Top Ten Dumbest Things to Say When You Know You've Been Caught In the Act

You know you've been caught doing something you shouldn't but instead of 'fessing up, we tell blatant lies. But what's the dumbest excuse for your treachery? Spill, I say.
The Top Ten
1 It's not what it looks like, babe - she fell on me...!

And I suppose her clothes were torn off due to the G-force of the fall...?

This is so funny. What a dumb thing to say.

Now, this one is way too close to home!

2 I didn't touch one biscuit, Mum - I swear!

The last biscuit in the tin is the one you didn't touch, hmm?

You could always throw it out before she comes into the kitchen.

Such a cunning play on words. This gave me a lot of ideas.

3 I wasn't shoplifting, I'm pregnant!

Just as your stolen items fall out of your jumper. Ha! Explain yourself, Madam.

4 I wasn't watching porn, babe. I was flicking through the channels when the batteries in the remote died just as this came on.

It's easy to fake. Just replace the batteries in the remote with dead ones in advance and keep tapping it like you're changing the channel.

5 Hello boss, uh, when I said I was I'll and couldn't come in today I meant it. The doctor told me the footie match would be good for me. I'm not enjoying it... YES GOAL!
6 I wasn't picking my nose, I was SCRATCHING it. (wipes finger)

I think a lot of people use this one.

Ha ha, I use this one all the time.

7 There's no-one in bed with me. What this? This is a hernia. I'm in agony, babe!

That one killed me! It is by far the silliest excuse for anything in the world! Your best list so far, Britgirl.

There's no one in bed with me. This person right here doesn't exist! Now, where were we?

That's some bloody big hernia, then...

8 I wasn't snoring. I was just hearing what I would sound like if I ever did snore.

This is funny, along with number 9!

9 I no speak English

This reminds me of an electronic song, I Speak No Americano.

10 Err... no, it's not sex, it's a medical exam!

Let's not go into the details of the "exam." Chances are it's a new "way of doing it." Save it for the students.

I'm just going to say it. It's my list, so... was it an "oral" exam?

I knew the GCSEs were stressful, but this is an entirely different matter.

The Contenders
11 It wasn't me. It was my twin.

When I was in school, there were two twin students. They were mostly in different classes due to different grades, and both were troublemakers. Once, a teacher walked into the class and reprimanded one of them. He said, "What? I never did this! It must have been my twin." The teacher didn't believe him at first, but she later discovered it was entirely true.

It would be nice to have an almost identical twin or even just a twin.

12 I wasn't cheating. I was looking at HER answers to see if she was right too!

I wonder what the teacher would say to that.

13 I didn't do it
14 Who are you talking too? Um sorry babe my phone connection's bad - so is our relationship

This is also a line in a song, but it's kind of brilliant when you think about it!

15 I'm sleepwalking...

I've done that before, and it totally works. When I'm scared, I run to my parents' room, wake up, and say, How did I get here? They tell me I was sleepwalking, but we all know I ran straight there. Haha.

16 No, No, no.... No... pff why would I - *Run off*
17 Mom, for the last time, I didn't call my friend dumb, I called him a moron!
18 I swear, honey, that gal you saw me with was fake! It was a transvestite I was trying to get away from!
19 I wasn't asleep. I was studying the inside of my eyelids!

And their mother said, "How could you do that?" They replied, "I was looking really hard." Yeah, right.

20 It wasn't me...
21 I thought that blow-up doll was YOU babe!

I've written a short story about this situation. It was never published. Haha.

Must be a bloody lifelike model, then.

22 Um, it was you.
23 Well... this is my... uh... friend.
24 It's not what it looks like
25 You're imagining this
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