation stories are mutually exclusive. (If one happened the other did not.) Unless, of course you believe both occurred on earth only at different locations. Or one happened on earth and since the terms "man" and "woman" are used and no explanation of species...could these be a male and female creation on a different planet? In the first rendition of the two creation stories we are only told of man and woman...no children or any other "beings" with whom their children would have procreation activities in order to further the human race. In the second we are not told where the spouses of the sons of Adam and Eve came from...only that they appeared and well you know the ...more12 Comments
Now I get it. its funny because R.H. Grenier is making a generalization about generalizations. HYPOCRITE ALERT!
The irony in this statement. - PianoQueen
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List StatsCreated 9 Jan 2009
Updated 29 Sep 2018
10 years, 314 days old
Top Remixes (8)
2. I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. - Demetri Martin
3. I was asked to name all the presidents. I thought they already had names. - Demitri Martin
2. A boy looked into his parent's bedroom, saying, "And she gets mad when I suck my thumb!"
3. A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they are interested in fashion - George Carlin
2. When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. - Cathy Guisewite
3. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. - Winston Churchill
View All 8