Top Ten Dumbest Things to Say When You Know You've Been Caught In the Act

You know you've been caught doing something you shouldn't but instead of 'fessing up, we tell blatant lies. But what's the dumbest excuse for your treachery? Spill, I say.
The Top Ten
1 It's not what it looks like, babe - she fell on me...!

And I suppose her clothing was torn off in the G-force of the fall...?

This is so funny. What a dumb thing to say.

Now this one is way too close to home!

2 I didn't touch one biscuit, Mum - I swear!

The last biscuit in the tin is the one you didn't touch, hmm?

You could always throw it out before she comes in the kitchen.

Such a cunning play of words. This gave a lot of ideas.

3 I wasn't shoplifting, I'm pregnant!

Just as your swag falls from your jumper..Ha! Explain yourself then, Madam.

4 I wasn't watching porn, babe. I was flicking through the channels when the batteries in the remote died just as this came on.

No!... I wouldn't dream of it... Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm...
It would make an excellent prank, though. Just switch to the channel, take the batteries out, wait for your victim to come into the living room after a long day, and call his/her boy/girlfriend or wife/husband home. I might try it on my brother sometime. Or one of my parents.

It's the easy one to fake. Just replace the batteries in the remote with dead ones in advance, and constantly tap it as if you were changing channel.

PositronWildhawk...! Are you speaking from experience...?! Haha!

5 Hello boss, uh, when I said I was I'll and couldn't come in today I meant it. The doctor told me the footie match would be good for me. I'm not enjoying it... YES GOAL!
6 I wasn't picking my nose, I was SCRATCHING it. (wipes finger)

I think a lot of people uses this one.

Ha ha I use this one all the time.

7 There's no-one in bed with me. What this? This is a hernia. I'm in agony, babe!

That one killed me! That is by far the silliest excuse for anything in the world! Your best list so far, Britgirl.

There's no-one in bed with me, this person right here doesn't exist! Now, where were we?

That's some bloody big hernia then...

8 I wasn't snoring. I was just hearing what I would sound like if I ever did snore.

This is funny. Along with number 9!

I do that a lot

9 I no speak English

This reminds me of an electric song I Speak No Americano.

10 Err... no, it's not sex, it's a medical exam!

Let's not go into the details about the "exam". Chances are it's a new "way of doing it". Save it for the students.

I'm just going to say it. It's MY list so...was it an "oral" exam?

I knew the GCSEs were stressful, but this is an entirely different matter.

The Contenders
11 It wasn't me. It was my twin.

Funny thing is, when I was at school there were two twin students, they were mostly in different classes as they got different grades and they were both troublemakers. Once a teacher walked into the class and told one of them off about something, and he said "What? I never did this! It must have been my twin." The teacher didn't believe him, but she then found out for herself that it was entirely true.

It would be nice if I had a almost identical twin or even a twin.

So stupid its hilarious.

12 I didn't do it
13 I wasn't cheating. I was looking at HER answers to see if she was right too!

I wonder what the teacher would say to that.

14 I'm sleepwalking...

I've done that before it totally works because if I'm scared as hell I go to my parents room. Wake up and say how did I get here and they said you sleepwalked when we all know I ran up in that room. Haha

15 No, No, no.... No... pff why would I - *Run off*
16 Who are you talking too? Um sorry babe my phone connection's bad - so is our relationship

This is also a Line in a Song but it's kind of Brilliant when you think of it!

17 It wasn't me...
18 Mom, for the last time, I didn't call my friend dumb, I called him a moron!
19 I swear, honey, that gal you saw me with was fake! It was a transvestite I was trying to get away from!
20 I wasn't asleep. I was studying the inside of my eyelids!

And herhis mother said," How could you do that? " I was looking real hard. " yeah right ".

21 I thought that blow-up doll was YOU babe!

I've written a short story about this situation. It was never published. Haha..

Must be a bloody lifelike model, then.

22 Um, it was you.
23 Well... this is my... uh... friend.
24 It's not what it looks like
25 You're imagining this
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