Top Ten Funniest Shakespeare Quotes


The Top Ten

1 Out of my sight! Thou dost infect my eyes!

Dost grant me, hedgehog? - PositronWildhawk

Thou dost infect me eyes! - Hermione_Granger220


2 I was seeking for a fool when I found you.
3 I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.

This is one of my second favorite quotes my Shakespeare. - Hermione_Granger220

Shakespear you savage

Now that's very funny because if the opponent armed under bear arms then he's a brawn and would be wit vs. Brawn but to him it's quite a suprise to see him unarmed and battle with wit vs. Wit.Wit vs. Brawn would seem rather tragedy or drama either these elements makes a tainted image for me and yet he already started the wit- Kevinsidis(I'm not a visitor)

4 What, you egg?

It's so funny he calls him an egg (like of all the things an attacker may call his victim) before stabbing him

€”What, you egg? ”
[he stabs him]

Macbeth, act 4, scene 2, page 5 - Hermione_Granger220

5 Thou art as fat as butter.

Haha, this is down to earth and funny - styLIShT

6 Mine eyes smell onions.
7 Your horrid image doth unfix my hair.

Ha ha! - Hermione_Granger220

8 Your brian is as dry as the remainder of biscuit after voyage.

Wow. Good one, Shakespeare! - Hermione_Granger220

9 Thy tongue outvenoms all the worms in the Nile.
10 There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune.

The Contenders

11 I’ll beat thee, but I would infect my hands.

Such a relatable and cathartic BURN!

He’s the master of insults. - Hermione_Granger220

12 I see a voice... I can hear my Thisbe's face

This was said by Nick Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream, and was always a huge hit in our cast when I was in the production of this play.

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