Top Ten Funniest Shakespeare Quotes

The Top Ten
1 What, you egg?

Best quote of all time. I say this a lot before stabbing an egg yolk lol

It's so funny he calls him an egg (like of all the things an attacker may call his victim) before stabbing him

Yep. diddy egg?

EGG

2 I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.

Now that's very funny because if the opponent armed under bear arms then he's a brawn and would be wit vs. Brawn but to him it's quite a suprise to see him unarmed and battle with wit vs. Wit.Wit vs. Brawn would seem rather tragedy or drama either these elements makes a tainted image for me and yet he already started the wit- Kevinsidis(I'm not a visitor)

This is one of my second favorite quotes my Shakespeare.

I could use this one quite frequently.

3 Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes!

This also would be a fun one to use

Thou dost infect me eyes!

Dost grant me, hedgehog?

4 I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
5 Thou art as fat as butter.

Haha, this is down to earth and funny

6 Mine eyes smell onions.
7 Your horrid image doth unfix my hair.
8 Your brain is as dry as the remainder of biscuit after voyage.

Wow. Good one, Shakespeare!

9 Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms in the Nile.
10 I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.

Such a relatable and cathartic BURN!

The Contenders
11 There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.
12 I see a voice... I can hear my Thisbe's face

This was said by Nick Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream, and was always a huge hit in our cast when I was in the production of this play.

13 Villain, I have done thy mother - Titus Andronicus

Self-explanatory, and probably the world's first "your mom" joke

14 I am sick when I do look on thee
15 I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.

This quote is from Twelfth Night and it's said by Sir Andrew Aguecheek. It always made me laugh, and it's definitely one of my favorite funny Shakespeare quotes.

16 Away, you three-inch fool
17 You are a saucy boy

From Romeo and Juliet

18 A plague on both your houses! - Romeo and Juliet
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