Top 10 Things Writers Are Sick of Hearing

The Top Ten
Put me in the story!

It's really annoying when random people in my class come up to me and ask to be in whatever story I'm writing at the time. I usually base my characters on a couple of different people, but when everyone wants to make their character the way they want it to be, it messes the whole story up.

Funny story (pun intended, sorry): Someone asked to be put in the story. They died very quickly in an arena battle.

Oh, this happens to me very often when I post my fics. It kinda bugs me because I'm more open to feedback and criticism.

You just can't write like (insert writer here)

I've heard this so many times. The moment I mention who my favorite authors are, my own personal writing style is compared to theirs. Well, no, thankfully I don't write like them. I have my own "voice." I merely use my favorite writers as a reliable source of inspiration and encouragement.

For one, that's not necessarily true. Two, maybe I don't like Edgar Guest, okay? (Or the other writer.) Three, other people don't like this writer. Four, I don't care. I'm still good. Five, you don't read any books - just like about everybody in modern society - so why are you even saying this?

When's the story done?

This gives me stress sometimes. Writers are people too.

The more pressure you give, the later it will be. I need to breathe!

Write (insert genre here), not the one you write.

I don't like reference books, lexicographer!

Write what you are comfortable writing.

Writer's block doesn't matter, just keep going!

I have experienced writer's block, but I just find ways to overcome it and nip it in the bud as quickly as possible. There is inspiration everywhere you look.

It does matter. In every story I write, I get several instances of writer's block, and I'm not just going to write some trash simply because I can't think of anything else!

Oh, for goodness' sake, it's affecting me right now! It's tough to get past sometimes!

Writing is a linear process, right?

Um, NO. Quite the opposite. Writing is an art form. It is not, "I will write a novel just for the heck of it, just because I want to become J.K. Rowling." Writing is a complex map. Everything has to play out as one cohesive piece, yet characters should be unique and have their own side stories. And the characters should not be flat as boards - that already adds quite a few strings to the web.

There can be no plot holes - another few strings. What's the motive for the antagonist/protagonist? What's the reason for this plot? About 1,200 more strings. Now, what's THE THEME? WHAT'S THE REASON YOU ARE TRYING TO WRITE THIS PIECE, and how are you going to tie it in through the story? Thus, writing is not a linear process. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Just kill off (insert character name here)!

I like this character. Just for the fun of it, I'm going to put you in the story and drop an anvil on your head because my keyboard has the ability to.

EDIT: Do you just like death or something?

Characters, in a writer's brain, are like people within the mind and on the page. When they die, the writer can feel like they've lost something.

It's not that simple, and it's not your story. So shut up now.

Make it more realistic.

This is writing. It is art. It is music. It is emotion, tied straight to the soul. It is meant to convey a beautiful message that reaches your heart, yet it still has to be one eloquently written piece. To convey such a deep message, sometimes it simply isn't possible to "make it realistic." Maybe I wasn't GOING for realism.

And MAYBE you should shut up now because you never question the realism of Harry Potter.

People confuse "realistic" and "believable" quite often. A dragon, for example, is never realistic, but they can be believable within the story's world.

That's already a thing.

I'm aware. This is not plagiarism. Just because Wings of Fire has a dragon and my story has a dragon, that does not mean my story equals Wings of Fire. Also, go ahead, YOU try and write a story that's completely unique with no copied elements from any other story, poem, or book on this planet.

*Looks at first draft* Wow, you suck.

Why would you post a draft in public when you haven't polished it yet?

It's a first draft. Nobody gets the story right on the first try!

In that case, why don't YOU try and write the next bestseller?

The Newcomers

? I'm your biggest fan!

I can understand why they would say this, but it often comes across as too flattering.

The Contenders
Writing is easy

Okay, this just makes me angry. Writing is hard. It requires dedication, patience, and time. To come through and finish a piece, while still keeping it well-written, is a feat of its own. We have to make three-dimensional characters. We have to make sure there are no plot holes.

If we're going for a metaphorical style of writing, half the time the plot is so deeply steeped in a strong message that there is no clear start, quest, or resolution. We have to make you feel emotion. Then we come through, revise, and publish, and you criticize us for one teeny slip-up. And if you still don't believe me, try to write even a somewhat decent piece of work yourself.

You should write this how I want it to be or I won't read your work anymore

Well, that's fine. If you don't like it, why should you read it? It's also not your story, dimwit. Sometimes the planet can't be destroyed by aliens, and just because you want it like that doesn't mean that's how it's going to be.

As is the case with all art, unfortunately. Some people just have to have it their way.

You must be a terrible speller.

Oh, come on! We writers do go back over and fix spelling! It's not that big of a deal!

The main character will marry me?

No, they won't. I know exactly who ends up with whom.

No, he'll be your ex, snob! Only because you asked!

Shipping and fanfics are horrible! Especially if they're self-insert.

Oh, this character did (insert action here), they must be (insert weird lore thing here)!

I have something I intentionally left for theories to be made. It will get crazy if I get a larger audience.

It's so hard to tell so many people no, and it gets annoying fast.

We're both Heaven and Hell

There are many humans who are nice and try to make the world a better place. But we also pollute, screw up, and think we don't matter. That's why we're technically the manifestation of Heaven and Hell combined.

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