Top Ten Best Family Guy Quotes

The best one liners from the most irreverant show on network television. Only because it is animated do the writers get away with all the stuff they do.
The Top Ten
1 You'd better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna be lectured by a pervert. - Peter

Fabulous! So funny that it makes me laugh every single time! Watch it over and over again and I still burst out laughing!

Hilarious. Funniest quote I've hard in a while. I love you Peter Griffin, even though you are on a cartoon television show.

Its awesome and I laugh my but off every time I see that episode.

I have taught this to my 4 yr old and he loves it... My wife, however, does not love it!

2 Giggity giggity giggity - Quagmire

This is simply hilarious! It should trade places with #4 because this is Quagmire's better known catchphrase. (I personally thought that one was funnier than this one but you know, a classic is a classic... ) You go Quagmire

If Quagmire didn't exist, the show, and the world as we know it, would implode into a black hole. In my humble opinion

Quagmire is just hillarious family guy would be nothing without him. Well, it would still have Brian who is a largely unfunny dick but you know.

Quagmire: hey there sweetie how old are you?
Connie: 16
Quagmire: 18! You're first!
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is going. Giggity giggiy gig-a-dy!

3 Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah... Lois, this is not my Batman glass. - Peter

Haha that's truly funny

4 Mum mum mum mum mummy mummy mummy mummy Lois... Hi - Stewie

Oh, my mom loves this. I joke around with her. Until it actually starts to get annoying.

This should be #1 My whole family think's this is funny.

Great episode I think it was Stewie Loves Lois in Season 5.

My mum has this as her ring tone. Hilarious

5 Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time. - Quagmire

This is the funniest quote by Quagmire by far!
Had me dying of laughter

Oh my god I saw that episode... So funny!

Where did it get tuck last time? O_O

And kids, this is why you use lube!

6 Because you touch yourself at night - Museum tour guide

This one will never get old. Genius. All of the catchphrases are so boring now, but this one is so god damn hilarious! Love it!

I use this one all the time when I want to shut someone up!

This one cracks me up every time!

This is first by far

7 The life of the wife is ended by the knife. - Stewie

Laugh out loud! Hysterical!
The Raain in Spain Stays Mainly in the Plains!

Love it laugh out loud

That's so good

Best one ever

8 I've got an idea--an idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I'm talking about. - Peter

Yup. Definitely a classic. "Leafers! "

Family guy should certainly stick to the their classic jokes. Not the ridiculousness they've now resorted to.

This is something that Fry would say in Futurama and I still love it.
It's just so funny, I mean come on guys and gals

This is where it all falls out.. I mean come on.. Let the man of the house talk.. Laugh out loud

I agree with everyone here. This IS a classic quote.

9 So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway? - Stewie

Most epic quote, I physically shot Pepsi out of my nose when I saw it.

Actually made me poke my head out of the kitchen and ask, "What did he just say? "

Best quote of the whole series by far.

10 Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster. - Stewie

Lois: Meg will you change Stewie?
Meg: ok mom, but if the phone rings and it's a boy. Please don't tell him I'm wrist deep in poopy.

Stewie is my favorite. Love his diaper moments.

Stewie is the best

I love this quote

The Contenders
11 Ha ha ha, oh my God! I almost didn't do it, I almost didn't do it! I thought, is this in bad taste? But you know what, I went for it. I went for it and I'm so glad I did! Ooooh, worth it, totally worth it. - Stewie

This and when Stewie says that he's always wanted to have a sexy party. He's great

12 Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl. - Peter

It's funny 'cause it's true!

13 Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. - Peter

Should definitely be higher up! I love this one!

14 Buttscratcher! Buttscrather! Buttscratcher! - Peter

Love it! My fiance and I first bonded over our love of this show and still to this day randomly start shouting this line. Always brings a smile to both of our faces. Two Thumbs Up!

This is probably my favorite Family Guy reference of all. I also love Roadhouse; that's high on the list too.

I love this! I always say it! And shapoopi hahahaha BUTT SCRATCHER! Family guy is totally awesome :-) oh god I need to go watch family guy now!

15 Oh, Brian, I can't wait 'til after dinner, 'cause then we'll go home and you can watch me have my period. - Stewie
16 Yes, we're gonna douche the night away. - Stewie
17 Shut up, Meg - Peter

Mila Kunis: How were you yesterday ?
Me: Shut up, Meg.

This was one of the best family guy moments ever, when peter goes feral and meg "saves" him

18 All right, all right, make like Siamese twins and split... And then one of you die. - Peter Griffin

This is just too funny

19 Alright everyone but Chris keep your pants on and let's figure this out. - Herbert the Pervert

This is the best quote ever!

Herbert is just... wow

20 No Quagmire, we're not esupposed to! - Peter

Reminds me of my husband and his friends. Peter griffin is my husbands alter ego for sure. I can relate to this show far too often.

Funny from season 8? I think

21 Her fists are so dangerous she's not allowed to be a lesbian. - Brian

Wow, this is hilarious

22 Lois, men aren't fat, only fat women are fat - Peter
23 I'd do her... do her... wouldn't do her... Whew! who hasn't done her?! ...Lose the pigtails and we'll talk... - Stewie
24 Hey guys, wanna go play some base (voice drops) ball? Excuse me, I'm gonna go masturbate - Peter
25 NONONONONONO! - Cleveland

WUT the HAYL?! No no no No no NOO! Haha don't take a bath while Peter is doing his daily shenanigans

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